My boyfriend and I had a bit of a fight lately as he hasn't really been interested in sex our sexual acts (in the past few months). We used to do some dom sub (me as sub), teasing, and bondage and sex several times a week.... Now I'm lucky if we have sex twice a month. I have a really high sex drive and he used to almost match it, we have been riveter 2 years and over the last several months he just hasn't really been interested. He says it is because he is really stressed, and I push too much when I am horny (which I will admit I used to try hard to get him turned on when this first started but have since stopped. I've tried sexy underwear, intense graduated kissing, sexting, hinting, even sexual puns but nothing is working. The last time we had sex was when he suddenly wanted a quicky in the morning and that was last month. He has mentioned he maybe needs more physiological turning on..... Please can I have some advice on physiogical turning on and what to do in general 😔 I really really love him with all my heart.
Sit him down and talk too him tell him how you feel and see how he responds. There could be under lying issues , maybe see a gp It will only cause further argumets if left Maybe you just like different things But without talking you will never no just explain how you feel honestly and if it doesnt change im sure theres a few toys on here that could do his job for him
We had a talk and he said he was stressed and just needs a bit more to turn him on but not to push and maybe ask Love honey forum for advice or that 💜 x
Stress and sex really don't mix. They say sex is a stress reliever but for most suffering stress it's the last thing on their minds. Support him and let him know that the option is there. Try not to suggest it to much though as this could add to his stress as he could under even more pressure to perform.
If he's stressed he might need emotional support and simple affection more than sex at the moment. I'd back off for a bit, but be loving and physically affectionate. Be intimate if you both feel like it, but without any pressure to fit a role. Try to talk about whatever it is he is stressed about.
It sounds like you've both enjoyed a pretty full-on sex life which is great, but not many people can continue that all the time, especially not when life stresses take over. Things can wax and wane over the course of a relationship. Give him time and understanding. Maybe keep things low-key and more vanilla for a period - if he is stressed he might not want to play the part of dom (I'm guessing, here - you need to talk to each other).
I'm not sure what you mean by 'more physiological turning on'?
But I think that affection, low-key intimacy and lots of communiction / talking would probably be helpful.
Good luck!
There are many reasons and stress is usually a victim of sex. In my experience talking to patients and friends on stress affecting sex, there are many reasons why Mr He (and not Ms She) uses stress as an excuse. Again as I said, it's my personal encounters dealing with this issue. How often that "STRESS" turned out to be something else. Sex has became stale with his partner, he's seeing someone besides her, sexually "mismatched" (he loves BDSM but you don't), religion, just to name a few. Probe a little deeper and the cat will be let out of the cage.
So I may get shot down for this but Im currently in bed, mouth hanging open in shock at this. Ive been a size 8, size 14 and everything in between and my Husband honestly hasnt batted an eyelid. I understand we all have preferences but when you love someone you love THEM and for me anyway weight has very little to do with it. Im sorry your OH isnt emotionally great at this time and your sexual relationship is suffering but I hate to think of you blaming / changing your body in an attempt to fix it. Eat right and get some extra exercise for you if you feel you want to but not for anyone else xAlyBlue wrote:
He has also hinted that I have put on weight and that isn't exactly a turn on... I have put on a stone and so I am starting the gym next week to tone up and lose the weight 😊. Thank you guys for your advice 😊 x
Holy $hitballs, if I ever commented that Mrs Sen has put on weight and that is the reason for less sex, there'd be even less sex, could shoulder treatment (and deservedly) for sure. I completely understand that people have their physical likes and dislikes, but that is beyond cruel. Sounds like he got quite defensive and pushed his issues back onto you. Attack being the best for of defense and all.
As Mrs John says, if you want to feel better about yourself for yourself, all well ang good, exercise and healthy eating habits for sure, but because he says so?
Wow. This response would not sit well with me. I am aware that we don't know all the ins and outs and the background information but please, don't feel like you have to change your body to please someone else. If it's something you want to do for you, then I wish you all the luck in the world. However if it were me, I'd be having more of a discussion on this and throwing this back at him. What ever you decide to do, just be happy ❤AlyBlue wrote:
So I took your advice and have been not pushing for sex and taking his stress into consideration by helping out were I can and being understanding. So I have been doing that and helped take off some stress such as making dinner an doing washing up after dinner. He has also hinted that I have put on weight and that isn't exactly a turn on... I have put on a stone and so I am starting the gym next week to tone up and lose the weight 😊. Thank you guys for your advice 😊 x
Hi Alyblue,
I too have a problem with his body shaming you, if that's the correct label for what he's said (I don't know how he said it obviously)
In my view, BDSM happens in a seperate play space where dominating behaviour is accepted and consensual. What you've described sounds to me suspiciously like disrespectful & controlling behaviour outside of this safe space. Expressing a liking for a particular type of physique is one thing, but I worry it's really crossing a line to tell someone what weight they should be. I'd love to think you're sure you really want to lose weight for yourself & not just because he's telling you who to be.
As to your physical relationship: The dominant role in sub/dom play can involve, quite rightly, alot of feelings of responsibility, and if he's stressed he may not feel he has the emotional resources to take care of you like he feels you want him to, by taking charge and directing the bedroom fun. When my wife and I started to mess around in this way, I had a few wobbles about crossing boundaries & upsetting her, so this made feelings about sex more complicated. More experience, some research, and really clear setting of boundaries made all of this waaay better for me.
I hope you're both able to talk things through openly and honestly to find out what he & you really want out of your relationship & get things back to where you're both happy with it.
All the best :-)