A lot of you will know that I recently had to move back home. Well, whilst I was gone, my mum met someone and got married, he moved in. and he's being a bit of a c*nt. he just gave me shit, then stormed around the house slamming doors behind him. Over 20p. I asked my mum to pick me up some bloody 20p instant noodles. he gave me shit because theres already noodles here, but it's not the brand i like. i give my mum bloody rent to cover my food,water and electric. i don't have to eat crap I dont like, when I give her money to buy me food i do like. i literally only asked for a few packets of 20p noodles. i pay her my monthly rent tomorrow. all i've eaten since ive been here is two slices of toast a day when i wake up, and then whatever he's made for tea. i never complain about what hes cooked, even if i dont like it i eat it all. he's acting like i eat all their f*cking food and live here for free. i don't. i eat f*ck all, pay rent, and sleep on the f*cking floor.and it's not like im some lazy 25 year old whos living at home because i cant be f*cked to get a job. i'm only bloody 19, moved back home because of unfortunate circumstances, pay rent, and am looking to get an apprenticeship in a nursery despite having a physical illness and a few mental illnsesses. i am doing all i can to work up to moving out again, and hes treating me like some lazy, food draining leach. i left for a reason in the first place, because i hate it here, i hate this moldy, freezing cold, disgustingly dusty and uncleaned house, i hate how she's an irresponsible parent who'd rather have booze and weed than pay the bills, i hate how she's never worked a day in her life, had kids at 22 and went straight on benefits and still won't work, even though her youngest is now 13 and could take care of herself for a few hours a day whilst our mum works. i never wanted to bloody come back, if i had somewhere else to go i fricking would, he could at least not treat me like an inconvient leach whilst i'm forced to stay here!!! i've had enough, i don't want to get depressed again and need anti depressants again and self harm again but i'm really, really being pushed and pushed and tested. :'( i just needed to vent im sorry
Sorry your going through all this. I know its been a tough month for you. Step-parents are a tricky thing, espechially if you dont know them from adam. You get all the shit but you have none of the emotional ties that allow you to forgive and forget.
I've had a lot of problems with my own parents (who are great) over food and washing up, I've installed my own kitchen in my little annexe (which I pay rent on) just to avoid this situation. I used to go over for meals in their kitchen but I dont do that anymore either. Simply put if its causing friction, buy your own food, cook your own meals and do your own washing up, it seems extreme but I found its the only sure fire way to prevent friction.
As for your depression, go to see your doctor straight away if you start to feel down. And please always feel like you can come and talk to people here as most of us have gone through it and I know I myself always feel on the edge of falling down the cavernous pit that is depression.
Stay strong, focous on your work or education, I dream of having my own place one day and sometimes its all that keeps me going :)
Step parents are a nightmare. Best thing to do is reduce what you pay your mum and buy your own food. There's really nothing you can do about it, we moved in with mine when I was 14 and my sisters 18, he got both my sisters kicked out within 6 months and within a year, went to live with my dad (who's just as bad) he kicked me out when I was 15 so went back to mums and step dad's, It was hell, if he was working we'd all have to go to bed before him so he could chill out before bed, when he had been sacked he would stay up till the early hours watching TV directly below my room. He constantly went on about how much I ate, as a boxer I had to eat every four hours very light meals. It's just how they are, they don't want you there. Do as much for yourself as you can and keep out the way.
I would buy my own food, if I had money. I'm currently only getting £20 a week in disability benefit, half of which I give to her. I get paid it every 4 weeks, meaning I only actually get £40 a month for myself. From that I need to buy my own shower gel, shampoo, shaving stuff etc and other stuff I need that comes up, I also need to somehow afford bus fare to get to apprenticeship interviews which is £3 per interview, and if I get an apprentceship I'll need £13 a week for a weekly bus ticket to get to wherever my placement ends up being. How am I meant to do all that on £10 a week? :'( (im also apparently not entitled to other benefits to help me with that, even jobseekers refused to help me) i just really dont want to be here, i'm considering just telling the council they've kicked me out and im homeless because honestly i think i'd rather be in a hostel like my brother was when she kicked him out at 16. (my mum is notourious for kicking out her teenagers/the teengaers leaving on their own). i just shouldnt have to deal with her husband treating me like crap, i don't even see him as my stepdad at all, i've not even known him for 2 months yet and he thinks he can talk to me like crap. i just really, really wish i had somewhere to go, every second i spend in this damn house with this damn family makes me utterly and completely miserable, and my mum couldn't give less of a toss. :'(
Moving back home as an adult can be really difficult at the best of times but when you are living with a difficult parent or step parent, it can be unbearable.
It is ridiculous that you are only getting £20 a week. Do you have a care coordinator/CPN? If you do they should be able to get you an appointment with a benefits advisor at the mental health service. If you don't then CAB is probably your best bet.
As for leaving home and making a homeless application, I'd definitely do it if I was in your situation but you'll be fairly low on the priority list because you are over 18 and have somewhere to stay. If you do choose to make an application, make sure you mention your physical and mental health conditions as these may make you "vulnerable" (higher priority). If you have a mental health worker then it is also worth asking them to write a supporting letter.
I lived in hostels for years. Some were scary, most were filled with addicts and thieves and some were just dirty and loud but all of them were better than living at home. If you would choose to live in a hostel over home then that's evidence enough in my eyes that things are really unbearable. Shelter are a really good organisation to help you find out your rights. Listen to what they say rather than what the council say (in my experience the council will do everything they can to get out of doing their legal duty).
Thank you Friday13. I'll try to manage another few weeks here but if I can't I will definetly try and see what my other options are. I just wish I had another family member/friend to stay with. :( I'm so down I can hardly even manage to figure out how to reply to these responses, so sorry if my replies are short and basic :(
What a horrible situation, im really sorry you have to go through all this on top of everything else recently :(
I find this very depressing that little or no financial help is forthcoming. This country seems to be more into looking after "incomers" rather than their own. (Rant over).
jimbogemini wrote:
I find this very depressing that little or no financial help is forthcoming. This country seems to be more into looking after "incomers" rather than their own. (Rant over).
I agree Jimbo. Finally Cameron has woken up to that fact that lots of hardworking people in their 20s/30s cannot afford to get their own property, simply because there isn't enough affordable housing. Makes you wonder...does it just go mainly to overseas investors wanting to line their already full pockets? Or the buy-to-let investors who want a cushy retirement, while the rest of us work till we're 80-something!
I forgot to mention, the council may be able to help even if they don't have a legal duty to. Ask if they have a private rental scheme or a list of landlords that accept housing benefit. The private rental scheme is basically a scheme where they pay a non refundable incentive to the landlord in place of a deposit to try make housing benefit applicants more attractive to landlords and to offer people who have no savings for a deposit a way to get into the private rental sector.
As as you are under 35, you'll only be entitled to the single room rate of housing benefit/local housing allowance which is unlikely to cover a studio flat so you'd need to find a flat share. There are exceptions to this rule so check if any of them apply to you (off the top of my head that includes people receiving the middle or higher rate of the care component of DLA, people who receive the severe disability premium, care leavers up to age 22, and people who spent at least three months in homeless hostels and received support to be resettled in the community).
Don't worry about writing long replies (or even any replies). You have a lot on your plate and we understand that.
sorry to hear that hun i left home at 17 and wouldnt go back if they paid me lol you are paying your way! although i have nothing against bennifits people who take advantage of the system and rake in more money then we live off and work hard for gets be annoyed the least they could do is feed you your her daughter perhaspe shes getting too much benefits if she has the money to spend on weed and booze? i am lucky if i get a 3 pound bottle of wine for a friday night i would move back out hun you can get help with rent ect with you being 19 and wanting to go into college have you tried a hostel i know it may sound extreme but i was living in a mothe rand baby one at 17 not ideal but im now 20 and my partner works full time and we have our own house we pay rent and its great but for teh time being maybe you could consider going to your local council they can't refuse ypu it may take a month or so but the y will find you somewhere xx
Friday13 wrote:
I forgot to mention, the council may be able to help even if they don't have a legal duty to. Ask if they have a private rental scheme or a list of landlords that accept housing benefit. The private rental scheme is basically a scheme where they pay a non refundable incentive to the landlord in place of a deposit to try make housing benefit applicants more attractive to landlords and to offer people who have no savings for a deposit a way to get into the private rental sector.
As as you are under 35, you'll only be entitled to the single room rate of housing benefit/local housing allowance which is unlikely to cover a studio flat so you'd need to find a flat share. There are exceptions to this rule so check if any of them apply to you (off the top of my head that includes people receiving the middle or higher rate of the care component of DLA, people who receive the severe disability premium, care leavers up to age 22, and people who spent at least three months in homeless hostels and received support to be resettled in the community).
Don't worry about writing long replies (or even any replies). You have a lot on your plate and we understand that.
I've already looked into housing benefit and I'm not entitled to it at all, because I live with a parent. I'm apparently not entitled to any kind of help or benefits, because I live with a parent. The fact that the parent is completely unstable and unreliable doesn't mean anything to them. I just have to stay here until I can get a job where I can afford to move out on my own :/ ive been looking into nursery apprenticeships, even though it's not even minimum wage, i'll have qualifications at the end and be able to actually pursue a career, rather than working in tescos my entire life. although i'm really not sure how im supposed to afford £13 a week in bus fare to get anywhere when I only get £10 a week..god I'm so stuck. :'(
Chin up hunni hope you find somewhere you can call your home. I had a nightmare Step dad too i was abused and it nearly distroyed me. I fought tooth and nail to get out and went into digs at 17. You will come through stronger in the end. Best of luck x
LovemyassfistedSW72 wrote:
Chin up hunni hope you find somewhere you can call your home. I had a nightmare Step dad too i was abused and it nearly distroyed me. I fought tooth and nail to get out and went into digs at 17. You will come through stronger in the end. Best of luck x
thank you :( x
I had a bad row with my stepdad and left home at 18.
Now we.get on well. Lol
I am 19 myself and had more or less the exact same issue myself a few years back. I found it really knoked my confidene as i felt moving back home was a step back rather than forward especially considering i moved out at 14 and it had been a while since i had lived at my mums and we really do not get along at all.
I know it is not the greatest but have you tried the council? When this happened to me i went to the council and they put me in a hostel until they could find me a flat. The problem i had was that i could not afford a deposit for a private rented property plus most of them wanted a guarantor. I really thought that moving to a hostel would be worse than being at home but it really was not as bad as people made it out to be plus it meant moving into a council flat much quicker.
If you make it clear to the council that your mum doesnt want you living there and there is not enough room they have to rehouse you meaning you will then be entitled to housing benefit once you move
You could also try housing assoiations? ASRA Housing and Homes Direct are quite good places to look depending on where you want to live
As for benefits I was told living with parents means you an not claim any but if you do not work, work 16 hours or less a week or you are in full time eduation you can at least claim income support or job seekers allowence as you are over the age of 18 and your parents no longer have a duty to support you. They do ask lots of questions about your parents income though. It would be definatley worth looking back into that.
I really do hope that things get sorted very soon for you :)
X
Have a look at http://www.entitledto.co.uk it's a benefit calculator, you may find that you should be getting more than £20 .
I wish you well, and good luck.
I'm so sorry you're going through all this.
I'm sorry your having problems at home and are unable to move out because you can not claim benefits. You need to contact the citizens Advice and even if they can't help you will give you the contact details of people who can and will. But please do not have a go at other people career paths as there's nothing wrong with working at Tesco or any other shop they are working and doing the best to pay the own way
thedevils-little-helper wrote:
I also need to somehow afford bus fare to get to apprenticeship interviews which is £3 per interview, and if I get an apprentceship I'll need £13 a week for a weekly bus ticket to get to wherever my placement ends up being. How am I meant to do all that on £10 a week? :'( (im also apparently not entitled to other benefits to help me with that, even jobseekers refused to help me) i just really dont want to be here, i'm considering just telling the council they've kicked me out and im homeless because honestly i think i'd rather be in a hostel like my brother was when she kicked him out at 16.
I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a crap time. I'd strongly recommend going to a citizens advice or other welfare rights agency to make sure that you're definitely not entitled to other benefits. If you're too ill to work (due to mental or physical issues) please consider claiming ESA. If it's just the benefits office that said you're not entitled DON'T TRUST WHAT THEY SAY (I've had friends who have been lied to about what they were entitled to) - always get a second opinion from a charity that deals with benefits etc. Check out this site: https://www.turn2us.org.uk and remember you can ask the council for a crisis grant if you have no money.
It is an option to declare yourself homeless, you don't need to be sleeping rough to be considered homeless and it clearly isn't safe for you to stay there.
Please talk to your GP or a helpline like breathing space if you're struggling to cope. You deserve better than this and there is help out there. I hope things get better for you soon.