Hey everyone - I've been a member here for a while, but I suppose I mostly lurk on the forums. Been having a lot of ups and downs in my life and haven't really felt like participating much. Anyway, now onto why I made this thread..
I've been diagnosed with a rare form of bone cancer quite recently. There is a large tumour growing around my kneecap and in the bottom of my thigh bone. I'm going to be having quite major limb-sparing surgery in the next two to three weeks to have the tumour removed and my knee replaced, so will be part cyborg from now on, lol. I might have to have some chemo afterwards too, but I won't know for definite until after the surgery.
The risk of infection with the operation I'm having is very high and for some people the prothesis put in to replace their knee just doesn't take properly and the operation has to be redone. If it has to be redone more than twice or if it gets too badly infected then that could mean that my leg will have to be amputated, which I'm very scared about. Not to mention all the other risks that come with the surgery.
I'm not trying to be pessimistic about things, just trying to be realistic and acknowledge that it is a possibility. I was wondering if anyone here on the forums has ever had a limb amputated and what kind of impact it has had on your life and your sex life? My partner has already assured me that it won't make any difference to them, that they will still love me and find me attractive and I do believe them, but I know it'll make a difference to me. I already have such low self confidence as it is, I'm pretty sure that whatever little I do have will be annihilated if that happens. So yeah any advice or experiences anyone has would be much appreciated. x
I too don't think I can add anything since I have not experienced this however I just wanted to say what an amazing strength it takes to be going through this and I hope it is a positive outcome.
I know you say you have low self confidence, so believe your OH when he says it won't make a difference to him and try to remember you're beautiful. The mind is probably your most powerful tool to the way you feel
sorry to hear ur bad news hopefully the op will be a total sucsess and you will be fine.iv got a mate who had a false leg put on at the knee and hes never said anything apart from the suport that his oh has given him so if your oh says he will still be there for you u must mean the world to him.good luck
I'm so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I work in the medical field and as such have had a lot of contact not only with amputees, but also with their families. I have seen first hand how they all coped with their diagnosis, surgery and rehabilitation.
I agree with LittleKitty and WandA when they reiterate your partner's words that it won't make a difference to him. He fell in love with YOU and not just your physical body. You have already uncovered your real issue within this situation by stating "but I know it'll make a difference to me. I already have such low self confidence as it is, I'm pretty sure that whatever little I do have will be annihilated if that happens." This is something that you need to work on, now, before going in for the surgery. I would advise seeing a counsellor or a psychologist, not because I think there is something mentally wrong with you, but because you need someone who is properly trained in helping you deal with all your fears and can help you understand this mass of emotions that must be building up inside yourself. And, as you can see from this forum, it is often best to have a non-judgemental person to speak to as a sounding board. Your family gives you the love and emotional support, while the counsellor/psychologist can help with building up your emotional and mental strengths to help you get through this difficult time.
And regarding your sex life... 99% of a sex life is in the mind. So if you can accept yourself and love yourself, even if you have a limb less than you started life with, it wont affect your sex life in any way.
Just remember to be gentle with yourself. You are a human being and its okay to feel all the emotions that go with this diagnosis including the anger, why-me's, fear, etc. Speak to your doctor about your fears - be honest about them (it helps to write down a list of questions to take with you when you see them) - and I'm sure that they can help you better understand the process you will be going through more fully.
And so, to end off, just remember to take a deep breath and take it one step at a time. It sounds like you have a very supportive partner, so there is no need for you to have to walk this path alone. And you can always contact me should you have any further questions (sub-angel@live.co.uk).
What you just said is really close to my heart. I have cancer. I've had it for the past three years. I've been in remission twice but now back on chemo and radio therapy. I also have a heart condition that makes me really ill, breathless and have fits.
Firstly, whatever your operation will bring your OH will love you no matter what. Think if it was the other way round, I am sure you would stick by him. He loves you and everything about you. And losing part of your leg won't make a difference.
You will probably do what I do, and take some stuff out on him. You will certainly take it out on yourself. You can read one of my other threads about this, but end of day I still know my OH loves me. So will yours.
My cancer has left me with a colostomy bag. This was an awful thing to be told I had to have. Being honest, before I got cancer I worked as an Escort and to have this a bag completely changed my life. I then met Superfurry and he fell in love with me. He understands sometimes I can't have sex because I am ill, or that sometimes I have to stop during as he's pleasuring me so much, my heart plays up lol. Part of you will always hate whats happened to you and make you insecure but you will have your life and what people see on the outside will demonstrate what a bloody fighter you are. Treat yourself, clothes, make up and make yourself feel good and sexy. Some days you will, some days you won't your still be alive.
One of my ex partners had a missing leg. He lost it in Iraq when fighting. We went out for a couple of months and was really more shag buddies. The fact I say that meant it never effected him. Sex was still great and yes we did try alot of things, sometimes had to do something slightly different, but we ALL do that anyway in a relationship to please each other. He's still a really good mate of mine and losing his leg hasn't stopped him do anything, hes got a great job, a lovely gf now and they also have a baby.
So, get ready for the battle, your gonna make it, and your be suprised how strong and sexy you come out after.
I can't add much either, but do try to keep optimistic, as hard as it can be. When I had my back operated on, there was a risk of paralysis, but fortunately, I was lucky. I sincerely hope that you are too.
Firstly everyone thank you for all your replies - it's lovely to have support from everyone, even if it is just to say you hope everything goes well! :) So again thank you, it means a lot! And *hugs* back to everyone!
@ Sub-Angel - I agree with you 100% it would be so helpful for me to see a counsellor about all of this and my self esteem issues. I've had ongoing issues with depression and anxiety for the last 7 years during which time I've seen therapists on and off, but we'd never really got to the roots of anything as I seemed to get lost in the system. It's something I am trying to look into before the surgery, even just speaking to someone over the phone, but that seems daunting at the moment. It's been just under 3 weeks since I found all of this out, so I don't even know what I'd say to them, I'd probably just cry. :/
@ LittleMiss - Wow, I can't even imagine how things must be for you. You must be a real fighter! I hope I can be as strong as you. I've had a little read at a few of your other threads, it must be so difficult being in a LDR with everything happening to you. I've noticed myself being more snappy with my partner since this has happened, but luckily we live together, so we're face to face and he can see I don't mean it and that I'm just stressed out. I hope your OH knows that you are just stressed too, all of the nice things suggested in the other thread could definitely help him to realise if he doesn't already know. Thank you for everything you've said, makes me feel hopeful. I'm going to prepare for battle, dig out some war paint, raaawr!!
Wow, this thread is quite inspirational. I really hope things work out for the best it can be.. and by that I mean just for you to get through it all and become a better person- mentally and emotionally too. I'm glad you're still so strong LMUK. You both sound like very strong and capable people. It shows a lot when you're able to talk about how you feel like that.
Glad you got the war paint ready! This isn't Orgasm Army for nothing! We're here if you need to talk. *hugs* =]
Firstly everyone thank you for all your replies - it's lovely to have support from everyone, even if it is just to say you hope everything goes well! :) So again thank you, it means a lot! And *hugs* back to everyone!
@ Sub-Angel - I agree with you 100% it would be so helpful for me to see a counsellor about all of this and my self esteem issues. I've had ongoing issues with depression and anxiety for the last 7 years during which time I've seen therapists on and off, but we'd never really got to the roots of anything as I seemed to get lost in the system. It's something I am trying to look into before the surgery, even just speaking to someone over the phone, but that seems daunting at the moment. It's been just under 3 weeks since I found all of this out, so I don't even know what I'd say to them, I'd probably just cry. :/
@ LittleMiss - Wow, I can't even imagine how things must be for you. You must be a real fighter! I hope I can be as strong as you. I've had a little read at a few of your other threads, it must be so difficult being in a LDR with everything happening to you. I've noticed myself being more snappy with my partner since this has happened, but luckily we live together, so we're face to face and he can see I don't mean it and that I'm just stressed out. I hope your OH knows that you are just stressed too, all of the nice things suggested in the other thread could definitely help him to realise if he doesn't already know. Thank you for everything you've said, makes me feel hopeful. I'm going to prepare for battle, dig out some war paint, raaawr!!
You will be so strong honestly. Fact your scared shows your ready for it. Its normal and you will be aceeeee
No personal experiance but a mate of mine had his leg amputated ages ago (like when he was 20 and is now 40) and has, and still does have, a very active life making it into the GB disabled ski team. He jokes about it a lot and he is perfectly happy about it. And morden prosthetic limbs are very very good now.
Much like WandA I cant give any personal experience - but all my best wishes for the operation and recovery afterwards.
Hopefully the only issue might be that you have better grip on one side than the other... I'm sure you can find creative ways to overcome that... prehaps do it in stockings more often if that kink works for you?
As has been said, I can't really add anything as I've no experience but I will say - I know how much positive thinking can help. Try not to worry about it until you know for sure, but take comfort in your partner's love for you and know that a lot of positive thinking and support can go along way. If the worst does happen - it shouldn't hold you back with a little work and a lot of support you'll survive and learn how to deal with it - you'd be suprised at your own emotional and physical strength sometimes!
No personal experiance but a mate of mine had his leg amputated ages ago (like when he was 20 and is now 40) and has, and still does have, a very active life making it into the GB disabled ski team. He jokes about it a lot and he is perfectly happy about it. And morden prosthetic limbs are very very good now.
Well hopefully if the worst happens I might end up like your friend. I'm 23 now and would think it incredible if I was still very athletic like that into my 40s, especially with the prosthetic leg.
Avrielle_Aniko wrote:
But as far as I'm concerned, it will be much better to have that and may actually improve my sex life in the long run if I'm pain free and use a prosthetic just as or almost as good as a normal foot.
I know what you mean in that respect.. I've only recently been diagnosed with the cancer, but I've had pain in my knee where the tumour is for the last three years which has made me very immobile and of course was ignored by doctors everytime I saw them. Sometimes I've felt like I'd rather just not have a leg than be in pain anymore. I'm sure no matter what I'll learn to live with it, just not being in pain would be a relief.
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Again thank you everyone. Posting this and everyones replies has made me a bit happier. I'm still scared of course, but I know it wouldn't be the end of the world no matter what happens. I'm very lucky to have my partner, he's such a sweetheart and I know he'll be of great help to me throughout this whole battle. I don't even know if I have to have chemo yet and he's already told me he'll shave his head with me if I have to shave mine - which I'd rather do than see all my hair fall out, if it started to happen. As my partner has long hair it'd be quite a difference for him and is a gesture that would mean the world to me. I think so long as I've got him with me, I'll be alright. :)
No personal experiance but a mate of mine had his leg amputated ages ago (like when he was 20 and is now 40) and has, and still does have, a very active life making it into the GB disabled ski team. He jokes about it a lot and he is perfectly happy about it. And morden prosthetic limbs are very very good now.
Well hopefully if the worst happens I might end up like your friend. I'm 23 now and would think it incredible if I was still very athletic like that into my 40s, especially with the prosthetic leg.
Avrielle_Aniko wrote:
But as far as I'm concerned, it will be much better to have that and may actually improve my sex life in the long run if I'm pain free and use a prosthetic just as or almost as good as a normal foot.
I know what you mean in that respect.. I've only recently been diagnosed with the cancer, but I've had pain in my knee where the tumour is for the last three years which has made me very immobile and of course was ignored by doctors everytime I saw them. Sometimes I've felt like I'd rather just not have a leg than be in pain anymore. I'm sure no matter what I'll learn to live with it, just not being in pain would be a relief.
--
Again thank you everyone. Posting this and everyones replies has made me a bit happier. I'm still scared of course, but I know it wouldn't be the end of the world no matter what happens. I'm very lucky to have my partner, he's such a sweetheart and I know he'll be of great help to me throughout this whole battle. I don't even know if I have to have chemo yet and he's already told me he'll shave his head with me if I have to shave mine - which I'd rather do than see all my hair fall out, if it started to happen. As my partner has long hair it'd be quite a difference for him and is a gesture that would mean the world to me. I think so long as I've got him with me, I'll be alright. :)
It's great your partner will do that and shave his head, but not all treatment involves you losing your hair. Depends on the drugs. You might be lucky - I've never lost mine, just had different side effects.
Hey everyone - I've been a member here for a while, but I suppose I mostly lurk on the forums. Been having a lot of ups and downs in my life and haven't really felt like participating much. Anyway, now onto why I made this thread..
I've been diagnosed with a rare form of bone cancer quite recently. There is a large tumour growing around my kneecap and in the bottom of my thigh bone. I'm going to be having quite major limb-sparing surgery in the next two to three weeks to have the tumour removed and my knee replaced, so will be part cyborg from now on, lol. I might have to have some chemo afterwards too, but I won't know for definite until after the surgery.
The risk of infection with the operation I'm having is very high and for some people the prothesis put in to replace their knee just doesn't take properly and the operation has to be redone. If it has to be redone more than twice or if it gets too badly infected then that could mean that my leg will have to be amputated, which I'm very scared about. Not to mention all the other risks that come with the surgery.
I'm not trying to be pessimistic about things, just trying to be realistic and acknowledge that it is a possibility. I was wondering if anyone here on the forums has ever had a limb amputated and what kind of impact it has had on your life and your sex life? My partner has already assured me that it won't make any difference to them, that they will still love me and find me attractive and I do believe them, but I know it'll make a difference to me. I already have such low self confidence as it is, I'm pretty sure that whatever little I do have will be annihilated if that happens. So yeah any advice or experiences anyone has would be much appreciated. x
Hiya Cindy. A friend of mine had to have his leg amputated in Oct last year. He's 40 odd and was, still is fit as a fiddle. He was picking his kid up from school one day and collapsed, was rushed to hospital and was found to have a serious blood clot. His leg had to be removed to save his life. He is in brilliant form and according to him his sex life is as good as ever! He's up and about using a prosthesis now and thinking about returning to work as a security guard I hear.
You'll be fine and I'm sure with the support of your partner no matter what , you'll find the fight to get you through it all.
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I don't really have anything useful to add to the advice already given but because it bears repeating I'd say trust your partner and lean on him for support. If you find yourself worrying that it will make a difference to your partner, try thinking about it the other way round: if he lost a limb it wouldn't change the way you felt would it?
Hiya Cindy. A friend of mine had to have his leg amputated in Oct last year. He's 40 odd and was, still is fit as a fiddle. He was picking his kid up from school one day and collapsed, was rushed to hospital and was found to have a serious blood clot. His leg had to be removed to save his life. He is in brilliant form and according to him his sex life is as good as ever! He's up and about using a prosthesis now and thinking about returning to work as a security guard I hear.
You'll be fine and I'm sure with the support of your partner no matter what , you'll find the fight to get you through it all.
Best wishes and hugs.
SG x
Really pleased to hear about your friend! Stories like these reinforce that it won't be as bad as I think it will. That's so scary what happened to him though, thankfully they were able to help him!
Avrielle_Aniko wrote:
It's only natural to feel scared. It's a fear of the unknown. I'm sure it wont be half as bad as what it seems in your head just now, no matter what course of action they decide to take.
Personally I'm actually more afraid to travel to a hospital or a place I'm not familiar with to have treatment on my foot than the actual treatment itself. But that is just me and have a bit of a phobia of being thrown in to the unknown - especially places. But even so, I know it wont be as bad as the thoughts I have in my mind, because it very rarely ever is..
I'm scared of going to an unknown hospital as well, but that is exactly what has to happen. I'm from Belfast and I'm going to be having my surgery in a hospital in Birmingham. It's not totally unknown as I had to go for a consultation there at the end of dec, so I got to see the place briefly, but that won't be the same as being there for two weeks or more.. I was less scared when they thought they could do my operation in Belfast because that way my friends and family could visit me, but that isn't really an option anymore. It's going to suck but I'm allowed to bring my laptop with me, not sure I'll have net access but I'm getting loads of movies on it to keep me occupied.