Need serious advice- My boyfriend has me majorly confused!
Sometimes, he is extremely outgoing with regards to sex and really wants to experiment. However, other times he can be quite prudish and isn't willing to explore sex toys with me...
It's quite frustrating as I really want to spice up our sex lives. We are both young- I'm 20, He is 25, and we had a child one year ago. We've had a few problems in our relationship but I feel it's time we got back to the new and exciting phase and I want to introduce toys.
I have one small toy which I use alone, he is aware I use it and we have used it together once but he hasn't been keen on using it again! I really want sex toys to be a part of our sex life and don't want to give up on this... I have bought sexy underwear and outfits which I have been too embarrassed to wear as I'm afraid of what his reaction may be.
I need advice on how to slowly introduce toys to our sex life and get my partner more sex driven.
You could ask him what he feels his limits are and what he feels comfortable... I know if I got bigger toys my partner wouldn't like it as he would feel inadequete. See what his reply is and go from there. x
It could be that he feels 'rejected' if you want to introduce toys, he may be feeling that it is because he isn't good enough for you and you're unsatisfied, rather than seeing toys as an enhancement to what you are doing. Communication is the key, being open and honest and reassuring him it shouldn't be seen as a replacement for him, or that it is because he is doing something wrong, but that you want to make it better for both of you.
Start of slowly, something unthreatening, a bullet or similar, then take it from there :)
My GF and I only recently started using this site (we're a similar age) and the best thing to get either party interested was buying each other a gift.
I bought her a vibrator and she chose me a stroker sleeve. Try it. Buy him a present for him, something for him to enjoy, then give it to him to use (o bette, YOU use it on him!) and enjoy and that should convert him. Use lovehoney to let him scroll and choose something for you in time when he seems satisfied.
I think it's important that you communicate with him. It could be he thinks sex toys are about you not being satisfied with him, it's important that h sees this as something good for you both, buying him a toy is a great idea but only if he wants to xperimnt. If you can't face talking to him, try asking him through email or text or by writing a letter. You need to go on this journy together, you can't drag him with you.
Hasn't arrived yet :/ Tomorrow will be two weeks since we last had sex.. I am so frustrated. Went out to the cinema tonight and had a good time, gave him oral before we left and he put love balls into me and I wore them out :) Felt good and still wearing now however he has just plugged in the playstation... SHOOT ME! lol. Pretty fed up at this point if I'm honest.
crikey i think there could be loads of ways talking looking on LH together writing down things you would like to try out,Printing some pictures off sending links to toys so he cn chek it out by himself.
Ok so the stroker and lube arrived on Monday! Was working Monday night so decided I would try it with him last night!!
Was very well recieved, I used it on him and he enjoyed it. He said it made him a bit sore at the end but other than that a good experience. However, after using it on him and bringing him to orgasm, I was extremely turned on and needed to cum also... He said he wouldn't be able to get it up again and that was that. No offering to touch me, use a toy on me, nothing. I lay there in shock and asked would he use a toy on me he said no as he didn't want anyone in the house hearing. He then rolled over and fell asleep.
Ok so the stroker and lube arrived on Monday! Was working Monday night so decided I would try it with him last night!!
Was very well recieved, I used it on him and he enjoyed it. He said it made him a bit sore at the end but other than that a good experience. However, after using it on him and bringing him to orgasm, I was extremely turned on and needed to cum also... He said he wouldn't be able to get it up again and that was that. No offering to touch me, use a toy on me, nothing. I lay there in shock and asked would he use a toy on me he said no as he didn't want anyone in the house hearing. He then rolled over and fell asleep.
To say I was pissed off is an understatement!!
Selfish prick or am I over reacting???
Wow, how incredibly selfish!
I don't understand how he's fine with being pleasured but refused and ignored your needs. I'd be more than upset by this.
Does he not initiate anything sexually? I'd suggest talking to him and letting him no that it's not acceptable that he's ignoring your needs. Part of the pleasure is giving as well as receiving. I reckon a night of him tending to you and your needs is more than overdue. The thing with some men is that they can be quite oblivious about these issues that's why instead of penting up all this tension you should try and talk to him. It's not fair on you to feel neglected especially when you are putting effort into making him feel sexually satisfied and happy.
Ok so the stroker and lube arrived on Monday! Was working Monday night so decided I would try it with him last night!!
Was very well recieved, I used it on him and he enjoyed it. He said it made him a bit sore at the end but other than that a good experience. However, after using it on him and bringing him to orgasm, I was extremely turned on and needed to cum also... He said he wouldn't be able to get it up again and that was that. No offering to touch me, use a toy on me, nothing. I lay there in shock and asked would he use a toy on me he said no as he didn't want anyone in the house hearing. He then rolled over and fell asleep.
To say I was pissed off is an understatement!!
Selfish prick or am I over reacting???
Wow, how incredibly selfish!
I don't understand how he's fine with being pleasured but refused and ignored your needs. I'd be more than upset by this.
Does he not initiate anything sexually? I'd suggest talking to him and letting him no that it's not acceptable that he's ignoring your needs. Part of the pleasure is giving as well as receiving. I reckon a night of him tending to you and your needs is more than overdue. The thing with some men is that they can be quite oblivious about these issues that's why instead of penting up all this tension you should try and talk to him. It's not fair on you to feel neglected especially when you are putting effort into making him feel sexually satisfied and happy.
Let us know how you get on.
Nymeria, totally agreed!! Selfish...
Sooo today we were a bit off with eachother, then he went to the gym and when he returned he was quite enthusiastic about touching me although it wasn't an appropriate time (we have a young baby)
He usually initiates everything... as whenever I try to, he usually rejects me and makes me feel crap if I'm honest :/ Bothers me that he gets sex pretty much whenever he feels like it cos I'm the one waiting around for him to want me... Very confused at the minute!
Hm, my partner was pretty stand-offish (I'm the "clingy" one ;P) too but we talk loads being in a long distance relationship so he knows how "needy" I can be at times. Even then, it's normal to want to feel reassured by your partner. If you're not getting that comfort then it needs to be stated. As I said before- guys can be really oblivious. I used to get annoyed when I'd want to spend more time together whereas he was content- I'd then try to push myself away hoping he'd become closer to me... but all it does is stress me out further and having him further away lol.
I've learned to just tell him exactly what I want and how I feel. Sometimes that can feel hard because it can feel like you're putting yourself out there to be rejected once again- but I think this is much better than going through the confusion and stress of the distance and feelings of neglect.
I'd suggest coming to some sort of compromise. Have a day organised where you and your partner/s can spend some quality time together, this can end up being a movie night or a sexy night in etc.
Woah it's quite reassuring to know I'm not alone, so sorry you feel as shit as I do :( It's really offputting isn't it? I'm fed up of being rejected but I agree with you, Nymeria, I think the best way is to jus be open and honest with how I'm feeling and risking the rejection yet again. Tonight we have had a lot of fun together just laughing and joking and I feel a lot more positive. Hopefully he will relax with me as I know I have not been an easy person to live with lately (postnatal depression and a million other things!)
We had a very interesting day yesterday!! Got into a fight which later resulted in amaaaazing make up sex :) Haha, I am one happy girl today, he has opened up a lot and I am hoping it lasts! x