Life crisis?

Off-Topic Chat
1

Just been watching Wild, Reese Whitherspoon, can't stop crying now, i feel like I'm having an early life crisis at the moment, left job, don't speak to family, care about nothing much, not looking for a job as i want badly to start my own business but i don't feel confident enough to do it as I'm on my own in my non native country. Just feel like i need to find what's really in me but not brave enough to, been adviced to seek professional help but haven't done it yet. Also single i can't get moral support from partner, i just want to wake up the next day and everything has been sorted out....

what do you do and/or who do you go to when you are feeling down?

2

Firstly Huge hugs.
How about seeing a business advisor maybe at the bank. See if your business ideas are financially viable.
Is there a market for what you want to do, would you need to move?
Make a list of pros & cons of starting the business against finding another job.
You do sound depressed so seeing a Dr may well be beneficial.
Don't overwhelm yourself with things to do. Concentrate on one thing at a time.
Do you have friends in Scotland , often being with others , bouncing ideas can be beneficial.
I find walking or swimming clears my mind. Helps me to think more clearly.
Good luck x

3

ScumptiousDumptious hit several nails on the head there, ShyAndChatty. If I were you, I'd try some of the following:

1) Talk to a doctor. Depression is subtle and not always noticeable, and talking to a professional can absolutely help. I speak from experience here.

2) Make friends. Do you have an interest that you can use to join a group? Even something as simple as board gaming can be a great way to meet people! I don't know where you are in Scotland, but there are great communities of people all over the place. Finding a partner is obviously trickier, but maybe look out for singles nights? Or just try the dating sites and see what you find.

3) Take a step forward with the work situation. If you can do something positive towards starting a business, do that one thing. Then when that is done, do another thing. Build momentum with small steps towards your goal.

From all your posts here, you seem absolutely lovely, and I hope you find your way through this dark valley to the brighter uplands that await you. I have masses of hugs and the very best of wishes for you, you truly wonderful person. x

4

ScumptiousDumptious wrote:

Firstly Huge hugs.
How about seeing a business advisor maybe at the bank. See if your business ideas are financially viable.
Is there a market for what you want to do, would you need to move?
Make a list of pros & cons of starting the business against finding another job.
You do sound depressed so seeing a Dr may well be beneficial.
Don't overwhelm yourself with things to do. Concentrate on one thing at a time.
Do you have friends in Scotland , often being with others , bouncing ideas can be beneficial.
I find walking or swimming clears my mind. Helps me to think more clearly.
Good luck x

Thank you i just feel like so all over the place that i don't know what to focus on first as they all seem to be number one priorities so i end up focusing on none really, yes i have good support from lots of people here I'm just confused as I'm not sure if i should really start my business in the area but many people say i should, however consulting business adviser would be the sensible move👌👌👌 oh I'm so hopeless i need a really good kick in the backside i think…………………

5

Glaswegian82 wrote:

ScumptiousDumptious hit several nails on the head there, ShyAndChatty. If I were you, I'd try some of the following:

1) Talk to a doctor. Depression is subtle and not always noticeable, and talking to a professional can absolutely help. I speak from experience here.

2) Make friends. Do you have an interest that you can use to join a group? Even something as simple as board gaming can be a great way to meet people! I don't know where you are in Scotland, but there are great communities of people all over the place. Finding a partner is obviously trickier, but maybe look out for singles nights? Or just try the dating sites and see what you find.

3) Take a step forward with the work situation. If you can do something positive towards starting a business, do that one thing. Then when that is done, do another thing. Build momentum with small steps towards your goal.

From all your posts here, you seem absolutely lovely, and I hope you find your way through this dark valley to the brighter uplands that await you. I have masses of hugs and the very best of wishes for you, you truly wonderful person. x

Oh thanks, i don't know why i find so difficult to go to a pro and say i need help, i just feel like i have so many issues (because i know what will be brought up) that i sort of find the excuse that there is not enough hours in the entire life to,resolve these issues

i find difficult to make friends in a way my entourage are more like my parents age as i don't seem to find here people around my age and I'm not comfortable with younger people even close to my age (omg i feel like I'm so old saying that 😖😖😖) and also I'm really interested into trying extreme sports like parachuting, bungee jumping these sorts of things but the people i know aren't, i need to find clubs but having to do it by myself just stops me which i know is ridiculous

i live in south west Scotland but quite far from everything, also the area is absolutely stunning, i chose to live away from the city as i get tired of Paris then where i was before near Edinburgh there were too many food businesses , however would have been more sensible to move here with someone but have been single all my life

will need to seriously focus on career side of life as once I've sorted that out i might find myself indestructible and ready to go out there, however saying that nothing will be done by the end of the week I'm pretty sure😩😩😩😩😩

dating sites scare me as i feel vulnerable and scared to be tricked by manipulative people, sorry if this sounds terrible

many thanks for support and your replies 👍

6

ShyAndChatty wrote:

Oh thanks, i don't know why i find so difficult to go to a pro and say i need help, i just feel like i have so many issues (because i know what will be brought up) that i sort of find the excuse that there is not enough hours in the entire life to,resolve these issues

i find difficult to make friends in a way my entourage are more like my parents age as i don't seem to find here people around my age and I'm not comfortable with younger people even close to my age (omg i feel like I'm so old saying that 😖😖😖) and also I'm really interested into trying extreme sports like parachuting, bungee jumping these sorts of things but the people i know aren't, i need to find clubs but having to do it by myself just stops me which i know is ridiculous

i live in south west Scotland but quite far from everything, also the area is absolutely stunning, i chose to live away from the city as i get tired of Paris then where i was before near Edinburgh there were too many food businesses , however would have been more sensible to move here with someone but have been single all my life

will need to seriously focus on career side of life as once I've sorted that out i might find myself indestructible and ready to go out there, however saying that nothing will be done by the end of the week I'm pretty sure😩😩😩😩😩

dating sites scare me as i feel vulnerable and scared to be tricked by manipulative people, sorry if this sounds terrible

many thanks for support and your replies 👍

It doesn't sound terrible at all - I get you completely. I've had my share of truly bad experiences on dating sites these past few months.

I know the vague area you live in, and it is stunning, but yeah, not fantastic for meeting people. Of course, not necessarily too hard to get to Glasgow either (the benefits of a small country), so there is scope for getting out and about in the city if you want to. I'm in a similar position, living out on the west coast, about 90 minutes travel from Glasgow. It's doable, but not easy.

I empathise massively with you, and I really, really hope you manage to make some movement on some of these things. xx

7

Focus on small steps / goals rather than shooting for the stars all in one go.

If you aren't in the right headspace now, I would strongly advise starting a business. Businesses can be stress creating monsters, especially when just starting out.

Are there existing businesses similar to what you want to srart up in your area that are looking for staff? If so, maybe try and work in the local market first, get a feel for how things are, this will then help you decide if you want to branch out on your own.

Agree with the advice above re seeing professional help. Long gone are the days where talking about "depression" is seen as a sign of weakness. There is a site here in NZ headlined by a former allblack who had his own battles, areyouok . org . nz. Maybe have a look through there, or maybe there is something similar in the UK?

Best of luck

8

Senator wrote:

Focus on small steps / goals rather than shooting for the stars all in one go.

If you aren't in the right headspace now, I would strongly advise starting a business. Businesses can be stress creating monsters, especially when just starting out.

Are there existing businesses similar to what you want to srart up in your area that are looking for staff? If so, maybe try and work in the local market first, get a feel for how things are, this will then help you decide if you want to branch out on your own.

Agree with the advice above re seeing professional help. Long gone are the days where talking about "depression" is seen as a sign of weakness. There is a site here in NZ headlined by a former allblack who had his own battles, areyouok . org . nz. Maybe have a look through there, or maybe there is something similar in the UK?

Best of luck

Thank you, yes focussing on one thing at a time seems the right thing to do however my mind doesn't seem able to cooperate on that one

also i seem to reach cracking point in working for somebody especially in the food businesses with OTT chefs who think that is normal to badly treat staff and thinking they rule the world 🙄🙄🙄 they are also not keen on letting other people bringing their personal ideas and creations, fair enough……

i don't associate depression and weakness together, i have no problem to admitt I'm not well and depressed. However I'm weak which seems to bring me to laziness (as a big loss of drive, motivation and life goals)

i will check the website you mentioned and see about the one in uk

many thanks

9

I'm in South West Scotland so I understand what you mean. It's a beautiful rural area but boy is it boring! I did try to live in a city twice but I felt so anxious I had to come back. I can only imagine how daunting it would be going the other way from a bustling city to emptiness.

I have suffered depression for most of my life, it's a tough thing to battle. It may just be mild but see your GP please sweetheart.

You've mentioned your love for extreme sports. You live in a great place for it. Especially if you're into biking! There are so many biking clubs as the trails are fantastic. I don't know which end you are at but there's also a place called Laggan Outdoors. It has a massive zip slide and other fun things.

As for your dream of your restaurant there is no reason you can't do it. With enough talent and drive you could succeed. You have a hook, you are French. A real French chef with French cuisine, that is a great thing. There are a few places that can offer business advice such as the business gateway. There are also incentives to become self employed such as no overheads other than rent of your space for a year. You could even try mobile catering. Your talents could even be used within catering colleges. The local job centre can also help.

Go one step at a time. I would say see your GP, join a club to match your interests and find out about help to owning your own business.

10

RosyCheek wrote:

I'm in South West Scotland so I understand what you mean. It's a beautiful rural area but boy is it boring! I did try to live in a city twice but I felt so anxious I had to come back. I can only imagine how daunting it would be going the other way from a bustling city to emptiness.

I have suffered depression for most of my life, it's a tough thing to battle. It may just be mild but see your GP please sweetheart.

You've mentioned your love for extreme sports. You live in a great place for it. Especially if you're into biking! There are so many biking clubs as the trails are fantastic. I don't know which end you are at but there's also a place called Laggan Outdoors. It has a massive zip slide and other fun things.

As for your dream of your restaurant there is no reason you can't do it. With enough talent and drive you could succeed. You have a hook, you are French. A real French chef with French cuisine, that is a great thing. There are a few places that can offer business advice such as the business gateway. There are also incentives to become self employed such as no overheads other than rent of your space for a year. You could even try mobile catering. Your talents could even be used within catering colleges. The local job centre can also help.

Go one step at a time. I would say see your GP, join a club to match your interests and find out about help to owning your own business.

Thanks for your reply, yes i really need to meet some business advisors and really think through this plan i have in my head and neatly write it down A to Z and trying to stay sensible

i can't believe you mentioned Laggan, THE longest european zip wire!!! (I am so worried people who might know me can be on the forums 🙈🙈🙈 so i don't want to say where i live), I'm not a trained chef but that doesn't bother me (for once something doesn't bother me 👌👌👌) and I'm quite happy with what i can produce and offer food wise all i have to do is practice again and again and i always can treat myself to fancy cooking courses if needed

i really need to join some club but it's always easier to say next week………………

i don't know why I'm looking for this adrenaline and bungee jumping and all that as in every day life mostly everything scares me 😔😔😔

anyway many thanks south west Scotland girl 😉

11

Meditation and reiki. Helps me see clearly.

That is a good film though, great acting by her again, I really like how its edited. The flashbacks of her and her ex during sex a vast contrast to where she is/what she is doing now. Really makes you think. 

🐼

12

It's alright, I don't say exactly where I live just in case either 😉

Have you always been an adrenaline seeker or is this new? I have an unusual symptom/side effect since my depression got worse. I have a controllable urge to jump out of windows, off bridges etc. I know not to but I crave the falling feeling.

How are you feeling today? Do you feel better after sleep?

13

ShyAndChatty wrote:

Just been watching Wild, Reese Whitherspoon, can't stop crying now, i feel like I'm having an early life crisis at the moment, left job, don't speak to family, care about nothing much, not looking for a job as i want badly to start my own business but i don't feel confident enough to do it as I'm on my own in my non native country. Just feel like i need to find what's really in me but not brave enough to, been adviced to seek professional help but haven't done it yet. Also single i can't get moral support from partner, i just want to wake up the next day and everything has been sorted out....

what do you do and/or who do you go to when you are feeling down?

I know exactly how you feel. I find when looking at my list of "to-dos" I just can't face it all and tackle it. When I'm feeling low and rock bottom, I take myself and my dog for a long walk. Failing that, I get out on my bike for quite a trek. I also find that writing things down helps (like a diary), and listening to music or practising. I'm regards to your business: just tiny baby steps. I find that if I do even just a tiny something for my work I feel better than if I do totally nothing at all. Remember: give time for you!
14

RosyCheek wrote:

It's alright, I don't say exactly where I live just in case either 😉

Have you always been an adrenaline seeker or is this new? I have an unusual symptom/side effect since my depression got worse. I have a controllable urge to jump out of windows, off bridges etc. I know not to but I crave the falling feeling.

How are you feeling today? Do you feel better after sleep?

Hi thx for getting back to me 😀Couldn't sleep last night Oh i always feel the same all the time at the moment, no i have always been an adreline seeker but not done much yet, i think i understand this urge to jump out of windows or others and im glad you are control over it. I am just trying for the first time ever online dating as many have suggested in forums, i don't know how i feel 😳😳😳. Do you do any extreme sports then that could satisfy safely this falling feeling then?

15

latex_lover wrote:

ShyAndChatty wrote:

Just been watching Wild, Reese Whitherspoon, can't stop crying now, i feel like I'm having an early life crisis at the moment, left job, don't speak to family, care about nothing much, not looking for a job as i want badly to start my own business but i don't feel confident enough to do it as I'm on my own in my non native country. Just feel like i need to find what's really in me but not brave enough to, been adviced to seek professional help but haven't done it yet. Also single i can't get moral support from partner, i just want to wake up the next day and everything has been sorted out....

what do you do and/or who do you go to when you are feeling down?

I know exactly how you feel. I find when looking at my list of "to-dos" I just can't face it all and tackle it. When I'm feeling low and rock bottom, I take myself and my dog for a long walk. Failing that, I get out on my bike for quite a trek. I also find that writing things down helps (like a diary), and listening to music or practising. I'm regards to your business: just tiny baby steps. I find that if I do even just a tiny something for my work I feel better than if I do totally nothing at all. Remember: give time for you!

Hi, i really need to do pro/con lists in what i really need in life and professional aspect, baking and cooking when im off work are a big nono ATM yes i need to focus baby steps as i get overwhelmed about anything too quickly too soon 😔😔😔, well i have my french jazz radios then....

jazzy hands……………🤗🤗🤗

16

ShyandChatty - some really helpful advice from people on here especially those in Scotland.

Just a couple of other suggestions-

Have you joined your local library? - they have computers with internet access plus they are a great place to get information about your local resources. - support groups and interest groups and so on.

Most parts of the UK have Business Links which can help and advise about setting up your own business, they can help with business plans and grants that may be available. They might even be able to help you link up and get a business mentor.

Online can also be helpful ie reputable organisations can link you to life coaches.

Hope things get sorted for you

17

Lyndav71 wrote:

ShyandChatty - some really helpful advice from people on here especially those in Scotland.

Just a couple of other suggestions-

Have you joined your local library? - they have computers with internet access plus they are a great place to get information about your local resources. - support groups and interest groups and so on.

Most parts of the UK have Business Links which can help and advise about setting up your own business, they can help with business plans and grants that may be available. They might even be able to help you link up and get a business mentor.

Online can also be helpful ie reputable organisations can link you to life coaches.

Hope things get sorted for you

Thank you, i feel really grateful to everyone who has been responding here

I really need to do all the things that's been said here, i just have to kick my ass now……………

18

Not much more I can say as everyone on her have already given you such great advise. Just take each day as it comes, write a list of things that are most important you want to do and how they are achievable and don't let anything come in the way of achieving your goals. It's a long road ahead so take some steady steps on your trip, you will get there in the end. Depression is a horrible illness as can consume you if not tackled so please see your GP, it's nothing to be ashamed of as so many people have it, I have suffered severely with it in the past and luckily have managed to come out the other side and am a much stronger person for it now, but there will still be bad days which you will learn to cope with. I hope you can get through this and I am sure you will reach your goals and be successful. We are all here to help x x 😙

19

ShyAndChatty wrote:

latex_lover wrote:

ShyAndChatty wrote:

Just been watching Wild, Reese Whitherspoon, can't stop crying now, i feel like I'm having an early life crisis at the moment, left job, don't speak to family, care about nothing much, not looking for a job as i want badly to start my own business but i don't feel confident enough to do it as I'm on my own in my non native country. Just feel like i need to find what's really in me but not brave enough to, been adviced to seek professional help but haven't done it yet. Also single i can't get moral support from partner, i just want to wake up the next day and everything has been sorted out....

what do you do and/or who do you go to when you are feeling down?

I know exactly how you feel. I find when looking at my list of "to-dos" I just can't face it all and tackle it. When I'm feeling low and rock bottom, I take myself and my dog for a long walk. Failing that, I get out on my bike for quite a trek. I also find that writing things down helps (like a diary), and listening to music or practising. I'm regards to your business: just tiny baby steps. I find that if I do even just a tiny something for my work I feel better than if I do totally nothing at all. Remember: give time for you!

Hi, i really need to do pro/con lists in what i really need in life and professional aspect, baking and cooking when im off work are a big nono ATM yes i need to focus baby steps as i get overwhelmed about anything too quickly too soon 😔😔😔, well i have my french jazz radios then....

jazzy hands……………🤗🤗🤗

Jazzy hands indeed! If listening to the radio and jazz helps, then go and "get lost" in it all. Can I just say - it's not always just about giving yourself a "kick up the ass". It's not as simple as that. Some days, if you can get up, shower, dress and make yourself a cup of tea, then that's am achievement. Things will come in time. Don't be hard on yourself! JAZZ HANDS!
20

You could also try your local Chamber of Commerce , in regards to your business start-up, thy usually have monthly, day long, free, start your own business courses that might help you sourse additional funding steams as well as great advice.

All go stuff mentioned on health aspects to your OP