Anyone out there going through a dry patch? How do I get the passion back? He won't use toys with me and ill bet iv tried everything else.His excuses change eevery time. When it does happen its fuckin amazing and we connect beautifully, but once a fortnight is ridiculous! Any advice/insights welcome.
From a fella's point of view, it could be stress / worries related.
Any new problems / work issues etc arising, He may not have spoken about yet but are playing on the brain.
Stress does kill my want for sex a lot.
I just don't know. His reasons vary from im being a bitch so he doesn't want to, to he doesn't think he pleases me enough, all others you could imagine. Its been like this for months he doesn't even kiss me anymore. I have said if he's unhappy he can leave with no dramas but he says im being stupid :/
Hmm,
Sounds like to me (and this is only my opinion), that you are correct that its excuses, but untill you guys "out" what the real issue is there and talk about it, things may not change.
Doesn't he have a problem with sex toys? When he told you he was scared and that he felt like sex toys were an insult to him and you went ahead and ordered a bunch anyway and now expect him to use them on you, I'm not surprised he's now saying he doesn't feel like he please you enough. To me as an outsider, it feels like you've been very pushy in that regard, so I'm not surprised he's now clammed up and is thinking he isn't good enough for you. It's very easy to feel replaced by sex toys, and since he had a problem with them to start with I'll bet that's going through his head right now.
Once a fortnight might not feel like enough for you, but it isn't actually that ridiculous. It sounds like you need to take the pressure off and focus on keeping the rest of your relationship positive rather than focus on sex and sex toys. If he's saying you're being a bitch and not wanting to engage in intimate contact like kissing, there's obviously something going on between you outside the bedroom that needs to resolved before you can work on resolving the sexual issues.
I'd say putting the toys away for a while and focusing on things like date nights and becoming closer as a couple could help your situation. Get your intimacy back then work on getting your sex life back on track. Take things at his pace for a little while, have it just you and him no 'add ons'. He sounds very low in confidence (at least sexually) so it's important to work on that. It would also be helpful to get to the root of the problem through talking, but calmly and without the expectation that the talk will lead to sex.
As I feared. I have begged him to be honest with me. But it never changes. I believe were at the end of the road as I can't wait for him to want me any longer. It isn't fair on either of us! I wonder if when people ask why we split if he'll tell the truth.."cos she wants sex" ...Pfffft im too exhausted from it all to care.
I haven't used the toys and this has been going on for months. The toys were an attempt to get our spice back.
Perhaps give them a massage ? I find it relaxed Mr and we connect even if we don't end up have sex o still get the strong connection I need :)
Is it just mismatched sedatives. This can be a very big issue in a relationship.
I really feel for you.
Oops typo sedatives.
And again bloody spell check sexdrives
I feel for you.I am a male in pretty much the same position as you but a fair bit older we have actually been married longer than you are old.For us this has been going on so long I can't remember it being any different she no longer even uses excuses it is just a plain NO, but I love my wife more than anything so accept it even though it still hurts being rejected.Sorry I am unable to offer you a solution other than keep trying and continue talking.I wish you the very best of luck and hope you can find either a compromise or a solution.