I have been having difficulty motivating my boyfriend to have sex more regularly. I have purchased a few toys to help, any suggestions about getting started and not feeling adequate.
Regards
Goodness and to think i used to be like that too until recently.. My partner must have been feeling the same :( im not really any help with this sort of thing because My lack of interest was due to having a baby and thankfully it has came back on its own. But firstly don't feel inadequate! Most of the time it's down to the person themselves why they are putting sex off maybe lack of confidence or feeling self conscious?
How does he feel about porn? If that sort of thing gets him going mybe you could watch it together! Or even outfits? try and find something he's into so he can't help himself ;) Even have a chat with him about how you feel. Sometimes that is your best bet :) I hope this was somewhat helpful lol xx
Did he ever have a higher sex drive? If not, you may have to accept that your sex drives are different. If he did, then there's probably something going on with him that's affecting his libido. Stress, medication, body issues, confidence etc.
I don't think buying toys/lingerie is the right approach here, as he may start feeling pressured which could withdraw him from sex even more. I think communication is your best bet here. Explain how you're feeling and let him open up in return.
Generally I find that less sex can be due to something emotional causing stress and or doubt about something. You may just have to wait for your partner to work through these, maybe focus on other forms of support, like starting with cuddingling a bit more etc, which may eventually turn into something more. I'd recommend try not to push it, jjust take things slowly. It may seem like ages until they gain their sex drive back, but once they do you will probably notice you are both making up for lost time, and have evolved sexually and emotionally together.
Talk talk and talk! This happened to us last year, and I took the approach you did of buying loads of toys and lingerie, and it only came out months later when we were talking that it actually made him feel very pressured and had the opposite effect. As NatandTom said, have your sex drives always been this way? When me and my partner got together, his was VERY high and mine not so much. Whereas now, I am always wanting sex, and him not so much.
You have to sit down together and talk about what is going on. Usually with men I find it is very much emotional stress that is causing him to be more withdrawn like this. It is disheartening and it is very easy to take it personally (which I did) but you really need to get to the bottom of what is going on in his head. Reconnect together, go out for meals or if that isn't possible, cook him something nice at home. Give him a relaxing massage with a massage oil from LoveHoney. With my OH it turned it out it was alot of stress with work and financial problems. Things are very very different now after much talking over the last few months, and can hand on heart say things have never been better between us.
Once you start talking and getting things out in the open (although I think sometimes it can be a "pride" thing where they don't always want to admit defeat/stress) you can then start a journey of starting again (enjoying physical intimacy without it leading to sex, hand holding, etc).
There are lots of people here to help, and it's certainly something I think alot of us members have experienced on here. Good luck and keep us posted xx
Have a relaxing erotic night.
Bathe together with candles / flower petals/music
nice meal then surprise him with a alluring outfit.
Wow. Thank you ALL for such great advice. I feel really supported by people I don't even know. Okay, I shall keep you posted.
Your welcome :) communication is key ;) xx
Dutch01 wrote:
Wow. Thank you ALL for such great advice. I feel really supported by people I don't even know. Okay, I shall keep you posted.
That's what's great about this place, loads of friendly strangers who don't give a jot what you are into / persuasion is we just accept it and help out where we can.
As said before talk, find out why and what is wrong (if anything) reconnect, go on "dates" do something non sexual just the two of you together, remember why you got together in the first place, try and get that spark, momnet back, don't pressure it though, set aside a night or two for the two of you do something you both like but make it clear sex is not or should not be the end result. who knows after a "date" or 2...
Alternativley and i'm sorry for banging on about it again, but it really helped us. Monogany, the board game. Yes its all about having sex at the end but a really good fun way to get there. our review is on our profile.