Is porn bad for you

Two recent experiences have caused me to re-evaluate my attitude to porn.

I was at my nephews 21st birthday party recently and when talking to his friends I was taken aback to hear their attitude to sex and women. I'm not that old (37) nor would I consider my self a prude but listening to these young men talking about "fucking bitches in the ass" I wondered was this influenced by their consumption of porn. This was more or less confirmed when I enquired. They were only too willing to show me their favourite porn clips on their phones.

I also had a conversation with a friend who told me he struggles to get aroused by his wife due to his porn consumption.

I know this probably makes me sound like a priest, but I just wanted to put it out there. I'm starting to think that porn is screwing up young peoples attitude to sex. As a dad to a young girl, that scares the shit out of me.

Ron Burgundy wrote:

I'm not that old (37) nor would I consider my self a prude but listening to these young men talking about "fucking bitches in the ass" I wondered was this influenced by their consumption of porn.

Only a tad older than you.

I think it has more to do with upbringing and the social environment in which the youngsters grow up outside of home, than with porn exposure as such. The same applies to shoot-em-up games.

It's all about the values they inherit, directly, but often also by osmosis.

I can only agree with your concerns from first hand experience.

I was in a marriage for 11 years which ultimately failed. When the sex disappeared I turned to porn and became obsessed. I was constantly downloading stuff and was never satisfied. It was a total addiction and took over personal and work time.

The more I watched, the more I became desensitized to real-world sex and relationships. It had a seriously bad effect on me which then impacted my relationship with my ex-wife and other sexual partners.

I sorted my addiction out some time ago, have a beautiful partner and kids and my libido is back full-swing. However, as a father I am also concerned about the effect porn will have on my kids. There is some horrific sexual spam that pops up on computers these days including a gaming site that my 8 year old boy uses, but there is so much porn on the net now it must be an impossibility to block.

I don't know what the future holds but I am certain freely accessed internet porn is here to stay. I guess it is our responsibility as parents to teach our children that pornstar sex and attitude is (usually) completely different to sex in the real-world and stop them becoming sexually numb as I became years ago.

I also agree with Repliquant, social environment and upbringing are also major influencers.

Maybe the solution is to send them to Katie Hopkin's school after her outburst on This Morning?!

I THINK A LOT OF THEIR BRAVADO AND AGGRESSIVE WAY OF TALKING ABOUT '' FUCKING BITCHES IN THE ASS'' ETC IS JUST YOUNG LAD GROUP MENTALITY .. LIKE PEACOCKS SHOWING THEIR FEATHERS , SHOWING OFF AND TRYING TO IMPRESS , ALBEIT MISGUIDEDLY . PLUSSSSSS ... some people are just asshats . eeep sorry for the caps !

rubysoho wrote:

I THINK A LOT OF THEIR BRAVADO AND AGGRESSIVE WAY OF TALKING ABOUT '' FUCKING BITCHES IN THE ASS'' ETC IS JUST YOUNG LAD GROUP MENTALITY .. LIKE PEACOCKS SHOWING THEIR FEATHERS , SHOWING OFF AND TRYING TO IMPRESS , ALBEIT MISGUIDEDLY . PLUSSSSSS ... some people are just asshats . eeep sorry for the caps !

Agreed! or should I say, AGREED! ;)

hahah im down in the dumps this week and so listless i simply could NOT be arsed to retype it :p

If porn is bad for you, i am in serious trouble xD.

Ruby email me hun xxx

will do later my lovely , just having a ten min respite befor kiddos tea then got a tattoo to do ... if i flake before i do illmail you in the morning xxx

I would guess (Or hope) that this "Fucking bitches in the ass" is all bravado in front of their mates. I do think kids are more exposed to sex and porn more often and earlier than the older generations were, and yes, influenced by it. I wouldn't say in quite the same way as shoot em up games, but when young kids have no other well of knowledge to draw from, they draw from porn and "Learn" sex through watching it. I think even older guys who watch it a lot are influenced by it, whether they think they are or not. I mean look at it:

Bald vaginas are now the in thing, whereas hairy ones are appreciated so little that it is now a fetish! (I actually had one mans reaction when I asked what he thinks of hairy vaginas "Urghh unhygenic/smelly and dirty!!) Men want to, and indeed try to last hours banging away in the bedroom. To the point of buying things like delay sprays and what not. Men feel that bigger is better and that their penis is too small quite often, and now there is multitudes of ways to "Increase" penis size. Women are signing up to have their labia chopped off because it doesnt "Look normal" to have longer labia and some men cruelly laugh or joke about them if they have large lips. I see an increase in people wanting to know about, or experience such things as face fucking, to make the girl gag, anal sex of course if a lot more spoken about and popular.

I have met with issues such as my ex, who thought sex was brilliant if he throw me about the bed trying at last 3 to 5 different positions banging me like crazy and lasting an hour, then asking me "Did I cum"...such a stud right? NO! My clit gets very little attantion during penetration and I can't orgasm through that alone, neither can about 70% of females.And another partner who started having problems with erections because he couldnt understand why he lost his erection sometimes, like during giving me oral or say if we were moving about the bed or getting lube and he went a bit soft, he thought there was something wrong, like he was sposed to remain like a rock throughout or he was broken. It effected him to the point that he struggled to even get one for months. I also notice men seem to focus heavily on penetration. In porn they give 2 minutes of pussy stroking or licking and get on with the banging. I wonder if this is why I notice men zone in onto the penetration as so highly important in real life? I see so many posts on how to last longer, how to go longer etc. Compared to the amount of posts asking "How do I touch a womans clitoris or give her good oral sex" the balance is highly highlighting the penetration part of sex.

I have also had a man quite frequently lose his erection if we were just having nice, gentle, loving sex. Laying in spoons while he penetrated me and I stroked my clit is just one example. He could only keep it up if the sex was ...porn like. It seemed everything else was not keeping his mind or horniness. I went without orgasms for a while. I need soft.

Yeh I think porn effects men. From what they deem to be a sexually attractive woman (No hair, under a size 12, no brown bum holes, get it bleached...Yes I heard this lol) to how they think women want to be sexed, to what they find a turn on. I mean isn't it like pavlovs dogs? If you train yourself over years to get aroused and orgasm over something unrealistic, then realism hits, it will kill your mood.

However, porn itself isnt bad, so long as people know real from fake and appreciate both for what they are...real and fake. I love a bit of porn but certainly dont expect my guy to be some completely smooth, oiled up, massived cocked, grunting sex machine. I don't want that lol I want a my hairy chested, shy but cute, sensitive lover

Sorry about the heading. I was trying to get a response. I think what consenting adults behind closed doors is their own business. I just think porn, music videos etc are giving young people false expectations when it comes to sex.

I'm trying my best not to sound like some loony social conservative.

Ron Burgundy wrote:

I just think porn, music videos etc are giving young people false expectations when it comes to sex.

So does religion, with lifelong consequences, often including mental damage. If porn is 18+, then religion should be 21+, at the very least.

There are also guys in therapy for "porn addiction"

I think porn may effect women, but in a different way. Putting pressures on them to look perfect, to vocalise and scream and shout and swear when getting penetrated otherwise he might ask what is wrong, is this not good? I see more women asking about anal and deep throating and such, which I guess means they either like the look of it and are wondering why they struggle to do what looks so easy in porn, or they have been asked to give it a try and failed to be the perfect porn star. I also notice lots of women (It is a high percentage) have faked or do fake orgasms, is this because they feel that letting their partner know that banging her for an hour didn't touch her clit, and she feels like "They cum in porn from sex alone" (Hint: Its fake)

Ohhh I could go on. I think for young, impressionable and unknowledgeable teens, porn has a big influence yes!

As we get older though, I think we all eventually meet that special someone who stops us and says "What are you doing, stop, slow down and try it this way" lol We develop.

I still say it is not bad though. Its just, they need to come to sites like this really and learn the truth!

Fluffbags, I wish I could type as fast as you. Your posts are always worth reading. I guess young impressionable kids find it hard to differentiate between real and fake when ofentimes porn is what informs their attitudes to sex

repliquant wrote:

Ron Burgundy wrote:

I just think porn, music videos etc are giving young people false expectations when it comes to sex.

So does religion, with lifelong consequences, often including mental damage. If porn is 18+, then religion should be 21+, at the very least.

I'm a former irish catholic (still irish, former catholic) don't get me started on relegion

As someone who grew up at the beginning of the home internet, I remember baud!

Is Kink.com more extreme than anything that existed then? Certainly more extreme than anything *I* saw, but a there was a hollywood film in 99 about a snuff film (8mm), so I cant imagine those looking for it didnt find it.

Boyish bluster about fucking bitches in the arse is nothing I've not heard from 15-35 year olds over well over half my life.

Ron Burgundy wrote:

Fluffbags, I wish I could type as fast as you. Your posts are always worth reading. I guess young impressionable kids find it hard to differentiate between real and fake when ofentimes porn is what informs their attitudes to sex

Yes, this is exactly what I think.

It isnt just young either. I met my current partner when he was 30, but most of his sexual knowledge came from porn. Some of the things I mention come from personal experience. Actually most of them do. Been together 3 years and it took him a year to relax and he couldnt quite understand that I was okay talking about it in depth and I have heard a few things from him since those early days:

1) Now he feels more relaxed about sex, doesn't expect to just have some kind of instant permanent erection whenever it is required

2) He didn't realise womens internal muscles contracted during an orgasm. He said that came as a bit of a surprise as he had never seen/felt it before. I hate to break bad news to him, but he is prob thinking it....were my exes faking? Maybe, but I was surprised he has never asked them or that they had never corrected him on technique they enjoyed and just...faked?

3) He now does not assume that because he "Only" lasted 10 minutes, that it was crap for me.

4) He still has problems located the clit, its much better but..poor guys, its not easy to locate the EXACT spot I wanna be touched on something smaller than a pea, so its okay lollll

5) He learnt that trying to give me oral sex for 20 minutes at breakneck speed with a stiff tongue WILL hurt his tongue every time, hurt me and put us both off oral!. He learned slow and steady wins the race. :D

Porn!! lol

Arse, ran out of time to edit.

First time I saw porn was at a friends house, someone had stolen a tape from their dads draw, lots of the same boyish boasts, "I'd well give it that bitch" ect.

I called the room ofg teenagers playing with themselfs puffs and went and chatted to actual real girls....

I also think BDSM porn also effects people looking at starting with BDSM. See, there is a lot more to BDSM than just the pain element, like denial, teasing, humiliation, tenderness, aftercare, learning the different feels of different implements and how hard to use them and where, safewords, softness, sensual, mindfucks....Ohh so much

But not all of that is "fun" to watch in porn or can be portrayed. So much of BDSM is emotional, feelings, sensations and trust and communication.

All that can be shown in BDSM porn really, for visual effect, is the hitting, the roughness, the forcing (Orgasms or penetration) etc.

So peeps move on into "trying" BDSM taking their lead from porn and miss out on all the other stuff, the deep stuff, the stuff that draws you back and keeps you wanting.

I think if a woman asked most "Vanilla" men...."Dominate me" his reaction would be to get rough, to pin down, to spank, IE: Porn BDSM.(At least, that was two of my exes reactions and at the time I knew something was missing, the roughness is well and good but I didn't feel myself submit, he didn't have my mind in that place, heck his mind wasnt in that place.)

I find a lot of BDSM porn uncomfortable to watch. Since joining this forum I would describe myself as vanilla but im gradually coming out of my shell. My first sex toy purchase was a huge dildo for my wife, because that's what I thought she wanted (porn again) she laughed when she saw it.