Lusting for an older guy - advise please?

I’m not sure if off topic category is the right one to put this in so sorry if it isn’t.

I have an older guy friend who is 28 and I’m almost 20. I don’t “love him” per say but I feel lust to him aka just want to be intimate with him and nothing else. Basically a friends with benefits situation if that makes sense? He has this other female friend who he really likes and says he will only want to be intimate with her. This friend of his makes me super jealous to the point I wish she wouldn’t exist. He does things for her that I want him to do for me which makes me hate her even more. I don’t want to feel this way but I do. He already kinda knows this but only about 5%. He’s on my mind all the time and it’s getting in the way of other things like if I date another guy, I’d think of my friend during sex with the guy I’m with and it makes me feel guilty. His voice, his personality, his tattoos, just everything about him makes me want to ravish this guy for hours and then go back to being friends until next time.

I’m sorry if parts didn’t make sense as I just need to get this off my chest as I’ve been dealing with this for a while now. All advise is welcome. Thanks in advance


You need to cut ties with him completely (even as a friend). He has made his position clear and so it’s not going to happen with him. I know you don’t have romantic feelings towards him, but you need to treat this like a break up. Delete, block, avoid, whatever you need to do whether that be dating others or avoiding having sex with anyone else altogether. You need to force your mind away from him when it starts to wander. It won’t be easy, it won’t be a quick fix, you won’t go from thinking about him constantly to being over it in a few days but you are at the point when this is becoming unhealthy, particularly if you are actively hating the person he is into.

The longer you let these feeling go on, the worse it is going to get and the harder it will be to stop.


@sharbur, @Calie has some great advise…

Its hard when you have the hits for someone and its only one way lust. Like you said its lust not love, so time to close the door on that chapter and open another else where…

Yes some people fantasise when making love but if you keep imaging the same guy it’s going to make the want even bigger and not fulfill your dream.

I’m very much once it’s ended move on, yes it can be painful but you never know who is around the corner or comes knocking

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Oh sharbur, we have all felt something similar and I totally agree with Callie. As he has clearly indicated there are no intimate intentions, drop him and move on and find your next adventure.
Best of luck :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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I think @Calie is stop on with this one. Most if not all of us will have been in this situation at some time and if its only one way there is no future and you will only be the one to suffer in the long run. Follow @calie advice. Hopefully you will find a new partner and you can totally forget about this person.

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@sharbur I agree with the advise you have been given on here hun sorry to burst your bubble @Calie great advise hun :kissing_heart:

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I’d agree with the above, he’s become an obsession and you need to walk away. It’ll be hard for a few weeks but like anything in life you’ll move on and find a new person who will hopefully reciprocate the feelings


Crikey, yes, we have all been there… some more than once and I’m speaking from experience.
Cutting ties is the best way to deal with it. You are only torturing yourself by keeping in contact.
It’s going to be hard but I think k it will be best.

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@sharbur I think everyone is spot on . I have advised multiple friends , both men and women in a similar situation to stop before things head in a bad direction . I must confess your title peaked MY interest , after all I am an older guy . LOL


I think we all showed interest but her older guy was only 28 !! I would call him a very young man. What would it be like to be 30 years younger. @Oldman


This makes total sense and is typical lustful mind set. It becomes almost obsession right??
I’m no specialist in advising but from what I’ve experienced is either you go get what your craving or you have to go cold turkey to detox or the alternative is to find something else to override your mind and focus on more, kinda like swapping one lust for another lol

I would say some of this advice is a bit hasty, because it sounds like he doesn’t fully know (or he only suspects) how you feel about him.

When I was 28, I probably would have thought a 19 year-old friend wasn’t interested in me sexually. For all you know, he could be desperate to take things further, but he doesn’t want to take advantage of the fact that he’s older and you’re young.

Why not tell him in general terms what you’d like from the relationship? If he definitely doesn’t want the same, then it’s time to move on.

Lots of great advice on here. It’s obviius you have many friends that care for you & your well being. I think you probably already know deep down what you should do & definitely have friends to help you along. Really great people on here & i hope you move on & find the love of your life.