Been with my partner 13years I’m wanting to try new things and experiment with my partner but don’t want him left feeling inadequate as this is not the case. How did you approach your partners to use toys did you just buy them and show them or discuss it first how did you bring the conversation up? Any advise welcome and thank you
We were just discussing this!
We have quite a few toys for my wife but nothing for me.
So we were discussing it and we are not a newly together couple, in fact been together for almost 29 years. Neither of us masturbate solo and I have never used a sex toy on myself and have never had one used on me.
I must admit to feeling a tad apprehensive for some reason but it is something that we will be looking into.
I am disabled and suffer mobility issues and chronic pain and so there are times when I am unable to actually have sex, so it is an option.
Hi all - I was worried as I never tried to satisfy myself on my own and I use to have no drive. We then talked and decided to try toys at first hubby told me desires and what fantasies he had with toys and me. First time I tried was ackward but I tried again and started to realise what I liked. Hubby then wanted to join in and it was a real turn on with him their and he enjoyed more too. So being open discussing and asking if they wanted to try any also
Hoi and welcome to the forums Dollie. I didn't really have a discussion as such with my wife about sex toys. I bought her a bullet and a rabbit for Christmas last year, gave them to her secretly as we have kids and explained why I had got them for her. If you can, buy toys for him at the same time that way he won't feel left out. Or maybe give him the opportunity to pick some toys out to use on you.
Hey Dollie321, I had a vibrator when I met my husband so for us it was just natural. I showed him what I had, and he was into it. We regularly use toys when having sex and I think it makes it a little more fun sometimes. I also use toys solo, he just uses his hand solo (although I have got him a male stroker recently!)
You never know, maybe your partner might just be as open to trying new things as you are! It's so natural and in no way will a dildo ever compare to the real thing so he should hopefully not feel inadequate. Just have an honest open discussion. Good luck x
Lingerie can be a subtle opener. You could show him a few bits you've found on here that you like and ask his opinion on what he'd prefer. From there it's only a click or two away from the toy section, so you could have a browse through that with him 'while you're there'. 🙂 Even if you don't buy anything straight away it's a good giggle, and it'll give you a reference point to return to later saying something like, 'I've been thinking about those toys we were looking at...' 🙂
He'll either jump at the chance or it'll highlight any issues he has with the idea. If it's the latter you'll have to have a proper open and honest chat with him about his reservations, but at least you got the ball rolling. 🙂
Hope this is useful. And good luck. 🤞🙂
I already had a big collection when we became a couple. He said he felt a bit inadequate in comparison but I reassured him the real thing was much, much better.
I have recently started a new relationship after my previous 9 year relationship broke down, and I just generally dropped it into conversation with my new boyfriend if he would like to add abit of kink to the bedroom department he agreed and said its something he's always wanted to try so we started off with basics vibrating cock ring, feather tickler blindfolds we are getting more adventurous as time goes on we now have a riding crop and flogger which we are yet to try out xx
I had wanted a toy for a good while but it was my boyfriend that suggested it although I think he was kind of joking! We had been together alomst 2 years and still both living with parents and usually only saw each other at weekends with some sexts in the week. One time we were talking about being away from each other and getting horny and I told him that I masturbated quite frequently, which I think surprised him a bit. He made a joke that I needed to get a vibrator and that was enough invitation for me!
I ordered myself a dildo and vibrator and was really excited to try them. After a few months of enthusiastic use he asked me one night if I thought anymore about getting a toy! I actually felt really bad that I hadn't told him that I'd started using them so just said that it was on order and I'd let him know when they arrived as he seemed to get very excited by the idea. A few days later I sent him a photo of my toy to let him know I had just cum on my dildo. From the messages I got back I think he needed to go take care of himself right there and then!
Since then I got him a Fleshight which he says he uses quite regularly and works well.
I can answer this one, but from the other side of the question.
I was pretty prudish up until a few years ago. My GF at the time joked about me trying a butt plug while we were browsing LH for lubes and other bits.
...I think it's one of those marmite things in life where you either really like the idea of something, or you don't. I wouldn't push it too hard but if your partner shows interest, don't push it and let it blossom.
...I have quite a few toys now.
I'd recommend discussing some things with your partner before buying anything! For example buying a dildo without telling him *may* make him feel inadequate as you've mentioned your worries, but if you talk to him and allow him to see your side of things then everything will be much easier! Plus being together for 13 years, you should be able to talk about anything together 😁
Ditto what Rachel18 said......don't do what I did. Must be about 12 years ago now but I bought a rabbit vibrator without telling Mr.E (first toy I'd ever bought) and he found it under the bed. Back then we did have issues with the sexual side of our relationship and I wasn't brave enough to discuss the idea of toys with him. Silly really as we'd already been together 12 years by then but I just wasn't confident enough to broach the subject. It did cause a problem as you would expect, he felt unwanted/inadequate/not needed but after a talk he understood why I didn't tell him. Didn't take him long to ask me to use in front of him and needless to say we now have quite a few toys (with more to come), we love using them together and our sex life is beautiful. My advice is definitely discuss it with him, I'm sure he'd prefer you to be honest. I wish I'd have been brave enough back then.
MrandMrs_L wrote:
Hey Dollie321, I had a vibrator when I met my husband so for us it was just natural. I showed him what I had, and he was into it. We regularly use toys when having sex and I think it makes it a little more fun sometimes. I also use toys solo, he just uses his hand solo (although I have got him a male stroker recently!)
You never know, maybe your partner might just be as open to trying new things as you are! It's so natural and in no way will a dildo ever compare to the real thing so he should hopefully not feel inadequate. Just have an honest open discussion. Good luck x
Yep, was the same for me too. I had a trusty rabbit thrusting vibrator when I met my husband, so he has always known I have toys. He managed not to feel threatened by that particular vibrator because I pointed out that it could have been moulded from him as was pretty much identical in shape and size (sadly minus the bunny ears).
What about a wand, on the grounds that it is for intimate massage, and therefore you could argue might be easier for someone new to toys to get their head around? That you can get orgasms out of it after using it to get the knots out of the muscles in your back is completely incidental! Best of luck.
Haaa @gosig funniest post of the week .. sadly minus the bunny ears 😂 . If only 🤔!!
My two pennyworth on its way.
don't think you can actually 'get' someone into toys, or anything for that matter, unless the seed is already there. It maybe there but has never been discussed. It is still a subject that a lot of people of all ages, sexes etc find difficult to talk about in case they are perceived as weird or strange in some way. Obviously we are all different and like different things and this can also change as we get older or even as we discover new things.
Talking is the obvious place to start. But we found browsing this site together and also individually helped enormously. We made individual wish lists and then looked to see if we had matched on anything. We had on some things but a lot of different items too. We then decided to choose an item from each list, whether it was a toy or lingerie and went from there. It has opened a lot of doors that used to be firmly shut.
Good luck x
The thing that really got me in to toys was discovering one of my wife's massive dildos. I was distraught for a few hours and then it really clicked about what she desired after childbirth. After some great conversations and reassurance my eyes were excitedly opened to the great sexual adventures that could be had with the new toys. It's been awesome ever since. We've both got a variety and regularly look for what else might spice things up.
Slowly...started with a rabbit which she was very embaressed by and she actually doesn't like them. Then vibrator. But ultimately we explored them together. It's a joint journey of exploration. We now have so many toys, test for LH but ultimately we use toys together more than alone.
It was my partner's idea to use toys. It's never made him feel inadequate. In fact it's the opposite. He loves using toys on me and having the control. Maybe suggest using them to tease you whilst you are tied up. As that way it's more like a game for him rather than not feeling good enough but he will feel in control of your pleasure
After watching sex in the city the rabbit episode i bought her a Rabbit and that was 20 years ago