Hi for many years now having sex with my husband has been a thing to do to please him, however I have not been enjoying it. I have turned 50 recently and feel a new sex drive coming on. I tried masterbation the other day but didn’t reach any kind of orgasm. Can anyone help me with some suggestions please.
Hey there, Shazza68. I'm so sorry to hear things haven't been going your way for a while now. Masterbation is a great way to reslease some tension and I am an absolute advocate of the Lovehoney wand! It's perfect on your own for solo play and my husband also loves using it with me. I have both the larger original size and the USB mini verson- both are amazing in their own way and provide intense clitoral stimulation. This gets me to the finish line everytime! :-) I hope this helps x
Afternoon, did you just use your fingers when you masturbated? Any mental stimulation at the same time, for instance some porn to watch or erotic fiction to read/ listen to? Were you relaxed when you tried, not feeling too stressed? Sorry more questions than answers! A bit of self-exploration without orgasm will still help you get a better idea of what your body does and doesn’t respond to. What kind of stimulation have you enjoyed in the past?
Hi there, masturbation, like just about everything, can take some practice. First off I would forget about trying to orgasm to start with - it's not that you won't but as soon as you focus on that as the aim you put pressure on yourself which makes it difficult.
Being a virgin I had little to no idea how to start and only very basic knowledge of our anatomy so I actually researched how to masturbate.
The most important things I learnt were relax, whatever that is to you, a nice bath candles whatever but get relaxed. Then it is about finding out what feels good, certain areas you are more sensitive, certain ways to stimulate your clit (rubbing, circles, even pinching) and once you have found something that feels good enjoy that sensation for what it is, without pressure, explore different touches, hard, gentle, the lips, the clit. If there is anything your husband has done that you enjoy, start there.
In terms of toys it really depends what you enjoy, most people that are in possession of one enjoy clit stim so you could try a basic bullet vibrator but if you don't know what you enjoy it's an opportunity to experiment, take a look on here and get a variety of their basic range toys till you in now what works for you, them you can maybe upgrade or if you have an idea what kind of stimulation you enjoy we can always recommend something. Hope there is something helpful in there!
Hi Gosig Yes I did use gingers at first then moved onto a vibrator but I don’t think it is the best out there. I do put a lot of pressure on myself to enjoy it and I know this is not helping. I have to learn to switch off which is what I am finding difficult at the moment. Thanks for your suggestions.
Hi Mr & Mrs L Thank you for your reply when I brought the vibrator out I think my husband at first was a bit put off. But he knows it is for me to enjoy myself I tried using it without any gel and it didn’t go down well so now I have ordered some to try again.
Hi Amy Yes I certainly do need to start relaxing and stop putting so much pressure on myself. I have to explore more as I have forgotten myself what I like. I have just ordered some gel and a new vibrator to see if this helps with the situation. Thanks for your advice.
Intimacy is all about exploration, whether solo or with a partner. It’s great to hear you have a new drive coming along and you should listen to your body as to what it needs and wants. Sometimes just laying down and feeling yourself till something feels good is the best start. If your quite new to masturbation and toys I would strongly suggest starting with a bullet vibe or vibrator externally First. Internal penetration is great but for a beginner it can take a bit of experience to find what feels right for you. Try using a bit of lube or some spit to get yourself prepared and gently just use the vibe on your clitoris. My partner struggled a little with finding the right speed and intensity and I suggested she wore her underwear first as a kind of protective layer and slowly she found the right speed and rhythm. But good luck and great to hear you have a new found passion ☺️
Thanks for your advice there are a few things here I need to experiment with. Thank you
Please, be kind and patient to yourself. If you struggle to relax, try some "distraction" techniques: reading erotica while you masturbate or watching porn may help get your mind in the right mood and also may fuel your fantasies, and that's all you need to think about while masturbating. Not even in getting to orgasm.
As for toys if you masturbate using one finger it's likely that you enjoy pin.point stimulation. Have you considered using an air-pulse toy like the womanizers or satisfyers? the sensation they provide is incredibly gentle and powerful at the same time.
https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/brands/womanizer/
https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/brands/satisfyer/
For me it's far more pleasurable than vibration.