How to dominate?

Hubby and I have been having a chat lately and it would appear (he has confirmed) that he enjoys it more when u dominate him.

I have no problem with this but I’m getting into a bit of a rut with what I do and how I do it. How do I take it up a notch and get him even more excited?

I currently use a blindfold on him and a tickler/massage oils/varying licks/strokes etc. I was wondering about massage candles? He’s not as into pain as I am so it’d need to be ‘just’ enough. Any one got any recommendations?

I can’t really do too much temperature play as such as I have extremely sensitive teeth!!

Not really our thing so I'm sure others will be along to offer ideas, but we do really like massage candles and LH have some good ones.

The candles provide the 'slip' and you can use you fingers or a toy (we like the nubby glass dildo, used over back muscles like a rolling pin).

Not sure about more intimate massage, but basically you tip the melted wax into your hand to test the temperature rather than pouring it directly onto someone else... it isn't hot, just warm. The candles are designed to melt at quite a low point, so it feels soothing rather than anything else - if you want a shot of pain then you might want to try something else.

We do the things you have described, minus the blindfold and with me on top. That all feels within the vanilla range, so I can't give any advice on how to be more dominating. Some lingerie items come with a satin tie which you could put to good but gentle use? Ask him what he has in mind, and see if you are comfortable with any suggestions? Does he just mean you taking control, or something stronger?

Have you thought about a Wattenberg wheel for a different sensation play? You can vary the pressure so it doesn't have to be painful.

If he wants to feel dominated without pain have you discussed restraints?

With regards candles, you can vary the heat by how far you drop the wax from, hold it further away and it has longer to cool before touching the body. It's a bit trial and error but again doesn't need to be painful, half the excitement is the anticipation which means it would work very well with the blindfold.

Submission can be a very personal thing. I feel the really key ingredient in pleasuring, caring for and keeping the trust of a submissive partner is really good communication about what they like, and fantasise about, and knowing what their known hard and soft limits are.

I really recommend giving your OH a long list of every possible kinky or non-kinky type of play there is (you can find these online and adapt to your needs) and asking for an honest response to whether they would contemplate having it done to them. At this point it doesn't necessarily have to be something you want to do, but it expands your knowledge of their boundaries, and lets your take charge and dominate them in the bedroom.

Knowing these things about a submissive, also allows them to let go and submit fully, which is a big turn-on for them, with the trust that you won‘t exceed their limits, and that you‘re taking care not to offend, upset, or hurt them physically.

I also recommend finding out detail such as clothing that turns your sub on, types of words to use (eg. respectful/degrading) and expectations of your behaviour during play (eg. physical actions like face-sitting, aftercare, etc) so as not to step over boundaries and spoil the mood at a crucial point.

The pleasure your can give this way is amplified for them, and your pleasure may be amplified by theirs :D

It's a good conversation to start, regardless of where this leads for you.

Happy adventuring!

In any BDSM play, consent is always better given in advance, so you can maintain total control during play. Asking for permission during play can be a big turn-off for some.

For me, there's really is no substitute for knowing that something I do during an intense bedroom session won't cross a line and lose me the trust of my loving partner. It now gives me huge confidence and a big thrill to be able to plan things with the assurance my sub will be turned on by my fiendish ways ;-)

Remember, consent can always be withdrawn during (by simply saying stop, or safewording out of a situation), or can easily be revised in hindsight, away from kinky play, so you are always sure your relationship isn't damaged by misunderstandings.

I'm often heartened by so many voices in he BDSM community emphasising trust, communication, safety, and aftercare above everything else. It underpins all the fun stuff!

There's some great books and audio books on domination. I recommend The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W Hardy. Their book on bottoming is pretty good too.

For me , I love her being my master . You can only have a first time for many things . The first time she mounted me with her strapon gave us both a whole new perspective ! Being tied up and in her total control while blindfolded gets me going quite well . Super lite caressing all over , or being commanded to lick her until she is tired of cuming . We are not into the pain thing , but hot and cold temps can be a lot of fun . While blindfolded I have been her snack bar with all sorts of sweets licked or litely chewed off me . Also using my rechargable prostrate massager with remote can add surprises as she commands me to do whatever .While she is slightly clothed and I am totally naked she has me do some housework while showing her displeasure with her ridding crop . The more often we do it , the more creative we can become . Whatever is comfortable for both of you .

Spanking with a paddle, on the crease between the thigh and the buttock gets my OH really turned on. The shock waves send nice vibrations to the genitals. It doesn't have to hurt for this to feel really, really good. I'd recommend something with a good weight, and strikes spread over a larger area, if your OH doesn't like the stinging of a crop, or whip, say.

A paddle or a crop are also really good for physically reinforcing verbal instructions like kneel, spread 'em, etc.

I personally find a pinched nipple, really hot too, and teasing blow-jobs (edging & orgasm denial) a real turn on, if my wife feels the need to take a lead.

I'm not into submission in a big way, and not too often, but I love going down on my OH when I'm not in the dom role. She finds it a bit submissive on my part for our kinkier BDSM play. I'd say if your partner wants to submit to your needs, this could be a perfect opportunity for you to direct him to give you head as much and as often as you want it! Kneeling on the floor in front of you while you give orders is pretty awesome fun for many subs :-D. Hands tied & led in a collar may be fun for him too, of course.

Bondage play is really good for making my partner feel vulnerable and submissive. Combine this with a little anal plug, perhaps (trust games, teasing, and for a man, prostate pleasure).

So many possibilities! Don't forget that dominating him often means he feels the need to serve to please you! By all means play to his desires, but for some subs, first and foremost of these desires is doing the thing their Dom wants...

Have fun!

Tie him down, blindfold him, then edge him until he whimpers.

Then edge him some more! 😈

Gosig wrote:

Tie him down, blindfold him, then edge him until he whimpers.

Then edge him some more! 😈

gosig I have to admit that as a submissive you are so correct