Alicia D'amore wrote:
Hello Emmy and welcome to the forums!
Sounds almost typical for this place - there are a few women here who's libido rocketed as the got older whereas men's libido (generally) lowers with age.
It's worth - as MissO says - remembering that it's nothing personal when he doesn't want it. Easier said than done.
It's also worth talking to him. For me, in my opinion, sex is the same as cuddles. If someone's partner refused to cuddle them it'd be judged as unfair, yet if a partner won't give sex then that's all fine and dandy and you're supposed to get used to it. In my opinion that's wrong - as part of a strong relationship you both need to work to provide for each other - be it cuddles, sex, happiness - we work to make each other happy. Whilst if he *really* feels dead set against it he shouldn't be forced, if he just isn't in the mood I don't think it's fair to deny you the intimacy.
I have a low libido but get a lot of satisfaction from making my OH happy so I give him a blowjob every day and we "share" sex when *I'm* in the mood - it really works! I think it's important to maintain the intimacy in whatever way works best for you both and maybe he needs reminding that the strength and happiness of your relationship is both of your responsibility.
There may be a reason that he's avoiding sex so you need to be tactful when you speak to him, ask if anything's making life difficult at the minute - is he stressed at work, suffering with tiredness, feeling insecure. You don't want to make him feel worse if he's already worrying but also you need to remind him that it's something important to you both.
And the more you have the more you want! I rarely feel like sex but I'll initiate it if I'm in a "I could have sex" mood because I know once we've started I'll love it!
This is all a bit jumbled - hope it makes sense!
Adx
This is an excellent point, especially the bit about pleasing one partner, even if the other is not up for it, maybe worth mentioning to your OH, i have mentioned it to mine a couple of times and he refuses, if he does't want sex, he doesn't want it in any way shape or form, which i find very unfair, especially as he bitches about my rabbit constantly!
But if i kept on at him, he'd probly give in and get me off, but heres the thing, i wouldn't want to them, id know it was only because i'd worn him down.
It can be a very frustrating time, you just have to try and talk about it, even if it makes him feel like a failure or you feel unwanted, just keep reasuring eachother constantly and ask him what will help, my OH has asked me to completly not mention sex atall now, he says as soon as he hears the word he feels pressured, and even if he did want it, it'd be wiped out immediatly.
xx
