Hi everyone Ive been with my partner for a long time and we have a good sexlife but I need more. I love my partner and I show her I love her in so many ways. I go out of my way to make her feel sexy an wanted because I know its what I want. I always make doubble sure she finishes before me and I always shower in love and atention. But there is a big hole in our relationship, I long for the atention I show her. I actually go out of my way to make her feel wanted and sexy. The problem is my partner doesnt start things in fact she doesnt pleasure me at all. Its alway me who has to plese her. She seems very selfish and incompashonate. I long for her to touch me but it never happens. EVER. We have plenty of sex but its alway me who is pleasing. I just need some atention and I dont want to cheat. Ive told her and she knows about it but she never does anything. What do I need to do to get what I need?
Hi have you tried some sex games my husband and I have a dice game that's gives each player instructions to preform on their partner.
Hi there, I think a game could be a good idea. It may be that she is just very shy, and doesn't like making the first move. Perhaps she is so used to you doing everything, she just likes it that way. I think that talking about things, and introducing a game could be a good way of getting her to be more confident, as she will have to do things to you, and it may get you both to try new things too. This one has great reviews, and comes with a free gift and is on on offer at the moment too :) xx
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=662
Hi thanx for the idea its probably a good way to get her to come out of her shell. Dont get me wrong we have great sex but thats just not enough for me. I want her to show me some love. It gets me down at times because she doesnt even give me a kiss or anything. I just want to feel wanted and as though somone finds me sexy too. When I say she pays me no atention I mean nothing she doesnt even kiss me without me makeing the first move and at times it makes me feel bad as though she doesnt want me but we have a top row sex life and its weird
Have you spoken to her about wanting more affection from her?
Two thoughts come to mind:
First, is it possible that you are giving her all the affection she can take? Some people just aren't as affectionate as others, and if you're giving her affection all the time it could just be that she's all affectioned out. That or she feels like she doesn't need to do anything, because you do it anyway. It could be that she feels she doesn't have the chance to initiate, because you get in there first and then wear her out until next time when again, you get in there first.
Second, are you perhaps focusing too much on what you do and what she doesn't do and are not giving her credit for what she does? It's easy to get into a cycle of believing you do everything in the relationship, and even easier to hone in on specific things like, in this case, physical affection to back up your point that you're the only one who makes any effort. It can even develop into a cycle where you shower her with even more affection, not because you want to give her affection but rather because you want to prove your point to yourself that you do so much, while she does so little. Could it be that she doesn't show her affection in the same physical way you do? She could show affection in a huge variety of ways that you could be overlooking because you're focusing too much on the ways you want her to show affection. Cooking meals she knows you'll enjoy, picking up little treats for you when she goes shopping, carefully washing or folding your clothes, there's loads more subtle non physical ways people can show their affections.
She could also just be very comfortable within the relationship. With you showering her with so much love and affection and letting her know just how much you want and care for her, perhaps she doesn't feel like she needs to make the effort to keep you interested in her. The attention you're giving her could well be reinforcing her behaviour, since all the affection you show her will be rewarding her current behaviour so why would she change it. I'm not saying stop showing her so much love, but perhaps backing off it just a little could make her start to work for it again? I don't mean freeze her out or punish her, just don't be quite so giving.
I don't mean to make assumptions or be rude, but in your other thread you mention buying plus sized lingerie for your partner. Is she comfortable with her body? Weight aside, is she a shy person? She could be low on self confidence, which would certainly curb her desire to initiate or show physical affection. Even if she is confident in bed, she could still be lacking confidence in between those times.
Ultimately I guess you should be asking yourself what the real problem is here. Is she giving you less affection than she used to, or are you desiring more affection than you used to? Both would lead to the situation you've found yourself in now, but it's an important distinction to make. It would be useful to work that out and then sit down for a calm talk with her. Whether they're coming from her or you, there could well be deeper issues than a simple lack of physical affection.
You don't need to answer everything, I get that this is a long post. Just things to think about :)
Ive spoken to her about it lots of times but nothing changed. Maybe Lovebirds is right and she just isnt that type of person. I know she loves me but Id like her to show it sometimes and maybe I read to much into it at times
Thinking a little outside the box . Why not at weekend say your back is playing up a little and ask her to give you a massage to relieve it. If she agrees then go out together ( don't forget to keep complaining about your back though!) and pick up some massage oil and perhaps some nice candels as well.
If she is anything like my Mrs she will not want to get the oil on her clothes either so she will more likely remove some of her clothing before she starts. Now whats not to like about that .