I have been married for over 11 years and i love my wife more than anything.
when we have sex its amazing toys blindfolds, a lot of fun and exitment but i have noticed that over the last few months maybee longer that i'm the one that always starts it or instacate it. It gets me down thinking that she is never wanting to start having sex with me. I know she loves me loads and that she loves to have sex with me after i start it. she does work hard and the kids do take a lot of our energy. We both work hard but you always have to make time for sex I have forgotten what a blow job feels like too. I would have sex everyday but I am always randy. I just wanted a rant i think but maybee someone else has the same problem!
Bless you, my ex used to always start the sex but that was because he'd rejected my advances and hints so much I gave up trying.
women aren't always direct with their hints she might be being so subtle you haven't picked up on them, for instance I'd ask my ex if he'd like to join me for an early night. His head would be buried in his laptop. So maybe try and read a little deeper. Maybe text her during the say and plant suggestions into her head, if she knows your horny she's more likely to be aroused by you telling her you are and if your both up for it what does it matter who gets the ball rolling.
Things like texting her n getting her heated up can help, talking to her, perhaps your not getting her small advances.
Also confidence is a massive part :) It toke my bf a while to know when I was getting myself in the mood which can take a while, he now knows if I kiss him in a certain way what im wanting
I think it can be a case oof subtlety, I know now when GF gives me a certain look or uses a certain voice that it is on, but it took me a while to cotton on to this. Think it is always best to ask at a convenient point but then I think some people (women and men) are genuinely happy for their partner to take the lead, they might be far far from not being interested.
I think it can be a case oof subtlety, I know now when GF gives me a certain look or uses a certain voice that it is on, but it took me a while to cotton on to this. Think it is always best to ask at a convenient point but then I think some people (women and men) are genuinely happy for their partner to take the lead, they might be far far from not being interested.
I really lack the confidence to instigate sex. Silly when we have been together for 10 years I know.
I know he wants me to instigate it more, I don't know why I can't.
How silly is that?
So maybe she feels a little like me? Have you tried talking to her?
My OH is EXACTLY like this. I want her to initiate sex a little more, but she just can't for some reason. It used to be because she was scared that I'd say no or wouldn't be in the mood, but we've been together 6 years now and I've never said no!
My OH has a few confidence issues anyway, so that might have something to do with it. Plus I think she likes me starting because she likes seeing how horny she makes me. Maybe some women are just like that?
Back on topic, I would have a chat with her and tell her how you feel. You should also keep instigating sex. For me and my OH, I don't think it's a problem that I always initiate sex until she starts saying no to me. THAT'S when I would start having a problem.
I have been married for over 11 years and i love my wife more than anything.
when we have sex its amazing toys blindfolds, a lot of fun and exitment but i have noticed that over the last few months maybee longer that i'm the one that always starts it or instacate it. It gets me down thinking that she is never wanting to start having sex with me. I know she loves me loads and that she loves to have sex with me after i start it. she does work hard and the kids do take a lot of our energy. We both work hard but you always have to make time for sex I have forgotten what a blow job feels like too. I would have sex everyday but I am always randy. I just wanted a rant i think but maybee someone else has the same problem!
You will find that is normal . In most relationships you will always find one who is the "leader" and initiatiates.Its also normally the person with the Lovehoney Account. Coincidence ? may be . It isn't always the dominant person in the bedroom either .There are a couple of subs on here who initiate most things with their partners.
Sometimes I wish my Mrs would initaite things more often but on the few times that she has done this it has been more enjoyable .
You could try hinting over a nice meal. Say something like " Once in a while it would be a nice surpise if you would grab me as I came through the door from work etc. " Just something on those sort of lines or say this happend to one of your mates etc, In effect just try and sew the seed. . It may not work but nothing lost in trying.
A woman asks 'why am I the one who always has to initiate sex'? A mans response 'I'll tell you why; I'm available for sex all the time, basically. So anytime you want to have it, you can have it. But anytime I want it, I can't'.
It isn't always the dominant person in the bedroom either .There are a couple of subs on here who initiate most things with their partners.
I am one of those subs haha! I used to initate sex 99% of the time with my OH. He was always up for it but just seemed to wait for me to make a move, because he was worried that if he initiated I wouldn't be in the mood, but knowing me I'd have sex anyway. He used to be quite nervous and shy about it as well.
After lots of discussion, things finally seem to be a bit better. He does initiate fairly often now (more so than me at the moment), I think because I explained to him that I may not seem in the mood, but if he starts something then the majority of the time it kickstarts my libido anyway, and I'm into it. I promised him that if I wasn't, I'd let him know instead of going along with it anyway (although I still need to work on this as I find it hard to say no).
I think the best thing to do is have a discussion with your wife and see what's going on. Is she not initiating because she isn't in the mood, or is she nervous, or does she simply enjoy it more when you do it (this was also the case with my OH), etc. Maybe try to find some sort of comprimise, whereby you still initiate a lot of the time but she at least makes an effort when she can, and tries to surprise you.
On the other hand, I wouldn't pressure her either. As long as you still have a mutually satisfying sex life and she isn't rejecting you all the time when you do initiate, I'd say you have it pretty good (although I understand your frustration!). Good luck x
I tried for two years to have sex with my OH gave up that was nine years ago
Have u spoke 2 him terri?
Hugs to u 2 d.j !!!
He ignores me if I try that too ...lol
I just accept it when it's offered .....actually I've not long ago sent him a text begging for sex tonight...and he hasn't replied....so I'll take that as a no !