I have benenin a relationship for 3 years with an amazing man...he is so willing to please me and has opened my eyes to great sex, beign truly loved and valued but there is one slight issue we have, this is he can at be unable to cum inside me.
He was with his ex-partner for 16 years in all and she would never "allow " him to come inside her unless she was trying to get pregnat with their 2 children. Apprantly she could not use any form of contraception except the withdrawl method..odd I know.
I have the coil fitted so no issues with contaception and I love him cuming inside me but sometimes he really feels he can't...we can have the most mind blowing sex and yet he can have an issue cuming inside me.
I understand after 16 years of not being "allowed to" it must play havoc with his psyche to then be "allowed" to do this but I would love to be able to tackle this.
I want him to have the full sense of satisfaction I have and I worry sometimes he doesn't.
I was wondering if anyone else has this sort of issue.
I can say that even though I've had the snip there is still a part of me that feels less relaxed coming inside my wife as I really really do not want to go through it all again with another child.
Its not a concious thing but I think this is why I often prefer oral as its stress free from that POV but it does make the OH miffed at times
My friends man was kind of conditioned into not cumming in her. It took a while befor he found it comfortable/acceptable. She started by letting him cum on her tits, over time... moving down to cumming on her pussy but not in her, until he felt it was ok, so to speak. Sometimes it's nothing more than a habbit. other times it's fear. Biggest tip... talk to him, find a way to take the pressure off you both. :) I hope you both find a middle ground or something that works for you :)
I think it is def fear with him tbh...his ex partner is a very controlling person....if he did anything "wrong " it would result in her crying, screaming and generally freaking out. to my ex.
I am very different person to her and i gues it takes time to work out old habits. I know there are issues from my past relationship I still struggle with even though my OH is so different.
We do talk and have a very open and honest relationship and in ever aspect our live together is so good.
I just want to make him feel as good as I do.
Bigboppa Thank you it helps to know this can be a real issue for men as neither of us want more chilldren and I guess him finding out his ex is now pregnant again is maybe making him concerned it could happen to us...something neither of us want as our family really is complete.
This happens to me (or, rather doesn't!) as well sometimes. I'm not sure whether it's a physical or psychological issue. If I focus on staying hard without cumming for an extended period, then I often find it very difficult to cum inside my wife at the end. This happens more now that my wife has learnt to be multi-orgasmic, so that I try to keep myself useful to her for as long as possible. By the time that we're both ready to finish, I often feel tired and somewhat numb, and nothing happens even though I still seem physically up for it.
It's not a big deal for us -- sometimes my wife plays with me afterwards as an extra reward (which usually does the trick), or if she has no energy left and I'm still feeling pent-up then I might administer some self-relief.
I'd say try to take the pressure off entirely. Let him no there are absolutely no worries and he is completely in control. Mix your "normal" sex with plenty of intimate and relaxing sessions with him on top - he can be in control and tell him to stop whenever he feels ready and you'll finish him by hand or mouth. Maybe make sure you orgasm early on in the session so he doesn't feel guilty when he stops and just see how things go - maybe encourage him to pull out just before coming and coming on your body or on a towel. Eventually there'll come a time when he's so close to coming and so relaxed that he'll feel happy to orgasm. But don't take it personally if he never manages - some people are happy not to orgasm and that's fine - I orgasm probably once a week if that, but we have sex every other day! The OH is fine with that because that's just how I am. The way you describe the situation makes it seem that he would like to get to a position where he can orgasm so it's worth working on things gradually but take the pressure off as it won't help things at all :) any pressure may make the situation a lot worse!
Adx
Thank you all x
Everything that has been said makes perfect sense...cuddly i am very orgasmic and I mentioned your response to myOH and he said this is often what he does...he has assured me today if he ever felt he was missing something or slightly frustrated he would tell me but he feels all we do is amazing and well this morning proved it lol
I will def relax about this now and enjoy all that we have instad of maybe looking for an issue that is clearly not there.
Big hugs all round xxx