For me, it's weird: my first partner verbally abused me and humilated me and bullied me and hurt me and I loved it and hated it. But i topped him. Anyway....i just think a lot about being helpless, or weak, or being dead, and sometimes i get a boner through thinking like that and.....also, there are moments when I am unhappy when i want someone to hurt me and violate me.
Now, my most recent girlfriend was open to this sort of thing, and so one time, she handcuffed me and hurt me if i gasped or moved on the bed when she did things to me. But at the end she released me and let me do things to her....so i come here still a bit confused.
i certainly know what you mean about how it helps when your unhappy. i hate it when i ask to be punnish cos i feel bad and Master wont. (he promices he will now that we've talked about it.
now i know you know how Muse but for those of you who dont:
my first longterm partner/ current partner/ now master (when playing) introduced me and i am so glad he did. first time i stayed at his he asked if he could try somthing...he got out the string, tied me spredeagle to the turrets of his castle bed and that was it. i loved it and so did he, he was so glad i didnt freak cos it was a huge risk on his part. thart first time i pretended to be all grumpy cos i didnt want him too be inside me...i sliped into the sub role really quite naturaly and now he has even collared me :)
I have had really bad past experiences with guys forcing me to do stuff and because I was traumatized by it I think mentally I kind of turned it into something I liked to cope with it? I have heard psychologists say its a coping mechanism. So my current OH started handcuffing me and being a bit more forceful and I loved it! Now I get ridiculously excited even at the prospects of handcuffs, blindfold and a good spanking :P
sometimes i wonder whelther having onenigt stands when i first became sexualy active had a bigger affecton me that i ever realsed at the time (i know it messed me up but perhaps it has something to do with what i enjoy now) it really gave me trust issues and thats what i really like about BDSM- its a trust game and witout trust it doesnt work.
alternitively perhaps it was already inately in me (always liked holding electric fences and thought that being handcuffed to the headboard would be fun) or operhaps its purely 'cos i enjoyed it the first time i tried it and amopenminded.