It's 2018, Any ideas for something new to start the new year with?

Sex Tips & Talk
1

Scenario:
Me = very high sex drive
Her = Can be fun, but mostly hot and cold. A little encouraging and she can be game for a few things.
But diabetes and a fairly hard job slows her enthusiasm.

So 99.9% of our sex life is down to me

Had some amazing fun playing truth or dare in 2017, on hols too, I came up with a shed load of things to do

Went to a local sex club, for giggles and to watch!
But club very empty as not main night, some sleazy men loitering put her off later on, not before we'd shagged on the heart shaped bed (doors closed)
I'd like to go back on a busier night, as I think watching couples shag would turn her on, but I can't push her...... wip!

Role playing just don't work for us as we feel silly, and bondage just doesn't float our boat

Went naturist 2017, had some fun, but been there done that

Shagging outside, in car, and no knickers stuff pretty much covered too, as is different parts of the house.

Had a brief play with anal, but I'm a big lad so not overly comfortable for her.

Little dabble with water sports, her being in charge, but again she not 100%

Wife swapping or 3 sum is definitely a no no, as is pain stuff

I fancy a spot of voyeur related play, but she is body conscious, despite looking amazing

So as you can see, we are game for most things, but I'm fast running out of ideas!

Apparently she doesn't have any fantasies so that's a dead end too

Any thoughts on something new we can try?

2

Have you considered taking it back down a notch? Rather than aiming for some hot fantasy idea (which can have mixed success) make sex more about intimacy and enjoying each other. Think lots of kissing, caressing and exploring each other’s bodies. Make sex less about the actual penetration and more about the foreplay and build up generally. Whilst it may not be adventurous as some of the things you have done, it may help encourage her if she is in more of a “cold” mood. If she has a hard day at work, having a bath/shower together is potentially going to be more appealing than going to a sex club or whatever.

You can still have a bit of variety by using different things each time. For example, the first time you do this you could have a bath/shower together, the next time maybe a massage. You could feed each other, play with temperature (ice, wax, warming lubes/massage oils, hot stones), feather ticklers or pinwheeels. And, of course, sometimes use sex toys.

Obviously, if she is in a “hot” mood, then do go back to the sex club (or try a different one). You could also consider going to a strip club together or watching porn. Have her insert Ben wa balls or a remote control egg vibrator (with you having the remote) and go out. If she is going to feel self conscious, go somewhere busy and loud.

3

kelly_michelle wrote:

Have you considered taking it back down a notch? Rather than aiming for some hot fantasy idea (which can have mixed success) make sex more about intimacy and enjoying each other. Think lots of kissing, caressing and exploring each other’s bodies. Make sex less about the actual penetration and more about the foreplay and build up generally. Whilst it may not be adventurous as some of the things you have done, it may help encourage her if she is in more of a “cold” mood. If she has a hard day at work, having a bath/shower together is potentially going to be more appealing than going to a sex club or whatever.

You can still have a bit of variety by using different things each time. For example, the first time you do this you could have a bath/shower together, the next time maybe a massage. You could feed each other, play with temperature (ice, wax, warming lubes/massage oils, hot stones), feather ticklers or pinwheeels. And, of course, sometimes use sex toys.

Obviously, if she is in a “hot” mood, then do go back to the sex club (or try a different one). You could also consider going to a strip club together or watching porn. Have her insert Ben wa balls or a remote control egg vibrator (with you having the remote) and go out. If she is going to feel self conscious, go somewhere busy and loud.

Yes! This ^ I totes agree!!

Too many of us go in search of new sexual kicks when really, at the end of the day, just 'normal, vanilla' sex can be mind-blowing - go back to basics! Sex shouldn't be just about 'getting off'... it should also be erotic and intimate and loving - all this fantasy sex stuff often makes us lose all that as we go in search of the next new kick.

You could maybe try asking yourself why you feel you need to do something new? Are you bored with your sex life? if so - why - what's missing? Ok, so you have a high sex drive and it sounds like her's isn't quite so high. Pretty much the same here but vice-versa - and I can end up putting too much pressure on Mr. Spider which he says is a bit of a turn off FFS man! lol It's not that I crave something different - I just need lots of sex, lots of comes. Hence my huge toy collection! He is aware of how much I masturbate, and often feels intimidated or even put down -but on the whole, finds it a big turn on. He thinks my high sex drive is because I'm in search of something new - something hotter than what we have. But I honestly don't need something new. I just need to come several times a day...and masturbation is the only way I'm gonna get that!

I'm not saying you should get into 'routine sex' always in the same position etc - but putting intimacy into your love life is as important as trying new stuff. Long slow screws are often so much better than fast and hot types of sex where you're soooo turned on because it's new. Maybe that's why she doesn't want new experiences... like I just said, new experiences can lead to fast and hot sex which doesn't last long, isn't intimate and becomes just a f*ck (excuse my foul mouth) So many women (and men actually) need love and closeness to enjoy sex fully especially when in a long-term committed relationship.

Create an intimate atmosphere, candles, soft music blah blah blah then talk to her....ask her what she wants from your love life..maybe you're putting too much pressure on her to try all this new, adventurous sex when all she wants's is for you to make love to her and no one else!

4

^ Great suggestions here.

5

Hi
Thanks for the replies so far

The back to basics is pretty much most of the time, and I agree you can't live your sex life at 100mph all the time.

I've pretty much got the t-shirt on mon to Fri love making, and put lots of effort into baths when she's had a hard day, usually with No sex at the end, as I know she is gonna be tired and needs to unwind.

The hot cold thing: Most of the time she's cold, and sex isn't a priority, but once she is in the mood with a little encouragement, she is open for trying things.

The reason for my post is more aimed towards getting ideas to do something different, but I'm talking something we can play with when the time is right?

I love women to be bits, your all princesses to me, and I think your all attractive in one way or another, and I usually find something attractive in pretty much every woman I see - personality being the biggest turn on (women are just brilliant lol)

It's not easy being a bloke, as my brain says sex sex sex, 24 hrs a day, hers says sex sex sex in Jan Jul and Nov lol - I know I have to get her brain aroused long before her body!

So my plight for new ideas would channel energy into presenting new content to her, invigorating interest.

In our early 50s so missionary on the bed, doesn't exactly get pulses racing.
We do like intimacy and she knows I worship her, and I make every effort to show her who she is in my world.

New ideas give energy to your sex life, and gets you out a rut, because things can get stagnant if you let it!

6

I'd say perhaps try more foreplay to really get her going. Personally, my sex drive can be rather low at times in terms of my body even if my mind wants it. I can't have sex without foreplay because it hurts haha

I'd suggest perhaps focus on her more at first. A lot of sex later in relationships is just that... sex. Intimacy is key and perhaps it's good to do the 'teenager' stuff again to spice things up and to build up the sexual tension. Slow neck kisses, arm kisses, making out, grinding against each other with clothes on and go from there. Lots and lots of foreplay as well! Then the sex.

But if you do want to spice things up even more, you did mention that you were too big anally but that doesn't mean that you can't do anal play at all. Perhaps buy a small butt plug and anal lube and put it in. Then have sex with the buttplug still inside.

If you are running out of ideas it may be because you're looking for the more complex things - it is good to go back to the basics and the simple! Perhaps use a blindfold on each other (you don't need to be tied up) and a tickler. Bringing toys to the bedroom can be pretty cool as well.

Anyway, wish you good luck :)

7

Hey again, MrGoodGuy

I hope you didn't take my last reply at a telling off...or as me being to critical!

Your situation sounds so similar to ours, but in reverse- I'm 52, he's 48 - he used to have a huge sex drive, but I went off sex (for almost 10 years, I honestly only wanted it once every 3 or 4 months!) after my brain injury then menopause - but now menopause is over my sex-drive has kicked in again and over-taken his! He calls me his sex-pest lol.

I understand her tiredness, (and your frustration with it) I suffer terrible fatigue, so have to have a couple of hours every afternoon - I do get up very early as a rule though - usually, before 6 am. You know, tiredness is a real passion-killer to be worn out, then your partner cuddling up behind you, saying you're gorgeous and he loves you whilst poking his hard-on into your back kills it all the more lol. There's no way around the tiredness, nice bath, candles etc all make us more relaxed and likely to sleep innit? Is there any way she could take an afternoon nap, or maybe a power kip after dinner? (while you do the dishes lol)

Do you have a good toy collection? Just selecting toys together can be a huge turn on...as can a surprise vibe arriving in the post! Discuss what kind of thing she likes...does she like penetration and G-spot vibes, or clit vibes? How big would she like to try...all that kind of thing to start with, then perhaps progress to harder type stuff like bondage.

When you know what kind of thing she fancys trying... buy it as a surprise gift, then (if she's up for this kind of stuff) get her to go and play with it alone, in the bath you'bve made for her or in bed - to learn how she likes to use it, then to show you. .. or even ring you up (you could just be downstairs - we have those phones where you can use the up-stairs unit to phone downstairs unit) whilst she is using it, get her to tell you what she's doing, what she is feeling and thinking Then maybe join her and watch her use it, or you use it on her. Toys are so good at getting you in the mood and warmed up for sex. Both of you -not just her. Vibes aimed at women are awesome used on penises too!

Having a high sex drive can be a curse...I understand that as my brain is saying sexsexsex24/7 too!! I dunno whats going on but poor Mr Spider only has to touch me and I'm turned on and raring to go! I had a high sex drive before the brain injury, but not like this! Poor bugger will be lying in bed trying to sleep and I'll start stroking his dick - only maybe an hour after we've already done it! His turn on is mainly porn...does she like that? If you have a TV in the bedroom...? or erotic fiction? Buy her a few books like Black lace (or the dreaded 50 Shades?)

The one thing I've learned from this situation is - don't pester! Don't keep talking about sex in the hope they will want it too... sneak up on um... grab um unawares lol. Be like the lion after the antelope! I'd step in the shower with him...if I could walk unaided (don't exactly do it for him - me with a couple of walking sticks or my Zimmer frame lol) lather him up... get the picture? help her in the bath... go wash her back, wash her hair... then offer to dry her and apply body lotion - then get the toys out! (notice a pattern here?) Have you tried getting her when she's asleep? When my sex drive was low, he would use his fingers on me... get me really turned on while I was sleeping - I loved that and it would guarantee him sex!

I do get it that by our age 'vanilla sex' doesn't always hit the spot - you need a bit more to get excited about. But unless you're both up for it, it doesn't work. Would you both be up for a swingers club maybe? Not join in if you're not that way inclined, but to watch and then maybe make love in front of others but not joining in with others? Or make a home porno? Swap sexy texts - surprise her with one - tell her what you're gonna do to her when you get home. Try blindfolding her, surprise her (and yourself) with your inventiveness...with hot and cold play...different textures, or feed her foods she loves...9 1/2 weeks fashion. use your imagination or look up idea's online.

I honestly also think, the more sex you have - the more you want (like chocolate hobnobs). Mr/ Spider blames my massive toy collection on my massive libido! So...take advantage of the sales here - there are some awesome bargains at the moment - when subscriptions are open again, join the Year of Orgasms... a surprise toy worth £40+ for only £20 a month - the surprise alone can be a turn on!

Anyway - time to go wake Mr Spider... postie has just been. xx

8

I agree with everything said here. Try to pleasure your lady without penetration on the menu. masturbation and maybe do it togther may get her libido higher.

Best of luck you will have fun together trying