Well, my boyfriend wants me to tie him up "have my wicked way with him" and "do whatever I want to him".
Thing is, I don't get all that much out of being on top, and I find it awkward to say the least. I also almost always end up collapsing on him, just because it's comfortable..
So, he wants me to tie him up etc, and I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions for things I could buy. Not just to tie him up, but to do 'nice/naughty' things to him :P
Also any tips of what to do movement-wise etc?
I really don't enjoy being on top, but he usually does all or at least most of the work and I don't want him to think I can't be bothered etc.
(We're camping a bit at the moment, and sex in a tent, especially with people around, turns me on-anything I can do/use in a tent?? :P)
There's nothing to say that tying him up means it has to be uncomfortable or you! If you get plenty of rope you could tie him up in any manner of positions - standing up, sitting on a chair, bent over, legs apart - whatever you want! Just let your imagination run wild and think to yourself "what position best suits me?" For example, with him tied to a chair you could sit back on him. Now that's gotta be comfortable for you!
If I were you I'd buy some classic fantasy stuff like a black basque and high heals. Elbow length black gloves and a whip added to the set will really make his eyes pop!
Adopt a stern tone and dont be afraid to order him around. taking control is the key - you have to sound and feel in control.
Just do what you want. Plan it first. And use the experience to stretch his boundaries a little. He may say he doesn't want to be spanked, but do try a few slaps on his ass. He probably will like it really, especially if you're telling him to obey.
Tease him first with a vibrator, make him lick you, make him beg to be fucked. Get him worked up and you'll be amazed how his mind will open up to all sorts of new experiences! By the way - despite what some guys say, anal play feels good for all of us. Try that vibrator around his ass when he's tied
If it is your first time, you may want to blindfold him. It takes off some of the pressure you'll be feeling to be 'on'--you can fumble a bit while still maintaining the persona. :)
Thanks. My main problem is that being in control. Everything else, fine. I'll get all dressed up, I've started generally slipping in some comments and teasing him that way, it's just actually BEING in control of the sex... I always feel like I'm not meeting up to his expectations because he KNOWS what feels good and can do whatever he wants to do when on top, for the best feelings etc..
I suppose getting a chair might be a very good idea. I've never really properly considered it. Thanks ^_^
Problem with the blindfold, blindfolds don't sit right on his nose, so he can always see at least a little bit. I wonder if getting a bit of material/scarf might work better..
Hmm, I'll just see what I can do. I just need to think I'm in control, then I will be.. Hopefully :P
He's also one of those people who you can't be sure he'll appreciate things. I bought a couple of things from Ann Summers, lingerie-wise but he wasn't so turned on by them. Says it was the setting, I looked great etc, he just didn't think it felt right 'wasting' those feelings in his tiny little room.
Hmmmmm...
The second item, the second time went a bit better. He might be overwhelmed if I go TOO far with the dressing up.
And just a hint of his personality which makes this kind of thing a little awkward/difficult. He's used a vibrator in his ass before and said it felt 'weird' he was getting himself off at the same time... I asked if it was weird in a pleasurable way and he said "I dunno, just weird..." But then he went on to do it a couple more times, and had the same reply expect more just the 'dunno' part. I know it MUST feel good to him, I just don't understand why he can't admit that.
Same with porn, I'm really open to porn etc, but he just WON'T look at it, or won't let himself be turned on if I'm anywhere nearby.
Meh, I might be over sensitive, but I just find it weird how he can be so closed about that sort of thing. Yet with actually doing stuff to me...He's not that bothered...
hey night_kd, dont take this the wrong way but i think your man lacks confidence, or jus seems shy! maybe he's had bad experience with kinky stuf wiv ex's and doesnt want the same thing for you guys? maybe he wants u to be dominant so that the pressure is off his performance??? :)
i love being in control,once i start i don,t want to stop,i love it when i,m riding him and at the same time moving my body as if you were using a hulu hoop,with my hand around his neck,telling him this b is going to f him good and proper,or my legs around his neck, pulling him to me,the splits ,as i know he loves that one,so go for night kd ,get the whip out and don,t stop,GO WITH THE FLOW,
As for the blindfold issue, I have some pieces of satin I keep especially for that, wrapped all the way around the head and brought back to the front to tie a soft knot right over the nose, holds the fabric firmly in place over the eyes.
It does sound like your guy is lacking confidence and sapping yours when it comes to experimenting... maybe you should gag him too and REALLY do what you want ;-) he he.
If you do make sure there is an indicator he can use to stop.
My husband was vanilla too but has slowly been corrupted by me over the years, but the big key is communication and 'dunno' doesn't cut it, he needs to open up more from the sound of it.
Is he willing to write down fantasies or desires when he can't say them? sometimes it is easier. Also whipping and spanking doesn't have to be painful and I have never found a guy that doesn't love the feel of nails running down him.
well i think this is a good thread I am in a similar position myself having become very new to being Dom, iwas so afraid of disappointing my partner. Even though its been done before, sometimes i feel the need for a huge confidence boost or some dutch courage before I can think of switching from sub.
You cant force it but id like to think im pretty good at it now!
I used to be very Domme with my ex, but i think that actually (as cruel as it may sound) was easy for me, as i didnt really like him too much, lol, but now, my OH wants me to be Domme, and i find myself shying away, and being afraid of "doing something wrong"
