My bf is 16 years younger than I and recently we haven’t had much intimacy. There’s been a few stressful things happening and when I brought it up he told me he doesn’t feel that spark anymore and has lost his attraction to me. I’m devastated as we have a great relationship in other ways. We have a strong emotional bond to each other and are still very affectionate with one another too. We have had sex once in 7 months. This is not normal. Any advice how I get his desire for me back?
ETA we have been together almost 2 years now. We had such amazing sex when we met it was the best I’ve ever had.
First of all congrats on the last two years, I see your first two posts were about courting with this same guy, I assume :)
Anywho its hard to give guidance not knowing anything else about you guys or what your into, or if you have kids running about etc.
My goto thing (because it worked for us) is have Date Night, set a night for just you two, throw phones away, watch a film, tickle each other, eat at the table, talk. Dont make a big deal about sex because you dont want it to regimented, Flirty texts in the day before date night also builds anticipation for me too :)
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. You mentioned that you still have an affectionate relationship, is it the streeful situation you have had of late that could be affecting him physically? Have you actually asked him out right if he wants to continue in the relationship with you?
I think communication and making special time for just the two of you is essential, even if it's just a quite walk in a park together.
I sympathise with you being in this situation and hope things get sorted for you in the best possible way. X
Thank you for your replies. I should have given more of a background. I have grown up children and don’t want anymore, he has known this from the start but it’s not an issue as he does not want kids. He went through a devastating bereavement last year that has really knocked his mental health and he has been unsettled since. We had a long chat at the weekend and he told me he wants us to have a future together and that he doesn’t want anyone else. He has been taking me for granted a bit recently and has been leaning on me a bit too much. I have let myself go a bit since we met and have gained some weight and I’m now actively trying to lose it. He’s very fit physically and being active is important to him. He has told me that this has contributed to his reduced sexual attraction to me. Can it come back though if I do make more of an effort with my appearance and fitness? I’ve never been in this situation before and do not want to lose him. Part of me is like well stuff you, you can’t tell me what to do but also it is his right to feel what he feels. He can’t just switch it on if he’s not feeling the attraction. Sorry for long post!
@Celtic your post is very even handed and in your situation I think I would feel the same. It's easy to say "stuff you" if you aren't physically attracted to me, but if you have changed then I also see his point (although I think he was extremely tacless and a bit cruel). Sounds like you both need things from each other you aren't currently getting. Maybe that's the starting point. You need this from me, I need that from you. Good luck I hope it works out.
This is my opinon, but his comment about your weight is really shallow to me. If someone loves you and I mean REALLY loves you, they love you flaws and all.
I would voice this to him if his comment upset you and may tell him instead of critizing you and saying he's not attracted, then ask him to motivate you to make you feel good and have motivation to loose weight if he's that bothered about it. BUT always do it for YOU!
The weight thing is very shallow, but if you admit that you have let yourself go a bit, and who doesn`t when they`re settled? Why not join him in his fitness activities, make it a thing you both do, hopefully this will re-ignite your relationship?