So recently my OH has been reading a lot of Sub/Dom stories and has requested I become more dominant in the bedroom. I'm happy to do this, just noot too sure how to go about being 'more dominant'.... Just wondered if anyone on here had any tips or advice
Thank LH
So... how to say this....
Who's naturally the dominant one?
Are you comfortable giving commands and telling her exactly what you want? Comfortable giving "punishments" on your whim? Comfortable knowing that ultimately its the sub whos actually in control (safe word baby, woo freedom!)?
Theres plenty to read online but here's a starter for 10
http://en.allexperts.com/q/BDSM-2733/2009/1/dom-1.htm
I agree with LauraP, It does depend on who is naturally more dominant, we find if you just expand on what comes naturally, then just increase the boundries, but as said above, a safe word should be made, also talk about it too, this will help
i hope this helps and enjoy yourselves.
Ork makes a great point; books and reality are rarely the same, and Dom/Sub play is different for everyone. My OH and I play sometimes. We switch; i'm probably more dominant, yet I enjoy the submission play more.
Make sure you're not doing it at the expense of your own desires/motivations, and take it slowly.
We started simply by playing a few light games that have a slight dominant aspect to them. I can share them if you think you may find them useful. You may even think they're rubbish :) (and i'm sure people who are much further into Dom/Sub play will think they're rubbish too! But they helped us break into it lightly).
Being dominant doesn't always mean she wants you to to be her master or anything...
For some, like me, when I say I want a bloke to be dominant what I mean is for him to take control and not give me any choice.. but it can be in a playfull way. Most people think being dominant involves scary hardcore bondage but it's not always like that.
A simple blindfold can be really sexy or some common handcuffs can really make a girl feel excited and like you are in control.
I think it's the idea of just being taken that turns us on. Basically just make her feel like your in control of the situation. It should be fun!
LauraP wrote:
So... how to say this....
Who's naturally the dominant one?
Are you comfortable giving commands and telling her exactly what you want? Comfortable giving "punishments" on your whim? Comfortable knowing that ultimately its the sub whos actually in control (safe word baby, woo freedom!)?
This is where i stumble, my OH also wants me to be more dominant but im not comfortable doing it xx
For me its someone taking control, whether that be telling me how to sit, what to wear, having that trust and building up on . Telling me what to do , but if I don't do as I am told 'punishments as such ' should be fun not scary baby steps try it , if you don't like it a certain way try a different way and be safe.
Ahh thanks to everyones response, its all really helpful.
I'd consider myself to be the more dominant one in the bedroom, and we have used blindfolds and light bondage before so I am interested in pushing the boundaries a little.
Taking on what I've read I think I'll just take it slow and try to push the boundaries that bit more.
Thanks to everyone for the advice, I know LH could answer!
I would say simply by experimenting...
yorkshire_lover wrote:
Taking on what I've read I think I'll just take it slow and try to push the boundaries that bit more.
Ey up chap (fellow yorkshire man, couldn't resist), keep in mind that she's asked you to push the boundries. It's not like you're approaching this cold.
Be commanding without being pushy, be consistent, plan a head a little bit and give everything a purpose (spanking just to spank VS spanking because she's not done as you've asked and needs to be 'punished' - the activity is the same, the context is completely different and you'll both feel that). Also it may feel like it's not needed while you're at the early stages, but do agree a safe word; just something either of you can utter if you're far outside of your comfort zone and want to stop... and most importantly, if one of you uses the word, be sure to talk about what they didn't like so you can avoid/learn/find alternatives.
I could do with being more confident more than anything...
i dont know how be dominant, but husband automatic dominant over me and i like very much
You really need to discuss with your wife exactly what she thinks a dominant lover is. It depends what kind of stuff shes been reading. You need to do some reading as well.
I mean the basics of dominance is you tell her what you want and she obeys, you give her directions etc. That means you need to have lots of ideas about what you want her to do. Bondage is great (I particularly love prediciment bondage) but then you have to have enough ideas to keep things going because essentially you are now responsible for both yours and hers pleasure.
Then you get more in to the punishment/funishment side. Give her rules and enough scope within them for her to make her own decisions/mistakes mwhaha then she can be the architect of her own demise.
Obviously there are lots of different ways of inflicting varying degrees of pain. You can add the incentive of a given reward, such as being allowed to have an orgasm, and the threat of a punishment if she doesn't comply, 3 slaps on the bum or something.
The other area is humiliation play. One to consider.
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Just a suggestion but you could try this...
Think of yourself as a character when you're being dominant rarther that you being a dominant person. Think of it as a role in a play or book character, it's not yourdelf it's a character for "the bedroom"
Even give yourself a nick name if it helps do differentiate.
It's a difficult topic really because it all depends on the kind of thing that she likes. I've read some BDSM stories and while some parts of them horrify and scare me, other parts I fantasise about for weeks afterwards. I personally love it when my OH blindfolds me and ties me up and "uses" me. He's obviously caring about whether or not I'm enjoying it, but he focuses more on what feels good for him. I love this! Although I fight against the restraints and beg for him to untye me so I can do more, he never does and I think it adds an element to it. I think it's important to not get out of character, no matter what she asks or says.
Read Fifty Shades of Grey together in the evenings and perhaps buy a set of handcuffs. ;) have fun!