Usually my partner is very much the dominant one in the bedroom, and I have always been submissive, even with past partners. However, this month we decided to turn the tables as a little experiment.
I have never been dominant before and would love some tips. I have plenty of confidence and ironically, plenty of ideas but when push comes to shove, something holds me back (Maybe a fear of doing it wrong and looking like an idiot.)
Anyway, he isnt into pain, so sadism is off the table, but any other forms of bondage would be acceptable. but fancies some mild humiliation, orgasm denial, teasing and worshipping.....so my question is...
Any tips on what I could incorporate into play? I guess I need some ideas that are not "too" extreme that will still blow his mind. What do you enjoy? How should I approach this? lol
Usually my partner is very much the dominant one in the bedroom, and I have always been submissive, even with past partners. However, this month we decided to turn the tables as a little experiment.
I have never been dominant before and would love some tips. I have plenty of confidence and ironically, plenty of ideas but when push comes to shove, something holds me back (Maybe a fear of doing it wrong and looking like an idiot.)
Anyway, he isnt into pain, so sadism is off the table, but any other forms of bondage would be acceptable. but fancies some mild humiliation, orgasm denial, teasing and worshipping.....so my question is...
Any tips on what I could incorporate into play? I guess I need some ideas that are not "too" extreme that will still blow his mind. What do you enjoy? How should I approach this? lol
Be unflinchingly firm and keep the upper hand. Dont even momentarily lose the upper hand by reverting to an equal status dynamic during the session. Stay in control by shifting the power dynamic 100% into your favour. Think calm and self possessed school mistress. At the same time keep him the absolute centre of your attention and show hints of affection.
I agree once comfortable that is the best approach. But the OP is stuggling to get into the role. I think getting into the mind set of the role and staying in it can actually help if you can do it as them the whole thing is in character. Like acting it helps with the nerves if you actually become the character rather than trying to play it as yourself.
We rarely switch but when we do I like to be told clearly and assertively what to do. I always like to be restrained (hands behind back good start) and blindfolded! Different textures for teasing also work well so suggest leather, satin, something sheer to tease with.
Most important is to try to replicate the things he enjoys doing to you and stay in character if you can :-)
Oh and one final thing.............being told to give oral and receiving it whilst helpless can be explosive :-)
Sounds like lots of fun Fluffbags enjoy no doubt you have a toy box of tricks to use on him I hope he knows what he has let himself in for enjoy babe x
I think my problem is confidence. I mean, I have plenty but when it comes to "New" things I hesitate. Inside my head I have ohhhh so many ideas, but when the time comes I think no I can't lol. Its only because, not only have I never really dominated before but I am also very much accustomed to doing as he says! It has been very interesting and exciting but I am just taking it slower. I have him for two weeks (Under my control) so I feel comfortable taking it slow. The last two nights have been interesting :D
Last night, he managed to catch me off guard. He saw a weakness and totally pounced and I was like a rabbit in the headlights. As soon as I saw "That look" in his eyes I knew I was screwed as I felt myself immediately begin submitting. I whipped him back into shape though. Teehee. Switching is harder than I imagined but also extremely fun. :D I am sharing my photos on my blog Kinky one. I will come chat on FB later, get some tips hehe x
Hen Night Toad. I took your advise and thought of it as playing a character or role. That seems to be working better actually. I have more confidence as the days go on. I think I might be enjoying this more than I will admit to him bahahahaha! He said I was doing brilliant, but its only the tip of the iceburg. I hope I find the confidence to play out all the ideas in my head.
MightyBum: I LIKE this idea. I am not formulating plans to catch him completely off guard.
I am glad I amuse you I refer you back to my statement: "Inside my head I have ohhh so many ideas but when the time comes I think no, I can't do it"
The pegging was done on a much more equal footing. There wasnt a D/s theme to that play but the intention was to experiment with it and potentially bring it into BDSM play at a later date. It was just "Hey wanna try this?" "How was that" kinda situation. Just experimental play.
What I am struggling with is to become more authorititve when I am in charge. To demand, speak up, make him do things. I lack the confidence to act authorititive. I can still peg his ass as much as I want, I have confidence to do that, but rather than quietly doing so, I would like to be less coupley/equal about it and more "Your my bitch" lol. Does that make any sense?
This thread was more about how to get the confidence to maintain a domme role throughout sessions. I don't think I said I was unsure about being in charge. I like to be in charge (Maybe not all the time but certainly in a switchy kinda way) I just havent found it to be an easy transition from usually being submissive. I sometimes struggle to act, or speak up in the moment. Like I think "Erm what should I be saying/doing now" Just like what Hen Night Toad mentioned.
I also think it was probably a crap thread to start because only I can learn to get confidence by practising I guess. However I just wanted tips from guys who enjoy being submissive on what "kind" of dominance works for them. Having never done this before I want to make him happy not think "WTF just happened" lol
Hen Night Toad. I took your advise and thought of it as playing a character or role. That seems to be working better actually. I have more confidence as the days go on. I think I might be enjoying this more than I will admit to him bahahahaha! He said I was doing brilliant, but its only the tip of the iceburg. I hope I find the confidence to play out all the ideas in my head.
Glad its working better. Its a bit like doing anything that makes you nervous, standing up in front of a group of people, getting on a roller coaster, etc Forget the real you for that moment and imagine yourself as the person you want to be. Then be that person and stay in that role until your done. You'll be pegging him in no time.
As an idea,strip him naked and tie him blindfolded to a chair in your living area (or standing with his arms tied above his head, fixtures and fittings permitting). Turn the TV or some music up pretty loud so he can't tell when you're going to pounce.
Next, go about your regular evening, but every few minutes give him a tug or a lick or a tweak to keep him primed. Keep this going all evening so that he's permanently hard or semi-hard. YOu don't have to say a word as the not knowing and lack of control will drive hi crazy.
You can let him cum at some point and the repeat as required. When bed times comes, just untie him and say good night!
As an idea,strip him naked and tie him blindfolded to a chair in your living area (or standing with his arms tied above his head, fixtures and fittings permitting). Turn the TV or some music up pretty loud so he can't tell when you're going to pounce.
Next, go about your regular evening, but every few minutes give him a tug or a lick or a tweak to keep him primed. Keep this going all evening so that he's permanently hard or semi-hard. YOu don't have to say a word as the not knowing and lack of control will drive hi crazy.
You can let him cum at some point and the repeat as required. When bed times comes, just untie him and say good night!
I refer you back to my statement: "Inside my head I have ohhh so many ideas but when the time comes I think no, I can't do it" 