Hello I am new here and this is my first post it is a genuine post and I'm not posting to start a heated debate just want some advise from people with experience
im 28 and my husband is 39 we have been together for 9 years married for 3 we have 2 kids together.....so anyway lately my husband has been honest with me and told me that he has a huge fantasy about him watching me with another man I was a bit shocked at this and don't know how to take it we have talked about it and I'm still confused a part of me thinks it will be a turn on to fulfill his fantasy anther part of me thinks does he still love me or does he want to use this as an excuse to go with another woman even the he said that's not the case I'm just confused...he would never force me into something I don't want to do I just want other people thoughts if that's ok
The only advice I can give you is to do whatever you feel comfortable doing. If you don't like the idea of something - then do not do it as you will only regret it. Just do what is right for you Hun.
firstly welcome , hope you get lots of advice and have fun here on the forums .
its quite a common fantasy for people to have .. i BELIEVE its called cuckolding ? its certainly not for everyone at all , i personally am not the sort of person that would ever really feel comfortable sharing my partner i dont think in reality .. although i did and still do fantasise about a bi mmf threesome with my ex .
has he MENTIONED him wanting to also try being with someone else or is his fantasy soley wanting to see you with another dude ?
personally from the little bit youve said , its a no go for you as you dont seem to be at all at ease with the idea . maybe try watching some cucolding porn together ? but dont feel pressured into saying yes youll do it in any sort of hot & heated moment .. ;) in the throes of passion a lot of promises can come out in a semi delerious orgasmic state !
You're not alone, this is a common fantasy for men, so it's not like he's being strange or anything like that.
All I can advise is for you to think long and hard about it. You're the only one that can make this decision, and I'm sorry that I can't help you anymore.
If its something you're not comfortable with, don't do it. If you have any problems in your relationship, don't do it. And if you feel this could affect your relationship in the future, don't do it.
It's all down to you I'm afraid, I really hope you come to a conclusion that will make you happy.
Your husbands fantasy certainly isn't anything unusual - it's suprisingly common. But it's not suitable for everyone. Like any kind of sexual experience that involves another person outside of the relationship, you are likely to find that the reality doesn't quite live up to the fantasy, and 9 times out of 10, someone ends up getting hurt.
I'd be tempted to have a very frank discussion with him, and ask him why it's so appealing for him to watch you with someone else, and does he understand the full repercussions of such an act going ahead?
But think about how you would feel if it was the other way round - would you want to watch him have sex with another woman? If the answer is an outright no, then I don't think this is wise to pursue. I've unfortunately seen to many ocassions where people have tried threesomes or voyuer style fantasies, and there is a huge amount of regret and unhappiness which results in, sadly, relationship break-ups - which is especially tough if you have children.
Are you satisfied with the sexual relationship you guys have together? Have things 'fizzled' out? If so, perhaps you just need to rekindle that spark for each other, and persuade him that he doesn't need to act out on these fantasies to live a fulfilled and happy sex life.
Perhaps spend some time browsing through the various toys and perhaps treat yourselves to some new things to play with, to liven things up in the bedroom.
At the end of the day, you have to both appreciate each other, and understand that sometimes fantasies should just be that - fantasy.
I wish you all the best, and remember, you don't have to get into a situation where you might regret it. Not acting out his fantasy does not mean you don't love him or anything like that - don't ever let anything like that manipulate you. I've seen it happen before, and have experienced it myself long ago..
Iwould hate to see him with another woman tho I do myself have a small fantasy of me being with another woman while he watched but not got involved but I dont think I would act on it and I'm not totally sure I would be with another man I love him dearly the only thing I think is making him happy with his fantasy even if I'm 100 percent honest I don't think I would enjoy it
our sex life is still amazing we do a lot of things together and we are both happy we try new things and we have a variety to be honest we do pretty much everything except total bondage and other people lol
he has said that he's not sure if he could actually do it himself it's just in his head
maybe it's a thing we could just role play but I'm not sure how we would go about it lol we do have toys and we do watch porn together
As the others have said this is something only you can really answer..
My Oh also loves this fantasy and we have talked about it a lot. My Oh does not want to have other partners , he doesnt even really want to be there he says he loves the thought of me being sexy/horny and doing it because I want to.
We are older (dont know if that makes a difference lol) and a few years ago i actually took the plunge , Oh knew before hand., and for us it was a very exciting . I enjoyed the control and the naughtiness of the sex. My Oh was not there but when i got home we had fantastic sex as i told him what i had done.. In fact we often talk about it when warming up or during sex, it worked for us but we have been together for 30 years. I havent done it since although i have been tempted and i tell my Oh about my temptation and my flirting and it always gets us both going.
However and importantly it is down to you. I felt in control I did enjoy it and if i wanted to do it again I would...notice the use of "I" it really is down to you..
You could always just try the fantasy talk with your other half and see how he reacts AFTER the sex ...
maybe it's a thing we could just role play but I'm not sure how we would go about it lol
Role-play could be the way to go - agree a character for him, and how he met you, before hand. You could even go as far as a disguise for him - wig, costume etc. Then video your encounter. Watching the video back might put enough mental distance in there to indulge his fantsy of seeing you with someone else. If not, at least you've probably both had a fun evening making the video!
maybe it's a thing we could just role play but I'm not sure how we would go about it lol
Role-play could be the way to go - agree a character for him, and how he met you, before hand. You could even go as far as a disguise for him - wig, costume etc. Then video your encounter. Watching the video back might put enough mental distance in there to indulge his fantsy of seeing you with someone else. If not, at least you've probably both had a fun evening making the video!
good idea might suggest that to him thank you so much everyone for your replies I feel a lot better now lol
I think if your husband actually had the opportunity to watch you with another man he probably wouldnt. Fantasys are fantasy a for a reason. It's our way of dreaming up the most extreme situations that we would love to be involved in but know we would never have the chance. I fantasise about having a threesome with my oh and him sitting there watching another girl go down on me. But I know neither of us would have the balls to do it. It's my little bit of kink inside my head to think about when I'm having sex etc. just sit down and talk. If you feel you would both like to spice things up maybe try some role play etc first or news toys.
I agree with everyone above - it's totally up to you to make the desicion based on what is going on in your head :) I personally couldn't do it, because I'd end up getting very jealous and insecure :/
From what you have said, I would suggest that it's not the thing for you.
If it would not turn you on, then you certainly should not go through with it. Roleplaying maybe a way to go, as it's a nice halfway house for the both of you.
Fantasies are fun and some are there to be tried out, but only if it appeals to both of you.
My wife quite likes the idea of being in a 3some with 2 bi guys, but I'm not going to make that happen for her as guys don't do it for me. But if she wants to fantasize about it whilst we have sex then that's fair enough. I'm sure I can be creative!
We have dabbled with the cuckold fantasy and it is fun to play out, but both parties have to be up for it and both parties have to be secure enough to be able to call it quits afterwards. The problem I find with this little fantasy is that it is cronic in that men will seek out other men into the same fantasy and push and push the fantasy further and further to the extreme.
Check any cuckold forum and you will see what I mean.
In the end it's great that he can share this fantasy with you and feel safe enough to do so, it shows you are open and caring as a couple. But if it does not do it for you, then fantasy is as far as it should go.
I don't think he would enjoy it if he could see that you were uncomfortable anyway. This isn't something I personally would feel comfortable doing but everyone is different. Some fantasies are better left at just that though. I hope you make a decision you feel happy with :) x
Hiya just keeping u informed I have been thinking all about it and I have decided to just keep it as his fantasy I just couldn't do it it would hurt me to much I love my husband dearly and he means the world to me it hurts me to think of any one else other than him near me so he can keep it locked away in his head
