The name is in the title. Sign here ;-)
Figured we might as well have a dedicated support group!
not a virgin any more, but i was up untill I was 19, so I can relate if anyone feels like they're "weird"
Sign me up, Cat Lady! :D Let's get this show on the road!
... Whatever "show" that might be... You know what I meant - hopefully. :P
*Whips out posh writing pen with a feather on* Signing up! Anybody got any near-miss stories on losing their virginity? Of course it would be great to hear stories on everyone's first time too, for comfort, support and tips :)
I've lost mine, but as HE asked for stories etc...when I first lost mine, it was little more than penis enters lady parts, then a bit more struggling, then find it again...then more struggling...a big thing I'd say is find somewhere comfy to do it! we really didn't, and both being virgins at the time neither really knew what we were doing (I hadn't fully masturbated before either) and we really struggled! But I went away, learned more about my body (practical experiments ;) ) and it improved. So tip #2, know your body, the mechanics and what you like first! Tip #3, don't rush, the first time you get hanky panky with them (love that saying!) needn't be all the way, that way you can learn each others bodies and gain trust. So tip #3, don't rush!
Cat Lady - I admire you for not being one of those people who makes it such a big deal they just get it over with whilst stupidly drunk with a stranger late teens/early twenties!
Fair play to you - I'm with you on not being more than slightly tipsy! (I'm one of those people who doesn't need a drink for people to think I'm drunk!)
*raises hand and smiles sheepishly*
No, I'm not bothered about it at all really. I've never been in a relationship and I'm not one to go around throwing myself at guys, and I would never sleep with someone just because everyone else was doing it just to 'lose it'. I'm paitiently waiting for a relationship with the right guy in which we both love and trust each other. Trust is the main issue for me though as I've been hurt so many times in the past by people who I thought were my closest friends. Not gonna lie but since then it's definitely damaged emotionally me when it comes to having relationships, including new friendships, and I've become very introvert in social situations which isn't exactly great when trying to meet someone. (sorry for the mini rant!)
My hands and toys have been keeping me happy for the latter half of my life though, haha.
It's not something I'm all that bothered about, either; I've never been eager to have sex for the sake of having sex because - and this is just in my opinion, I know some people can completely dissociate the physical and the emotional sides of sex - I couldn't really care less about the physical act; to me, it's the emotional closeness and the trust that having sex conveys - because you're making yourself really vulnerable to another person - that's the most important thing. Hence why I could only do it with someone I love and trust completely.
And I've had the same experience, SophieM. :( I've had people whom were close friends of mine break my trust and join others in being horrible to me, so trust and being vulnerable are things I have problems with.
I guess I have a question for everyone: what do you think of the social stigma that's placed on people still being virgins once they're over the legal age?
I have to say (so, basically, my mini rant isn't over) that I think it's entirely unfair - it should be no one's business what you decide or don't decide to do with your body; why is being unexperienced when it comes to sexual intercourse a "bad thing"?
I encountered this stigma a little at secondary school when it came to sex education, though it's really only in hindsight that I've realised this. For example, when we were first taught sex ed before secondary, it was the basics, the bare essentials - x goes into y; you get the gist. Though they never told us that it can be sore; discovering that in the fanfiction I read when I was a little older really scared me - because I was like, "Wait, they never told us it could hurt... They never said anything about pain at all - they told us it felt good! What is this?!" and I thought that if they had "lied" about that, then it must be really painful. I'm also aware that such writing and other erotic pieces aren't my best source of information. Anyway. Slight tangent aside, I was reading such fanfiction during my first years at secondary school, and I would've really, really liked more information on that at the time.
But the teachers were pretty much, "We're not so naïve as to think you're not sexually active, so we'll go over the basic stuff briefly - once. But we'll concentrate more on pracitising safe sex, STDs, etc." It was a very informative sex education that we had but I would've liked that to have been covered at some point, as it would've prevented me from freaking out when I was younger, and being a little scared about it still.
Is that an issue for the others here? Are you okay with penetrative toys? Though that's probably a question you're not comfortable with, sorry. >.< Does it hurt/did it ever hurt?
And then I guess there's also the stigma on people who haven't had sex and yet are adventurous, are aware of the kinks and fetishes they have/like, own toys, etc. As if, because you're a virgin, you have to stay virginal and you can't be interested in sexual exploration? What do you think of that? Have you encountered anything of the sort?
Anyway, I swear that's me done. My mini - or not so mini, as it turns out - rant is well and truly over; my apologies about the wall of text. I like having a little support group for us lot! :D
Candied Citrus wrote:
It's not something I'm all that bothered about, either; I've never been eager to have sex for the sake of having sex because - and this is just in my opinion, I know some people can completely dissociate the physical and the emotional sides of sex - I couldn't really care less about the physical act; to me, it's the emotional closeness and the trust that having sex conveys - because you're making yourself really vulnerable to another person - that's the most important thing. Hence why I could only do it with someone I love and trust completely.
You've hit the nail right on the head there! I just know that I could never have sex with someone if there wasn't any trust or emotional connection involved. Even though the physical aspect does excite me, the emotional aspect far outweights it.
And in answer to your questions. I can't remember ever being taught sex ed in high school, never mind primary school. Although, because I went to Jewish school's they probably didn't want it to be brought up to be honest. But strangely enough, when I was only a few years old, my mum bought this [mainly visual] book for me that was written specifically for children but was about the male and female bodies, reproduction, etc... So for me, I didn't really need sex ed in school as I was well-informed from a young age anyway.
But I think with t.v and social media far too much pressure is put on teens nowadays to lose their virginity as soon as they can really, and if you don't and still are over the age of, say 18, you can definitely be perceived as not being adult enough. There are lots of teenage boys that will lose their virginity sooner rather than later just to make them more popular around their mates (alpha male), I definitely think there's a lot more pressure on guys than girls. With girls, I think the younger you lose it / if you've had a few partner's the more you might be perceived as 'easy', but if you don't then you're 'frigid'. To be honest, you can't really win socially either way. And some people even stay virgin's until marriage for religious reasons.
Posted before I was finished! haha
I'm completely fine with penetrative toys. I didn't just take the plunge and use a dildo with a 5in circumference, I started with something smaller of about 3.5in then went a little bigger each time. There wasn't too much pain for me, just a bit of stinging / burning but nothing too uncomfortable, and there was only a teeny tiny bit of blood. I must say though, I'm so glad I broke it myself as I think I'd be far more nervous if I waited until I had sex for the first time. Parden the pun, but it takes a bit of the pressure off.
And like Cat Lady said, there is definitely a stigma about people owning toys before sex. As humans, we are sexual creatures anyway, and just because we're virgin's should not mean that we can't explore our sexuality on our own. I think that using toys solo help with exploring your own sexuality and may possibly help with being more comfortable when the time comes around. At least you know what you like and don't like, so it won't be a complete disaster.
I used penetrative toys before I was having proper penetrative sex, although x has ventured into y in a couple of failed attempts, and I must say I was hugely let down my a sales person in AS, as I ended up walking out with a rather large rabbit, ranging from 4.5 to nearly 6 inches as you work along the shaft, having been assured it was "normal size". It really isn't! It made using it really painful, as I wasn't aware about working yourself up to it etc...I just went for it, and it hurt! I now have a collection, on of my favourites being 3.5 inches, and although even this can sometimes feel tight, plenty of lube and relaxing does the trick :)
It's very interesting following this thread and reading through, as although I can't sign up, I spend alot of time talking about sex and related with my friends, a large number of which are still virgins (some have yet to have a first kiss) :)
Also, I whole heartedly agree with the emotional side of sex over solely physical :)
HappilyExperimenting wrote:
*Whips out posh writing pen with a feather on* Signing up! Anybody got any near-miss stories on losing their virginity? Of course it would be great to hear stories on everyone's first time too, for comfort, support and tips :)
first time was completely hopeless, my word that young lady had some patience (and not a little knowledge) lol
Sign me up! I'm new to the whole sex toy thing but i've decided to take the whole pleasure world into my own hands since the people around em at my age are either looking for girls 2-3 years younger or for a flimsy one-night stand x
Broadwayfan96 wrote:
Sign me up! I'm new to the whole sex toy thing but i've decided to take the whole pleasure world into my own hands since the people around em at my age are either looking for girls 2-3 years younger or for a flimsy one-night stand x
To be perfectly honest I'd been having sex for a few years before I tried my first sex toy- and gave myself my first orgasm! So in my opinion there is nothing wrong with doing it this way around, for whatever reason! I know everyone always says this, but sex really is so much better when you know your own body. I hope you have fun experimenting and good for you for not just settling!
I'm still a virgin at 27 and have had one relationship so far that lasted a short 7 months and not been one for going out a lot so maybe that has something to do with it.I do something get bothered by not having had sex because i feel like i should have at 27, it's not like i have avoided it but the situatiopn has just never come up. The thing that bothers me the most though is when i actually come to have sex with someone because as much as i know i feel like i don't want to come across as stupid or what not because of how i do.
Now i'm not sure if i'd want my first time to be with someone i'm close to or not? I understand that somepeople won't want sex just to have sex and i'm more inclined to agree with them but for me having sex a few times with someone i'm not close with might help in the long term as should i meet someone i want to be with then having sex/making love will be easier and more pleasurable having done it before.
As odd as it seems though i have agreed to a potential threesome (not quite set in stone though getting there) but it's not penatrive and invloves male/female couple so likely to be more a bi-threesome which i'm happy with as i'm a bit bi-curious and getting turned on sexually with guys though i'm not quite into them in any other way yet. Being not penatrive i think it could help me a bit
Candied Citrus wrote:
I guess I have a question for everyone: what do you think of the social stigma that's placed on people still being virgins once they're over the legal age?
Well, I can't really talk about how I would feel as I lost my virginity rather young, at 17. For me is early as I have never imagined it, but of course that in the country I was at the time, most of the girls were already experienced, but you know how it is in "hotter" countries, people go a little wild. But when I came back to uni in my home country, lots of girls were virgins.
However, and not being judging the other people's way of losing their virginity, I would rather be in my position, that I lost at 17 but I am still with the same boy and never had anyone else in my life as we love each other madly, than losing it with the same guy that had sex with the other half of the class girls-wise. Because if it is your lifestyle (male or female), just not having compromises and doing it with whoever you fancy, I think it's rather ok, but when you close your eyes just to believe a boy in a common drunkness that he will treat you well and be with you, when you know he has a different girl every week, and then you regret it, it's being quite blind. So I would rather be a virgin than lose it in those conditions! But I'm not judging if anyone did, I am just expressing my personal feelings.
Regarding the legal age, my boyfriend was 21 when we lost it. He didn't even admitted it to his friends as there is a social pressure for boys to lose it earlier, not that he was concerned but that way it doesn't become a conversation topic. I quite admire that. Boys that will stand until they feel they want to be with someone, instead of pulling some girl just to do the job. As girls, I think it's easier to remain virgin and not being made fun of, but in the end you should always do what you want when you feel comfortable with. At least is what I think. Social pressure in any subject is always wrong, and we all know that but so few try to stop it.
I was 23 when someone finally accepted my virginity, luckily, with someone I wanted to be with. It was Halloween and it is to me what Christmas is to most everyone else, so I was most fortunate that my gf at the time wanted to give me something special - her!
My current gf is 27, is still a virgin and wants me to be her first and I have every intention of making it at least as special for her as it was for me.
I am no longer a virgin but I have felt this social pressure when I was younger. I lost my virginity just 2 days before turning 20, and in many people's mind, it's "late".
I remember a conversation with friends when I was 17, we were talking about sex, boys, etc. and one of them said "hey, how about you! you're almost 18, you should do something about it!" I just said nothing because I knew it was not wrong, I had only had one boyfriend at that time and we didn't stay together very long so nothing happened. To my mind, there was nothing wrong with me but "how come you're almost 18 and still a virgin?" was not a really pleasant sentence to hear, especially from a friend...
When I was 19, on holidays with three friends (boys), I remember having another discussion about sex and one of them was literally shocked when I said I was a virgin. "Really? you must be kidding me! How come?" He was almost embarrassed for me, which made me feel a bit embarrassed as well, but we started talking about something else and I tried to forget about it...
I finally lost my virginity 2 days before turning 20. He was almost 23 and a virgin as well. I had always imagined that I would wait 2 or 3 months, that I would not let this happen before knowing him very well and being sure I could trust him... and finally, when it happened, we had only been together for two weeks! But everything went alright, I regret absolutely nothing, it was just "the right time with the right person".
I feel I got very lucky because we are still together today, 8 years later. We discovered sex together, we learned, we try stuff, we're happy. Being "late" is not a problem. Quality over quantity ;)
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*Proudly announces my presence*
Unlike most older virgins (about to turn 25 in Oct) I'm actually proud to admit i've neverh ad sex, infact, I've not even had my first kiss yet, Not held hands, not had a proper cuddle. Yes, partly because of health issues that meant in my teens i couldn't get out there and actively look for a boyfriend, but even if i could, i would have waited until i found what i have now, the most amazing boyfriend. (met online, currently long distance due to financial/health reasons but major progress, we are very close to our first visit *does super excited happy dance*) I have never felt more at home than i do with this guy, he's the only person in the whole world that i can be 100% my self with. I can tell him things i'm too ashamed, embarrased or scared to tell anyone else, from the day we first met i just felt comfortable with him, like i could let this man in, i can be who i truly am and i don't worry he'll judge. If he laughs at something i do i can laugh with him, i don't get humiliated like i would round others, i can put on a silly accent, pronounce something wrong, misunderstand something he says and make mistakes, and still be completely comfortable and just laugh at myself, where as with anyone else i've ever known, even my parents and sister, i'd probably cry and run away. I've never trusted so implicitly. I had one previous boyfriend, also long distance, who i loved, and thought i was in love with, we even got engaged, but i was just never comfortable. I thought it was the best things got for anyone, but even just a week after meeting my current partner (5 months after the end of my previous relationship, i was not looking for another, i was traumatised by the emotional and threatened sexual abuse from my ex) i felt the most intense love, and i just knew he was the one. I went from being genophobic and honestly believing i was Asexual (the first year with my ex sex was never mentioned, then the second year he just becasme all about sex, i couldn't say or do anything without his response being he wanted something sexual, i went along with it for the sake of not causing an arguement but he was always all about him, NEVEr just a cuddle or a backrub like i wanted), to discovering sexual desire, and rather than be affraid of sex, i honestly look forward to it, i'm not the slightest bit nervous, i know if there's any awkward moments of it not fitting, things making funny noises, pulling funny faces and the like, that we'll just laugh together and still be enjoying every minute of just being together and having that intimacy. I'm the luckist girl in the world, i found my prince and didn't have to kiss a single frog, and i get to give him every first experience, not just my first sexual one.
I lost mine at 18, which according to my friends is late, I actually lied and said I lost it at 14 which is so much more acceptable! I had an accident when I was very little and broke my hymen and my first was quite small so sex wasn't painful, but my OH is quite big and is still painful sometimes. Just the phrase "Virgin" annoys me, why is there a word to describe someone who hasn't had sex? There isn't a word to describe someone who hasn't had icecream!