Sorry to hear about your problem with your OH. I think theres a few other threads you might be able to get some info from, you're definately not alone: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/search/?q=low+libido&s=all
I think we're all built differently so there's going to be relationships where the sex-drives don't match and mine is no exception. I'm horny or very nearly horny most of the time and while my partner is also very sexual, my sex drive is higher.
For our relationship sex toys are an important part of keeping me satisfied without pressuring him. If I'm in the mood but my partner isn't I just have a play by myself. Sometimes my partner will join in by stroking my breasts and giving me kisses while I play so we still feel connected.
Other little things that keep me a very contented girl are:
- sitting on my OHs lap while he's at his desk and I either masturbate with my hand or his or I rub against his thigh.
- straddling my partner's back and rubbing against his tailbone while he lies face down (I've also straddled his neck and done this) ... it's very pleasurable for me and is aparently a lovely massage for him.
I think the most important thing though is communication. My partner and I have a great relationship where I can be a nympho sex-pest and he can say no, and noones feelings get hurt. We can make light of the situation because I know it's not me that he's rejecting and he knows that I won't mind if he refuses.
My OH and I are always open and honest about our needs and one thing that we never do is blame each other or call each other names. I think it's very unfair that your partner is being cruel about your physical needs, which you can't help anymore than he can help his! I can understand it being difficult not wanting as much sex as a partner but getting defensive and snappy is not helpful to anyone. I think your partner is possibly feeling immasculated and insecure to react the way he has when you try and talk to him. I just wonder if maybe some couples counselling would help, so you can have a third party to referee your discussions?
Hope this is vaguely helpful!