cam couple 83 wrote:
Hi Im new to forums and don't know how to start a new thread so putting this here sorry if it hijacks yr thread. I've a serious problem with my sex life that's going to end my marrage if I can't fix it. My partner has a very high sex drive and I can't keep up. His idea of a good day is to literally spend 4-5hrs having sex, have a break then get back to it. We have a room dedicated to sex full of toys swing etc and I do enjoy the time we have in there but after 5hrs I'm tired and can't keep up with him. I know I'm lucky to have someone who is so sexual in my life and shouldn't be complaining but in his mind my lack of interest is killing our relationship. I've tried councillors but he found that a waste of time and money. I've no friends I can talk to about it so putting it out to strangers for help. How can I up my libido and prove to him I want to be with him?
Similar to my comments above, I think your guys ib being a tad selfish. He is clearly not taking any notice of your needs or desires. I don't know if its intended that way but he comes accross to me as just wanting pure physical sex perhaps without any or much meaning which is obvious to me that your not wanting this as much .
If anything you need to slow him down a bit. Perhaps bring Romance back , and him wooing you into bed rather than just going through the process. Try slowing things down by going out on date nights with more cuddles and perhaps saucy chit chat. Then perhaps when you get back you my be more in the mood and enjoy sex more as its more meaningful.
Using lube certainty shouldn't be a threat to a man's ego . There's been many times when although I've felt really turned on and wanted sex that I've not been quite wet enough ...in my case probably due to my age and hormone disruption , but it's never been an issue . I simply reach over to the bedside table and grab some lube .
I think maybe he needs to realise that sometimes our bodies don't always respond in the way that's expected and he shouldn't take it personally .
BlueAceGirl, I think you're absolutely right about the pressure for women to perform, particularly with the introduction of hardcore pornography into our daily lives. I mean, when you think about the fact that most men in their 20s today have been watching internet porn since they were about 11 or 12, it's no wonder men have this warped idea of what it means to please a woman. There's very little education out there targeting men when it comes to satisfying a female partner and what there is available is often ignored my men because it's not catering to their perspective or wants (sort of what you were saying mysteron). Honestly, the number of times I've been with a male partner who treats my orgasm as some kind of personal victory for him rather than MY experience. Men are still treating women like sexual objects, only now that we've 'discovered' the female orgasm and arousal responses, men have been taught to take ownership of those as well, which is absolutely bizarre. I think you make a good point, JohnA, that women are often personally sensitive about the man's physical response as well, however, I would argue that it is partly due to a lack of education and sexual agency. Women are shown that we should just be sexually attractive to the point that men go crazy just by looking at us. That's what happens when so much emphasis is put on a person's looks rather than ideas, conversation or even actions! Of course, with toxic masculinity it is difficult for men to get beyond this 'you should be a conqueror' BS. It's all about a mindset chage which is the hardest shift of all.
Thanks for the great responses everyone. It's nice to have a chat about sexual agency!x
wildflower wrote:
Using lube certainty shouldn't be a threat to a man's ego .
This ^^
Until I discovered anal , I never used lube but now I have tons of the stuff ! Usually a staff box find.I have a bedside one that is a 'go to'. Lubricant is not just for sex toys and anal it can be a part of 'vanilla' time too.
Also, why don't we ever talk about women's sexual anxiety?
This is such a good point ! Working in this industry, as mentioned before adds pressure and I do feel this so much. I wish this was talked about more and awareness about emotions / hormones /stress, having such a reaction on our body . We could then pin point measures of help and what inderviduals and partners can do to help.
Lovehoney - Leanne wrote:
wildflower wrote:
Using lube certainty shouldn't be a threat to a man's ego .
This ^^
Until I discovered anal , I never used lube but now I have tons of the stuff ! Usually a staff box find.I have a bedside one that is a 'go to'. Lubricant is not just for sex toys and anal it can be a part of 'vanilla' time too.
Also, why don't we ever talk about women's sexual anxiety?
This is such a good point ! Working in this industry, as mentioned before adds pressure and I do feel this so much. I wish this was talked about more and awareness about emotions / hormones /stress, having such a reaction on our body . We could then pin point measures of help and what inderviduals and partners can do to help.
Absolutely! Not much research has actually gone into it compared to the male sexual anxiety (for obvious reasons). At a guess, it is assumed that women, being the less sexual half of the species (HAHA), would be less likely to buy a female equivalent to viagra. Ridiculous but a common misconception. I think there's a huge gap in the research particularly when it comes to young women. People really only seem to be talking more openly about menapause and the impact of a woman's age on her experience of sex now, so we'll probably be waiting quite a while for that to extend down the age ladder. We just need to open that dialogue this way I suppose.
Alicia4Ever wrote:
bex1213 wrote:
mamz wrote:
I'd let some time pass before talking about it again. I feel that he's feeling's been hurt because he doesn't understand that it's not about him and it's not a performance thing to "be able to make a woman yet" and he probably thinks that if he doesn't then you don't find him attractive anymore, or he is not a good lover, or you are not turned on by him anymore, etc. Let that pass and talk to him after a while so he's not into that mindset
Agreed. But I'm still on the educate-men-about-women's-bodies bandwagon.
Add to that education on how to treat a woman, and education on how to be a "man " not an animal. Even a lot of older men will not "listen" and are so detirmined to be "the man" and haven't got a clue what that is.
Young men are going seriously of the rails, and yes I think, if not know, that porn is behind this.
I couldn't agree more and that was the point I was making.
Some men treat their partners of sex objects rather than a person for which they are.Its a matcho thing in young men to "bag" so many girls in a week .
I think the reason why I was different was through my late father . he always said treat a woman like a new car. It ill need plenty of warming up first and care and attention later.
I have also got quite a few books which have also educated me into well what my Mrs thinks a fabulous lover . Her words not mine. Its probably why we are still happy after 25 years ( 20 years married) .
Some men need to do their reseach and yes porn doesn't help with being respectful towards women as often it also depicts them as sex objects geared for a mans pleasure. One of the reasons I am not keen on porn .Many are under the impression that press the first button the clothes come off and then another button for sex. Life isn't like that
Because Gay partners are often much rarer and difficult to find, I have always found these guys more caring towards their partner and do their homework which helps them to understand their partners needs .
Interesting what you say about gay men. I'd never really thought about their perspective on this. Do you think it's because the partners are rarer or that as a community they expect more from their sexual partners? Are women simply more accepting of ignorance generally?
We usually end up with several bottles of lube dotted around the bedroom by the time we've finished ! Neither of us have an issue with using it at all, we reach for it frequently...even though I'm always soaking wet. Its just nice to play around with it so to speak xx
bex1213 wrote:
Interesting what you say about gay men. I'd never really thought about their perspective on this. Do you think it's because the partners are rarer or that as a community they expect more from their sexual partners? Are women simply more accepting of ignorance generally?
I can only go off from what I have learned from a gay couple that we bump into occasionally at the pub we frequent.
Trying to find a Gay partner is much more difficult because of the fact there are far fewer of them. Obviously the internet has made things a bit easier in this regard , But they are like a treasured possesion and therefore take the time to ensure that there partners needs are fully met. I find them very caring and respectful and when they were touting me to join them in a 3 some they wanted to make sure that it wouldn't affect my existing relationship . I did politely decline the offer I hasten to add and i'll leave that bit there !
I think overall things will change better for the girls. As I see it now there are far more single guys out there chasing a fewer number of single girls . So girl power I think will come to the fore and the girls will have the abiltiy to pick and choose who they want to go out with . So really the guys need to shape up here and be more attentive towards the fairer sex otherwise they will be left on the shelf so to speak.