Hey
I kinda need some advice.
I think I’m at the end of the very long road with my marriage. I’m not sure how I just keep trying anymore. How do people cope? How do afford to live without the others wages? How do you cope with children involved? I’m lost and I just can’t fight anymore, I have nothing left to give.
I don’t want us hating each other, I don’t want my kids torn apart, I just can’t live like I am.
I’m sorry for the depressing post. I just don’t have anyone to turn to, I’ll be doing this alone, and I’m scared.
Sorry to hear this, all i can advise is see Citizen’s Advice they will be able to give you help on what to do, and how to go about it. I’m sure forum members with experience of relationship breakdowns can help you too. Above all, stay safe and do what’s ultimately best for YOU and your children.
I’ve been down this road twice. My first divorce was easy. We had grown apart and so we just split. I was working and earning a good wage so there weren’t any problems that time.
It was very different with my second divorce though. She left me for an ex after hanging out with him on Facebook. I was devastated. The debt was huge this time as we had our own business and we were suddenly unable to complete any work, losing all our orders.
The first thing I did was go to the Citizen’s Advice Bureau. Usually, I would recommend the CAB without hesitation, but I had a bad 'un. The advice I was given was completely wrong and I am so pleased that I had enough knowledge to realise this. I ended up seeing the manager at the local CAB instead, who was immensely helpful.
What helped me far more, was getting in touch with a debt charity via a local church. This was a fairly local one to me. I had been advised to try StepChange, but they were of no help to me and I would have ended up being far worse off. StepChange do not suit everybody.
Another thing I was able to do was consolidate my debts to a degree. This saved me a couple of grand. I wouldn’t usually recommend taking out a debt to pay off another debt, but it can work. I used Provident, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to pay off the debt with them. Naughty, I know, but it was the best thing I could have done. Two years later and Provident wiped the debt!
Whoever you get advice from, also try to confirm that the advice you get is correct.
Hopefully there is something of use in this message. I wish you well and I can only say to look forward to a new and exciting future. You never know what is around the corner. What seemed like the end of the world for me, didn’t last too long, and I am now in a far, far better place.
It’s hard, I came to the end of the marriage 7 years ago, we split the finances in the house. Did our own divorce through the family court. You just need to rebalance your finances to suit your new 1 person income.
Best advice is don’t use the kids as weapons unlike my ex…
Ammicable break up is best, we have a great relationship with my new wife’s ex hubby and his new wife, including baby sitting their child, it helps the kids, although they felt it strange at first but we will have meals together and really works… Unlike my ex
I am sorry to hear this, it’s never easy even if you think it’s for the best. My 21 year marriage broke up around 2.5 years ago, it was my decision, but that doesn’t make it easy. We get one life and we have to sometimes make very difficult choices in order to get the long term happiness we all deserve. Some of my troubles over it have been well documented on here so I won’t go over them again.
Take your time to sort through finances and all the practical things that a separation involves, but mostly, take care of yourself. From the things you’ve said in the past, you’ve tried and tried to sort things but you can’t do it alone, and it seems now you’re coming to the realisation that you alone can’t fix things, if your husband is unwilling to see what he needs to do too then this may be the best option for you all in the long run.
I work and also get universal credit since the split, I won’t deny that sorting out bills etc was difficult in the early months as I hadn’t ever done it before but I’ve got things mostly sorted now, I just need to work on clearing credit card debt which I am doing slowly.
I hope it all works out for you, you can’t keep living as you are, it’s not healthy on any of you, and keep believing that better things are to come.
Sorry to hear this. I’m a few months into this myself and am parenting and earning alone. In many ways I’m happier now though, despite the practical challenges.
Thank you all.
I’m fighting a loosing battle, we moved house umm 9 weeks ago, it’s rented, but I can’t afford it on my own. My boy is disabled, he is struggling with the move as it is, as we were at our old place 16 years, and I still look after my 90 year old neighbour, so I there every few days. I’m really worried how my children will cope, and how I’d afford to live on my own. I web cam, but it’s been so quiet this month, that I’ve made 250 so far this month.
Ultimately I’ve tried, I’ll admit I’m
Not a great communicator I am a selective mute, I’m much better writing things down than saying them out loud.
I sent him a text last night as I sat there just not knowing what to do, he’s woken up and not gone to work today, so I’ll update when I can xx
This is really sad to hear @Justthetwoofus2007, a lot of us here have known quite a lot about you and your personal situations for quite some time now and I can honestly say I feel so saddened for you, I so wish I could give you a hug.
I’m sorry that I have no real advice, but I can tell you that a lot of us here really do care and I hope we can offer heaps of reassurance and support. I just wanted to pop in and say I really hope everything works out ok for YOU in the end. You deserve nothing but happiness Xxx
@Justthetwoofus2007 sorry to hear of the current situation you have been through the ringer last couple of years, not having been divorced myself I can dread the thought of doing so but as everyone has said the CAB would be my way of seeking advice . Good luck hun
I have never been in your situation so cannot offer any advice but I wish you all the best with sorting things out. over the year/s you have told us about your relationship with your husband. At times this has been volatile I believe. I think CAB must be the ones to advise you especially re finance. Surely you would get support re disabled child (PIP etc?) Do you get paid for helping the 90 year old. Could this continue? All the best and look after yourself and the children.
Hey @Justthetwoofus2007 don’t apologise for your post…you know we are all real people on here with real lives and experiences with good advice without judgement.
Take a deep breath and take it one day at a time. Have you rung a solictor? I’m not sure if this is still the case but my first consultation was free and I got great help and advice to get me started on the right track.
It is damaging to the children and you cannot continue living in fear. I know alot of people stay in toxic relationships for the exact reasons you state above…but in the long term wading through the mud so to speak and getting to the other side will be such a relief not just for yourself but for you ALL.
Get help right now…get the ball rolling and you can begin to move forward…get your self esteem back…your self worth.
I don’t have much useful advice. I’ve never been in this situation, but have had some really tough times.
All I can say is that in the short time I’ve been active on here, this a great forum and a great bunch of people.
Please keep talking about it if you need to. You are safe here.
I hope you are okay @Justthetwoofus2007 you will find a way through it, it just seems hard right now!
CAB are a good shout, but knowing some background maybe also speak to your local Domestic Abuse Service. Even if you don’t need direct support from them they can signpost you to local services e.g. Good solicitors they use and finance services.
No I don’t get paid to help her, I get her papers and milk, put the bin out, sort her recycling, and post cards off for her and cut her grass.
I couldn’t take money off her, she’s like family.
She’s 90 and she’s done so much for us.
She’s saved my skin a lot lol my fridge freezer packed up one day abd she had all my food in hers for me, she has my spare key and I’ve locked myself out a million times over the years lol
My son gets dla for his disability, I work cam, but I can’t live off it, it’s been dead this month.
He’s home today, he wants to sort things, I’m tired, I am mentally worn out with how I’m feeling.
I have really tried, I don’t want
Hi, I understand a little of what you are going through, it will not be easy, I think @ CurvyJilly advice is very wise and should be followed. Something I would consider though is making confidential comments on here as anyone can read them. Anyone can set up an account and use that against you if they know you. Just be careful. @Justthetwoofus2007
I’m sorry @Justthetwoofus2007, adding to what people have already said, CAB can help, there’s also organisations like Gingerbread who can offer advice and support.
I don’t know if the situation has changed from last time but if there are still elements of domestic abuse then charities like Women’s Aid and Refuge can help provide advice on accommodation including local authority options for emergency rehousing.
