in love

Off-Topic Chat
1

right im in a dilema im in love with an ex and she is in love with me all good well

i like it kinky ie lingerie and dressing up, plus strap on sex (she says gay) we wanna be to gether but she will not do any of it ever (her words) its wierd and gay (her words again). we r so in love what do i do. give up with my sexual fantasis and go with it or give up on her ????

help please

thank u xxxx

2

Hi doc1 firstly let me say if I didnt have an oh I would be looking you up,it is so sexy to use a strap on on a man and have made my oh wear my panties and skirts stockings etc on various occassions the fact that she refuses to entertain the idea means she really doesn't care that much for your sexual pleasures a relationship has to be about give and take if it is your turn on then she should try it at least once you really can't say you don't like something until you try it so if she really loves you she will at least try it if then she decides its not for her then I guess you will have to find other means to alleviate your true desires maybe alone with a toy or on a cam site is that what you want? wouldnt it be better to find a woman who you feel comfortable sexually with my thoughts are an ex is an ex for a reason !!

3

id say give it a go. you might have to find other ways that please both of you for now but if it lasts you might be able to help her change her mind on things.

i was very vanila and totoly opposed to things when i met my partner but over time he has changed that and im very glad he has.

however, i do understand that it must be dificult for you. dont know how i would do in a vanila relationship if i ever wasnt with my partner. but after all, sex and sexual fanticies arent the be all and end all in a relationship, although it is nice if you share the same prefrences and kinks

4

i have talked and she just says no to it.

but love is love

thank u 4 ur responce xxxxxxxxx much love

5

totally agree if this was a cause for the break up then it will rear its ugly head again in the future.

then again if it wasnt and you feel you can give up the fantasies by all means give it a go

I am in full agreement though that an ex is an ex for a reason.

6

I see everyones pro's and con's on this one but I just wonder if you'll come to resent the fact the she is adamant she will not even try any of your suggestions. You may well love each other but compremise has to come into it somewhere.

7

I think Dan Savage has treated this subject really well over a number of episodes of the savage love podcast. I'll try and remembed

I always think people tend to put too little stock in the importance of being sexually fulfilled. I mean, if you're going into a monogamous relationship you are essentially totally responsible for your partners orgasms. So if she won't do something you're not going to get it again. Possibly ever.

Would you be prepared to give that up to be with her? Should you have to? I guess you have to answer those questions. But I know from experience that not expressing oneself sexually can come out in other ways in the relationship......I don't think I'll ever get into another relationship where I can't fulfil my sexual desires better than I can on my own!

Hope that helps.

HJ

8

DOC1 wrote:

i have talked and she just says no to it.

but love is love

thank u 4 ur responce xxxxxxxxx much love

Personally, my response to this, is that if she just says no, and refuses to even consider things from your point of view, then it is it really love?

Like others have said, love and relationships are about compromise, give and take. If she is not willing to be flexible on this matter, is she going to be just as stubborn when it comes to non-sexual matters too?

And as much as relationships are not all about sex, I have found that not being completely satisfied can lead to being frustrated, arguments etc, which can put an extra strain on things.

Sorry if it sounds negative, but just offering my view point.

9

If her using a strap on is the most important thing to you and she wont well thats that, the question is how important is it to you? Would you end it and search for another who would let you wear lingerie and use a strap on? You could be a long time looking.