Ya'll try reversing your line of thinking right now and imaging your partner had a sexual need and was seeking to have it fulfilled outside your realtionship norms as you have them set today? For some people an open or semi open relationship works, for others it is not ok. Only you and your partner can determine that.
I just know that if you do not feel fulfilled and you cannot even discuss this with your partner it will continue to cause a unspoken divide, unmet needs and possible resentment long term or worse. I personally do not associate anal play / butt plugs and the like when a man being gay, just a man enjoying anal stimulation. I think that needs to be the first part of your talk with your patner is about coming clean that you enjoy anal stimulation, it is perfectly normal and not related to your sexual identity or your love of your partner.
Don't pull out the huge dildo first, instead discussing anal stimulation during sex with them as a way to enhance your experience. I would start by something non intimidating like a butt plug first. you may want to find an article to help you explain or demonstrate this to them. Can you watching a video with them or share an article that explains pegging? I found this just by searching pegging on the lovehoney blog.
No I havenât. Personally I would never cheat on anyone Iâm with, never have or would, the guilt would kill me! But Iâve never been with a man, I think I am straight, just like the thought of being ass/face fucked by a dick. Preferably on a woman! I have thought about being with men, and only BJs and anal turn me on. Not kissing or anything like that, even getting a blowjob off a man doesnât really turn me on.
I am not judging what does or does not turn you on, I am only trying ot offer up some helpful suggestions on how to broach this topic with your partner / find sexual happiness.
I think youâre right, and have to at least try and ease her into it. Start small and work our way up. Then tell her about all my big toys and hope she wonât be so weirded out by it then. She can be very vanilla unfortunately, when I have a lot of kink in me and wild sexual fantasyâs it can be hard to bring up anything like this
Ya'll try reversing your line of thinking right now and imaging your partner had a sexual need and was seeking to have it fulfilled outside your realtionship norms as you have them set today? For some people an open or semi open relationship works, for others it is not ok. Only you and your partner can determine that.
I just know that if you do not feel fulfilled and you cannot even discuss this with your partner it will continue to cause a unspoken divide, unmet needs and possible resentment long term or worse. I personally do not associate anal play / butt plugs and the like when a man being gay, just a man enjoying anal stimulation. I think that needs to be the first part of your talk with your patner is about coming clean that you enjoy anal stimulation, it is perfectly normal and not related to your sexual identity or your love of your partner.
Don't pull out the huge dildo first, instead discussing anal stimulation during sex with them as a way to enhance your experience. I would start by something non intimidating like a butt plug first. you may want to find an article to help you explain or demonstrate this to them. Can you watching a video with them or share an article that explains pegging? I found this just by searching pegging on the lovehoney blog.
I'd love my OH to have sexual fantasies and desires outside our own immediate relationship. If she did I'd probably feel easier sharing mine. But she's pretty straight laced when it comes to sex I'd happily trade alternative desires with her.
Thanks for the link, there looks to be some great info there. I'll have a really good read of it later and maybe think about whether I dare forward it to my wife.
No I havenât. Personally I would never cheat on anyone Iâm with, never have or would, the guilt would kill me! But Iâve never been with a man, I think I am straight, just like the thought of being ass/face fucked by a dick. Preferably on a woman! I have thought about being with men, and only BJs and anal turn me on. Not kissing or anything like that, even getting a blowjob off a man doesnât really turn me on.
You see this is what makes me think I'm partly gay at least. I have already slept with men. I'm always what is known as bottom and never a top or versatile. I only want to receive. I do also love giving guys oral completely! I would happily sleep with a man again as I really enjoy it but not sure I would ever want to have a full time relationship with a man! I think I'd miss relationships with women too much.
Well I used to be pretty vanilla too... then I started using some pretty standard toys with my partner like a cock ring, bullet, etc... found more pleasure, had fun exploring, grew my range of play, etc.
Start slow, communicate openly as best you can (none of us are perfect!) and help your partner understand you want to experience more pleasure together. Best wishes to your both.
@michael777 just sounds like youâre bisexual, you have the best of both worlds! I think if I were single I would try sleeping with a guy, see if I like it, only want to be the bottom though, as I Iove being a submissive and taking it up the ass. But if you end up telling your wife let me know how it goes! May give me the courage to talk to mine if I havenât done it already!
@vanessa8 We do have a small collection of toys, a bullet vibrator gets used almost every time we have sex, we have a couple more vibrators that we sometimes use. And also a small jelly dildo and anal beads that never get used. I sometimes bring up using them if we were going to have sex later that day but she will never get them out and we end up just having sex. Which is great donât get me wrong, but sometimes I want to try different things and have more
Well I used to be pretty vanilla too... then I started using some pretty standard toys with my partner like a cock ring, bullet, etc... found more pleasure, had fun exploring, grew my range of play, etc.
Start slow, communicate openly as best you can (none of us are perfect!) and help your partner understand you want to experience more pleasure together. Best wishes to your both.
Thank you, that's really great advice. Maybe I'll surprise her at Christmas with some little starter toys and see where we go from there.
@BritishDJ
Yes I'll let you know. If I can get her interested in some toys for herself too then I'll definitely tell her I want to use toys too. Not sure I'd ever tell her about sleeping with other men though. But as said previously if she could graduate up to wearing a strap on I wouldn't need anything else!!
@Michael777 If I were you i wouldnât tell her you slept with other men. As she may class that as cheating and could ruin your marriage. But Iâm going to do the same, try and use more toys but start slow. The Cock rings with the vibrating anal plug I think would be a good way to start, as it stimulates her clit as well as you. And she doesnât really have to do anything to your ass but can see how much enjoyment you get out of it. Also a few links I think are a good idea to show her that plenty of straight men do enjoy it anal. If she likes it and doesnât mind the plugs then progress from there. But Iâm sure youâre thinking the same as me, âeasier said than doneâ.
@Michael777 If I were you i wouldnât tell her you slept with other men. As she may class that as cheating and could ruin your marriage. But Iâm going to do the same, try and use more toys but start slow. The Cock rings with the vibrating anal plug I think would be a good way to start, as it stimulates her clit as well as you. And she doesnât really have to do anything to your ass but can see how much enjoyment you get out of it. Also a few links I think are a good idea to show her that plenty of straight men do enjoy it anal. If she likes it and doesnât mind the plugs then progress from there. But Iâm sure youâre thinking the same as me, âeasier said than doneâ.
Ha yes, that's exactly what I. I'm thinking!
Good luck!
I also enjoy anal. For most guys it's the stigma around liking anal makes you gay, which in my view is a load of rubbish.
You say you enjoy the sensations of anal and pleasing a sexual partner. Doesn't sound gay when you phrase it like that...?
As already said, sexuality is a rather fluid scale - don't worry about it đ
Yes I think it's the stigma that has been my main issue. I've enjoyed anal play and sex long before it became 'okay' to talk about it. I guess it's the fact I've done it secretly for so long made me wonder if I was, in fact, hiding something from myself also.
Thanks for the reply.
I too enjoy anal play but would never entertain talking to my other half about my kinky desires. I have sexual fantasies about being used roughly from behind but I know Im not gay. I love females too damn much. Its definately a dilemma. one major issue is a lot of women in my opinion are quite prudish and do not like talking sex as openly as us men.
@feedtheneed01 completely agree with you there, my Oh doesnât really like talking about sex, wonât open up about her fantasyâs and says she doesnât have any (everyone has them surely!) in the end i thought that most women didnât like talking about it, but then I come on this forum and theyâre talking more than the guys! And the pages saying how the girls want to peg their guys arses and how it turns them on. And then there is us having the complete opposite dilemma having our women not being into it and hard to talk to about it!
@Michael777 have you ever done any anal stuff with your wife? I told my Oh years ago when we were both a bit drunk that I liked a bit of anal play (this was when I was a beginner) and started using small toys on me. But that happened no more the 10 times through 3 years and havenât done anything like that the last 2 years. She knows I like it but she just doesnât want to do anything about it, which is a shame. I try and make jokes about it but she always has the same response, âyou shouldnât like it, gay men like itâ. I always say back that itâs not gay, plenty of straight men enjoy it, that where the P spot is.. but nothing comes from it. Just need a proper talk if I want it to go anywhere and make her understand
@Michael777 have you ever done any anal stuff with your wife? I told my Oh years ago when we were both a bit drunk that I liked a bit of anal play (this was when I was a beginner) and started using small toys on me. But that happened no more the 10 times through 3 years and havenât done anything like that the last 2 years. She knows I like it but she just doesnât want to do anything about it, which is a shame. I try and make jokes about it but she always has the same response, âyou shouldnât like it, gay men like itâ. I always say back that itâs not gay, plenty of straight men enjoy it, that where the P spot is.. but nothing comes from it. Just need a proper talk if I want it to go anywhere and make her understand
I have had anal sex with my wife but that was around ten years ago when we first met and now she won't entertain any talk of doing it. I'm not too fussed in fairness as I would rather have vaginal sex with her anyway. She does have vibrators herself and I've in the past mentioned using them on myself but she'll just come out with comments like "things aren't supposed to go up your bum". This really gives me the no hope of progress feeling really!