My middle child - age 13 - was home with a friend this afternoon. I popped to the shop for custard creams and when I came back they made a speedy exit to the park.
When I went upstairs later my bedside table was partly open with a couple of satin bags hanging out. Not how I left it.
My collections of Mantric, Desire and 50 Shades toys are all in locked cases, but there are other things hanging around for convenience - always in bags, in drawers in my bedroom, but not locked away.
I'm not prudish and feel quite open about it all (OH maybe less so?) but any advice would be appreciated. I'm going to tell him - again - that our bedroom is private when their friends are round, but I'm not sure how to respond to the fact that they probably found my Tango Bullet and Rocks Off vibrator (maybe a glass dildo, in the same drawer in a bag, if they got that far). I don't want to embarrass my son as it is all normal and he's bound to be curious - do I just ignore this? Or ask if he has questions?
Hi Ms R. Oh dear I know how you feel with the invasion of your privacy. Teenagers will be teenagers. Although it may feel embarrassing ,it may be a good idea to at the meal table be very open and honest with said teenager what Mum and Dad do and is their private business. He may be shocked that you are so open and honest It may shock him into respecting your boundries. If it makes you feel better our daughter who was supposed to have been out for the weekend walked in on us in the living room to see me blindfolded gagged and bound. Worst still hubby giving me his love from behind. I still go cold thinking about it. X.
Oh I can only imagine the horror of realising all you private stuff might have been the source of entertainment for your teenager and his friend!
Personally I'd have it out with him. At 13 he's old to enough to understand the value of privacy and the fact that your bedroom is not a place to be taking his mates. I know what teenagers are like having had three kids myself and most of them fiercely value their own privacy and don't appreciate anyone poking around in their bedrooms so they need to respect yours too. I wouldn't just ignore it, he might think you don't mind or somehow haven't noticed!
And as Maturecpl has said it could be an opener for an honest conversation about sex things in general too :)
Oh no! I feel for you! I'm seemingly the odd one out but I'm not sure I would have it out with him.
My reason for thinking this is because 13 is such a hard age as it is without having the added awkwardness of them overthinking this and feeling like they are in trouble. The way I would go about it - and I'm not saying I'm right - would be to drop subtle hints into conversations. For example, everyone is entitled to privacy and deserves the respect of their bedroom and things in their bedroom being private. Whilst still trying to be firm in the fact it's not nice for someone to have their belongings rifled through. Or something along those lines if that makes sense?
I have two sons, although not 13, and I know my oldest would be so embarrassed if I had it out with him and I'd be worried he then wouldn't feel like he could come to me with questions.
Apologies if I'm way off the mark, but it's just another opinion. Good luck however you decide to tackle it!
I've just dropped it into kitchen conversation that I noticed my bedside drawer have been disturbed, and that it is all normal (but private) stuff between grown-ups and that he can ask me anything he likes. We've always brought them up to be open about sex and relationships, to the horror of wider family members.
I've also said that mum and dad's room is private so he shouldn't be taking friends in there.
I'm wondering what the friend's mum will say if she hears anything! Could go either way - a complaint or a new Lovehoney customer!
Sounds great. That's what my approach would have been.
my four year old came down waving a suction based toy around the the other day. I've never seen my husband jump so fast to grab it off him. He told our son it was a plunger for the bath 😂🙈
I would take 3 or 4 toys that they may have found, lay them out on the dining table and then ask him to come in. “So you were looking for these with your friend!?” What would you like to know?
So you will either get a look of embarrassed shyness, or a child 5hat will ask you blunt questions like what do you do with that and why. If it’s the latter go honest and blunt, proud, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Either way, follow with my stuff in my room is private. Don’t do it again!
Fair play to you MsR I am more than happy to talk open and honestly here but I am not sure I could stammer together a sentence if my kids found our toys. Sounds like you dealt with it well.
I've just dropped it into kitchen conversation that I noticed my bedside drawer have been disturbed, and that it is all normal (but private) stuff between grown-ups and that he can ask me anything he likes. We've always brought them up to be open about sex and relationships, to the horror of wider family members.
I've also said that mum and dad's room is private so he shouldn't be taking friends in there.
I'm wondering what the friend's mum will say if she hears anything! Could go either way - a complaint or a new Lovehoney customer!
Well done sweetie xx. I hope you feel so much better now because you have nothing to feel awkward about something beautiful and natural. He will also grow up to be a good caring young man. Xx
I'm sure it would have been quite the giggly conversation between him and his friend, but in this case I don't think a bit of embarrasment is a a bad thing. I'd certainly remind him of the privacy element of a parents bedroom, but in this case, the cats already out of the bag so to speak, so best to simply own the whole "yes, we use sex toys to enhance our sex lives" thing.
We may be parents, but we still have sexual wants and desires, using toys to help satisfy those wants and desires is not a bad thing, what would be worse is to actually not have those feelings.
We have simply asked out kids in the past "isn't it good that you mother and father still love each other enough to be physical?" if they walk in on us (they know now what a closed door means and haven't walked in in a few years thankfully).
As for the friends parents finding out, if it were me and my son was talking about what he found in his friends parents bedroom, after a swift kick to the backside for invading another parents privacy and potentially forcing an apology by him to them, I'd hardly give it another thought. Given our collection, I'd hardly be negatively judging them, thats for sure
I don't have kids, but I do have first-hand experience of being a 13yo boy...
The idea of using this as an opportunity for a "sex ed" discussion just seems absurdly embarrassing and slightly unfair for your son. If he does have questions about sex, presumably he already knows he can ask his parents when he's ready.
The only point which needs discussing is to do with privacy. If I was the parent in this scenario, I would simply say "I noticed you and your friend had been in our bedroom earlier. Please remember this is our private room, and respect our space." End of discussion, with minimal conflict or embarrassment.