My wife seems repulsed when I mention it. I love doing it but when we're together she is so against it. I often masturbate her but when I say to her 'you do it' (to herself) she just won't.
My wife has masturbated and when we were first together but not living with each other she used to do it to turn me on. Now we are married she's not so keen. She does do it now and again for me to watch her which drives me super crazy.
So in answer no not a prude just not for her
EngAz I have a similar problem with my OH and really need some advice from the LH members as to how to get my OH to try something which she hasn't done before. Masturbating would be a start, but I'd love her to try some toys and dress sexier. I think if I can just find a way to get her interested then maybe it will snowball once she starts to realise it's enjoyable, here's hoping.
How long you have been together may make a difference to how easily you can introduce new things.I think the early years of a relationship can be so adventurous anyway it is easy to introduce and try new things.However if after mainy years that excitement has wained a little it can be more awkward for some partners to be open to new ideas through feeling comfortable with things as they are.In other cases some relationships manage to continually strive to keep their passion alive by remaining adventurous.If things have become a little predictable although still loving it may just take slighty longer and require a lot of patience on your part to introduce variety.Talking through ideas is possibly the best way to go perhaps before even being near the bedroom or other area of preference giving your partner a chance to think things over without feeling under pressure or insecure.Reassuring all the way that your goal is for your partner to derive even more pleasure if possible should allay any fears that you may be bored.This may lead to your partner wanting things to be more pleasurable for you too without either if you feeling inadequate.You can only try with patience. I wish you the best on your journey.
My wife claims she has never masturbated. She doesn't touch herself during sex but we have a collection of toys I use on her that she enjoys. (see my photo collection) I don't know if you still call it masturbation when someone else does it to you even if it is witha vibrator or a dildo. I on the other hand I have always enjoyed playing with myself.and still do regularly.
Hi guys. I believe that the way we've been brought up plays a factor in masturbation. I come from a strict background and masturbation was not even considered something a girl would do, it was always a boy dirty secret.
So I basically started masturbating on my forties. Honestly I have never done before that because I thought that wasn't acceptable, even with my hubby. But then I decided to leave this jurassic thought behind and started doing on my forties. And now I do all the time, much more than my OH and I think that is absolutely great. I would never tell my daughter "don't do it or it's wrong".
Honestly many of us ladies have a very high sexual drive and I think it's wonderful when we can "understand" our bodies and give that it needs, regardless of being in a relationship or not. For me now i something like have a shower, brush my teeth, eat, etc... I just do it and life is so much better. I find it that's a lovely way to deal with stress and I'm 100% sure my hubby wouldn't mind at all if he knew how often I do it. It's very personal.
So let's respect other peoples' view and enjoy this forum.
Thank you for this! I've been waiting to hear from people who have had a similar awakening. It gives me hope. My fear is that there may well come a time that the shoe is on the other foot and I don't want her to feel what I have had for so long. Something is broken, I don't know if it's her, me or us. Right now I don't feel desirable, just crushed and incredibly hurt/sad inside.Lu SB wrote:
Hi guys. I believe that the way we've been brought up plays a factor in masturbation. I come from a strict background and masturbation was not even considered something a girl would do, it was always a boy dirty secret.
So I basically started masturbating on my forties. Honestly I have never done before that because I thought that wasn't acceptable, even with my hubby. But then I decided to leave this jurassic thought behind and started doing on my forties. And now I do all the time, much more than my OH and I think that is absolutely great. I would never tell my daughter "don't do it or it's wrong".
Honestly many of us ladies have a very high sexual drive and I think it's wonderful when we can "understand" our bodies and give that it needs, regardless of being in a relationship or not. For me now i something like have a shower, brush my teeth, eat, etc... I just do it and life is so much better. I find it that's a lovely way to deal with stress and I'm 100% sure my hubby wouldn't mind at all if he knew how often I do it. It's very personal.
So let's respect other peoples' view and enjoy this forum.
EngAz wrote:
Thank you for this! I've been waiting to hear from people who have had a similar awakening. It gives me hope. My fear is that there may well come a time that the shoe is on the other foot and I don't want her to feel what I have had for so long. Something is broken, I don't know if it's her, me or us. Right now I don't feel desirable, just crushed and incredibly hurt/sad inside.Lu SB wrote:
Hi guys. I believe that the way we've been brought up plays a factor in masturbation. I come from a strict background and masturbation was not even considered something a girl would do, it was always a boy dirty secret.
So I basically started masturbating on my forties. Honestly I have never done before that because I thought that wasn't acceptable, even with my hubby. But then I decided to leave this jurassic thought behind and started doing on my forties. And now I do all the time, much more than my OH and I think that is absolutely great. I would never tell my daughter "don't do it or it's wrong".
Honestly many of us ladies have a very high sexual drive and I think it's wonderful when we can "understand" our bodies and give that it needs, regardless of being in a relationship or not. For me now i something like have a shower, brush my teeth, eat, etc... I just do it and life is so much better. I find it that's a lovely way to deal with stress and I'm 100% sure my hubby wouldn't mind at all if he knew how often I do it. It's very personal.
So let's respect other peoples' view and enjoy this forum.
Hi Eng, I'm sorry you feel this way. I don't think there's an easy way out, you've to talk to her, try your best to open a line of communication. Does she really know how hurst and upset you feel? You see this is "just" a sexual thing you'd like her to try, but it's affecting you in more ways than one. Chances are she wouldn't like to see you hurting like that.
Relationships are such a hard work and the intimacy, or lack of, play such an important part in a way that a couple deal with their problems and move on. The way you write about it, it's like you're building up a lot of resentment and that's not gonna go away unless you do something about it.
Perhaps there's something in her past, something that happened and she doesn't feel like sharing with you. I've been married for 15 years and although I love my husband to bits, there're things that I just can't tell him. These things don't play a massive role in our relationship, but certainly they affect the way I feel and the person I am.
You can't make her do something she's not willing to do, not everyone is up to enjoy masturbation. You can be supportive, encourage her, perhaps browse around this site and find other ways to help her and you to have a more fullfilling sexual life.
Like you said there's hope. I found the pleasure of masturbation a bit late, but there's no going back for me now, upwards and onwards on my body is wonderful.
Good luck I hope you turn this situation around.
Hi , everyone has their own thing and not everyone feels comfortable exploring themselves like that its not wrong its just who that person is x
She's not a prude. If she was, she probably wouldn't be with you (not in a rude way ! Just going off of the way you speak, I can't imagine a "prude" would l be in a relationship with someone with your views, if that makes sense ?).
There could be a load of possible causes like upbringing, lack of urges (or even hiding asexual feelings in order to appear normal), discomfort upon previous attempts, etc. Heck, maybe it just never even occurred to her ? Sure as hell didn't for a few of my friends. I have a few friends in their late 30s that haven't even tried to pleasure themselves in ANY way. So... yeah. What does it matter ? She's happy keeping it to herself or not doing it, and if she's not, eventually she'll discover it by herself in her own time. (And for the love of god don't let her read your post because I'm already a teensy bit insulted on her behalf ! :'D ).
Best of luck to both of you if you're attempting to broaden your sexual horizons (or not). x
After i found out my husband has his alone time not very often... i felt disappointed because as his wife i did my bit in front of him so i felt i wasnt doing enough foe him after talking about our sex life last week we tried the masterbation together this morning and it was amazing. This forum gave me the idea last night to try to do it together so he woke me up this morning with his morning glory and there was my suggestion and he was really into this.
That's nice Dopidipi 😊
You shouldn't feel bad if your partner indulges in solo play without you though. It doesn't mean you can't fulfill his every need, or that he prefers it to you. I indulge quite a bit myself and it has no bearing on my Oh not satisfying me. It's just a way of relieving myself if my Oh isn't here, or is tired or even if I want a quick fix.
Still feel that although you think she doesn't masterbate, doesn't 100% mean it's true! She could be doing it at every opportunity, but not admitting to it for various reasons..:. Just saying!
No one is a prude or the latter... we are all entitled to enjoy and keep sacred what our "thing" is... maybe if we weren't so judgemental or stereotypical! Who knows what our partners may willingly share!!!!!!
Stop labelling and judging each other on what is expected (by society) of one an other ✌️
To be boring, there have been a lot of studies and it seems about 25% of women have never masturbated. Only about 5% of men never do. Even 90% of married men admit to regular masturbation but it does eeem much less common in women. Most females need interaction with another person in order to get aroused. My OH says she never masturbates except when we're having sex (either together or remotely - e.g. over the phone).
*edited my moderator- duplicate question from another thread*
I'm a massive fan of it as my OH seems to have a low libido. I know she does it too but we've never talked about it and we've been married over a decade. Not many other things give you such an amazing (drug-free) feeling so why don't we all feel less inhibited.
sexcrazedbear i agree with what you have wrote... hence my other comment above... i am a woman who i need interaction with my husband to get aroused. i watch porn but only for ideas not to actually masterbate with. since my above comment my husband has suggested and compramised that he can still watch the porn as this doesnt bother me but he wont do the deed with it... to which i agreed as i have compramised to do days where he ejaculates in me and days where he does his deed in front of me to his choice where he wants to aim on me.
I often think its strange when people say about strict upbringings and masterbation being frowned upon.
The thing i think is whilst my parents werent strict strict, i cant ever imaging any parent saying to their children...
"yeh ok knock yourself out upstairs have a good wank
its good for you"
Or am i wrong!!!
My OH doesn't do it often, she has admitted to using one of her vibes occasionally, but not a regular thing. So long as I'm not missing out on sex / play time, I'm not in the least bit upset. I used to do it regularly, couple of times a week, but with our improved security life, this has reduced markedly lately.
We talked about doing it in front of each other recently, never done that but it's on the list
Ive never really been into it either - I know it has its merits and I am in fact converting. Oh and i have had a year long drought which has been well and truly broken. He's gone home and im still here with kids. I have to confess that ive pretty much had a session every evening since he left. Its like something has awakened and i feel a real physical need for stimulation and for the release. Only prob is am staying at parents and bedrooms all on same floor so not ok for using any toys (couldnt cope with them knowing what i was up to) so am just having to make do with my hands 😊
That said last night literally blue me away and I ended up squirting - very surprising and a real turn on - such a turn on i even went to the toilets at work and did it again there 😳 how embarrasding is that? But i really couldnt wait until bedtime and this is from someone who previously never did, who progressed to clit stim when doing doggy style but never did solo play. So maybe there is hope? Maybe finding the right thing will leave her wanting more of you, so much so that she'll have to self satisfy?
Sorry for long post...