My Reviews

[For_Your_Eyes_Only_x]

by @For_Your_Eyes_Only_x, 03/02/24
Lovehoney Satin Romance Black Open-Back Pearl Crotchless Knickers

Pearlfect

First things first, with a size 12 booty, I found these One Sized knickers fit really well: very comfortable, no digging in, and the option to adjust with the little sliders at the back allows for a little more, or less, room.

The deep purple satin is beautiful and is perfectly complimented by the black scalloped lacing which follows the hips around and frames the bum. I love how it’s all presented so delicately.

The pearl thong is a very interesting component, and one I haven’t actually experienced before. I’m used to wearing thongs and the feeling isn’t too unfamiliar. The pearls continue to the crotch of the knickers, although aren’t noticeable from a front view. I like this though; it’s subtle but sexy. The pearls are on a piece of elasticated material and although it hasn’t happened (yet), I do have visions of it pinching… however that’s a risk I’m willing to take because I really enjoy how these knickers look and feel!

The knickers are made to a really high standard, and they certainly look it too. Aside from the central panel of satin, the rest is elasticated. Although they look dainty and delicate in places, I’m able to stretch the knickers without concern of causing damage.

I enjoy the idea of wearing them out under my normal clothes, unbeknownst to everybody else that I’m wearing something so simple yet so sexy and stimulating underneath. A matching bra, stockings and heels would also look incredible.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: colours, materials, the pearl thong, quality.

Cons: nothing!

Bottom Line: “so simple yet so sexy and stimulating!”

[JoCat]

Breaker

[For_Your_Eyes_Only_x]

by @For_Your_Eyes_Only_x, 24/02/24
Lovehoney Midnight Dream Red Bustier Set

Beautiful!

I’m not often baffled by lingerie, but upon pulling this set out of its packaging and being faced with a mass of straps, this was one of them! Luckily I had the stock photo to go off of and managed to navigate my way through a number of straps and ties and pulled the bustier into all the right places.

The bustier is One Size and this is reflected in the multiple adjustable sliders throughout the bustier and the thong, as well as all materials having an element of elasticity. At 5ft 6, size 10/36C on top and 12 bottoms, the set sits very well on me; no digging in, nothing is loose, and I adjusted the pieces to my desired snugness.

I adore the combination of the red mesh and lace split into panels, especially divided by the band across the waist that cinches the body in and adds a degree of shaping.

The bust isn’t underwired but my boobs feel secure within the cups. I haven’t had to use the central fastening but this can be undone if you want to reveal a little more. The fastening is gold and matches all the other rings and sliders which add a subtle pop amongst the cherry red.

The garters are, thankfully, detachable. This makes putting them on/taking them off a whole lot easier, albeit can be fiddly to do so. I did try and put the garters on without removing them first and all this lingerie became was a trip hazard! Oops. I carry weight in my thighs and don’t often like how they look with stockings etc, so I was glad to see the garters are adjustable. This stopped them from being too restrictive. Because they’re removable, you can alternatively swap them out for a pair of stockings. A red or nude pair match wonderfully with the set.

The thong follows suit with the rest of the set; it matches, it’s comfortable and it’s lenient in sizing. It also provides a rather lovely view of the back and bum, adorned by a number of criss-crosses and straps.

It’s just beautiful.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: colour, materials, sizing, detailing

Cons: nothing!

Bottom Line: an incredibly sexy piece of lingerie!

[For_Your_Eyes_Only_x]

by @For_Your_Eyes_Only_x, 24/02/24
Lovehoney Midnight Dream Red Bra Set

A dream.

This is a bra set that has it all, from an abundance of straps to garters, to lace and mesh and the most beautiful cherry red you’ll ever wear.

The set is comprised of three pieces: the bra, the thong and the suspender/garter belt. Upon pulling them out of the packaging, it’s best to lie them down and get an idea of how they’d sit on your body otherwise you’re faced with a mass of straps and confusion. I received the One Size set, and I’m a 36C/size 10 on top and have no issues around the sizing of the bra (or the rest of the set to be honest, with a size 12 booty and carrying weight in my thighs). To put on, I undid the front fastening, put my arms through and secured again, however I’m sure you can pull this on over your head and shimmy into place. The bra isn’t underwired however the band sits snug against my body and my boobs remain secure. I love the racerback style straps that cross over at the back; they also help give a little uplift and can be adjusted if necessary.

The thong and the suspender belt follow the same theme: strappy, lacy and incredibly sexy.

I adjusted the sliders on the thong to their loosest fit to prevent the straps digging into my hips, and it looks very inviting underneath the suspender belt. The subtle gold accents of the fastenings, rings and sliders pair perfectly against the red, which in-turn compliments my pale skin tone.

I really enjoy the image of the garters and how they appear alongside the set, although I’m glad they’re detachable as this set is easily pairable with a pair of stockings; nude or a matching red are my pick. I also appreciate the garters being adjustable as I don’t like how restrictive some pieces can be on my thighs and how this presents, so to have them sat comfortably and not digging in is quite refreshing.

Overall, a really beautiful, comfortable, and detailed set!

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: colour, materials, sizing, detailing

Cons: nothing!

Bottom Line: a very sexy and versatile set

[PKH]

by @PKH, 07 April 2024
ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator

Fun Design but Lacking Power

I LOVE the design of this clitoral suction vibrator. The bright and colorful lipstick design is really fun, and the capped end makes it really easy to store away or toss in my purse to bring along! Apart from the aesthetic design, my favorite things about this toy have been that it is very ergonomic and easy to hold while in use and that the head opening is quite large, so I didn’t have to worry about the fit or seal breaking!

I already have the Womanizer Premium, so I was really excited to try this smaller version to see how it would compare in performance. The biggest pro for me has been that the ROMP takes up less space while in use, so it’s much easier to have penetrative sex while using it than with the womanizer! But unfortunately, power-wise, it did not measure up. It has 7 intensity levels, but even at the higher levels, the sensation was very faint, comparable to the lowest levels on the Womanizer. While the Womanizer always brings me to a strong climax, the ROMP alone has not been able to get me there, so I’ll be planning to use it as more of a foreplay toy to get in the mood before switching to a more powerful toy. I imagine this toy would be a better fit for someone who is more sensitive to clitoral stimulation.

A few other notes: I was surprised how quiet it is! While it is small, it does still have some weight to it, making it feel like a quality toy. It’s very easy to clean and has been holding its charge for me quite well. And it’s waterproof! I haven’t had the circumstances to use it in the tub yet but looking forward to it!

Overall Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Pros: Quiet, ergonomic design, wide head, discreet, travel friendly.

Cons: The highest intensity levels were not stimulating enough for me.

Bottom Line: Really fun design, but would only recommend for those who want really gentle clitoral stimulation.

[RacyRosalee]

by @RacyRosalee, 17/04/24
System JO Strawberry Kiss Flavoured Lubricant 30ml

Great Taste, Awful Bottle

I bought a couple of bottles of this lube specifically for giving my OH head, as I’m not a huge fan of the taste, and wanted flavoured lube as a means of easing myself into it, and rewiring my brain to like it.

I don’t mind the artificial strawberry flavour, it’s strong enough that I can manage the job just fine, but my issue stems from the bottle itself

There’s a huge difference between the 30ml bottles and the larger range, and that’s the hardness of the plastic.

This bottle makes it so ridiculously hard to squeeze, that getting enough lube out has the potential of me either breaking or dislocating a finger.

I feel like there was a better option, but unfortunately I’m left with 2 bottles that aren’t very accessible, which leaves me with very little desire to want to use them.

I’ve ordered the same brand, different flavour, in the 60ml, and those bottles are so much easier to squeeze (still not easy, but far easier), and it leaves me questioning why make the squeeze a requirement in the 30ml when it’s such a hard plastic to squeeze?

I’m only 25, but I’m chronically ill/disabled, especially in my hands, and as my condition has declined over the last 4 months, I’m really starting to notice how inaccessible some designs really are.

I do however, really like their label designs, just please fix the bottles!

Pros: The label and the taste

Cons: The bottle is impossibly hard to squeeze!

Bottom Line: Great taste, just super inaccessible bottle with hard plastic to squeeze, buy the 60ml lines instead

	(Out of 5)
Performance
Quality
Pleasure
Value
Overall Rating

[For_Your_Eyes_Only_x]

by @For_Your_Eyes_Only_x , 15/04/24
Lovehoney Fierce Wet Look Zip-Around Leggings

Sexy.

I have a pair of wet look leggings from a clothing store but they do not come close to this pair whatsoever. In fact, my LH pair now hang proudly in my wardrobe (as opposed to my lingerie drawers and rails) so they can be to hand on a day-to-day basis, I adore them that much.

I received the leggings in a Medium, although not without apprehensions about not being able to fit in them, with size 12-14 generally fitting me best. Some wet look material can be quite stiff and that’s what I imagined these would be however I was very pleasantly surprised. The material is relatively thin however is also very stretchy, super accommodating, and the waistband is thick and comfortable. Size medium actually turned out perfectly.

Although the material is thin, it can be stretched and pulled and currently shows no sign of wear despite a number of wears for prolonged periods of time.

The lining is soft against the skin, while the zip has a somewhat protective layer of material beneath it to prevent catching the skin (I don’t even want to imagine!). The zip goes literally back to front (or front to back) and is very easy to use with the ring being big enough to get a decent grip.

The wet look adds a rather complimentary and inviting shine to the booty, as well as the thighs and hips, and the zip just begs to be undone.

It was really fun to experiment with how these can be worn; I tried them on with a variety of jumpers, band tees, vest tops and bralettes for an “outerwear” look, then alternatively with next-to-nothing or a pretty bra and heels for a “bedroom” look. They work so well for both!

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: comfort, sizing, stretch, material, overall look

Cons: Nothing!

Bottom Line: versatile and incredibly sexy!

[RacyRosalee]

by @RacyRosalee, 20/04/24
Lovehoney Dream Wand Rechargeable Mini Massage Wand Vibrator

Impressive little gift!

I got this as part of a free gift promo that LH was running a little while back, figured an extra wand wouldn’t hurt (it was this or a prostate massager, which I nor OH are interested in). I already had a mains, but sometimes don’t want to mess around with cords, and having something a little weaker would be great at times.

I was very glad to see the lack of plastic packaging. Just a nice basic designed cardboard box, and straightforward instructions.

The wand didn’t take long to charge at all, and the operation was fairly simplistic. It has a range of levels and patterns, so it’s super versatile.

One thing that I absolutely loved was the colour changing led LH heart that coordinated with different patterns! It’s so perfect in being able to remember which patterns are your favourites by simply remembering which colour they are.

I was super surprised with how well this managed to make me finish. It’s quicker than my mains, and paired with my OH, can just bring me back-to-back bliss.

I would have liked to see it come with its own bag, rather than having to purchase one, as it’s getting more difficult telling which toy is which when the bags are all the same.

The material is a soft touch silicone, and the handle is arched and ribbed, which, although helps with grip, doesn’t do much if there’s lube or liquids present on the handle. I found it was sometimes a little difficult to keep hold of.

We now reach for this before our mains wand, simply due to the convenience and surprising power it has!

Pros: The coloured LED that corresponds to different pattern settings!

Cons: When things get slippery, it’s hard to keep hold of

Bottom Line: A wonderful addition to our regularly used collection

	(Out of 5)
Design
Orgasm Rating
Quiet
Ease of Use
Value
Quality
Vibration Strength
Overall Rating

[RacyRosalee]

by @RacyRosalee, 20/04/24
Lovehoney Fantasy Desert Princess Costume

Gorgeous Outfit, Frustrating Sizing

I originally bought this gorgeous outfit in the 18-22, and despite it being my usual size, the skirt was so incredibly loose, even after I altered it, that it hung down more at my hips than my waist, which didn’t look flattering at all.

After some (unhealthy) weightloss, I decided to order it again the 8-16, and whilst the skirt fit perfectly, the tiny mesh triangles in the top are definitely not meant for big busts.

So after negotiating between the two sets, I found myself fitting perfectly in a 8-16 skirt and the 18-22 top at my current size, which kinda discourages me from buying OS sets, as I’d need both sizes to make a functional outfit.

But, upon mixing the sizing, this outfit could not be more perfect. My OH, a massive Star Wars fan, was livid when they could only view it from a galaxy far, far away whilst we were long distance on their birthday. Upon surprising them with it in person, I can safely say it’s a winner.

The soft mesh is light, and not scratchy in anyway, which is perfect for the hot Aussie days and nights. The thong, although built into the skirt, is also surprisingly soft, so much that I barely noticed it, and could even be moved to the side by my OH for access without having to remove the skirt.

The cuffs didn’t get any use, not only do they seem a little flimsy, they’re incredibly large, and don’t fit my wrists at all. My wrists measure about 15.5cm around, so if you’re around that size, these cuffs won’t fit. I plan on getting some that will however, so that’s no issue.

The colours are honestly perfect! I love the deep red/purple tone of the mesh, and it works well with the gold tone material.

I just wish that I didn’t have to mix and match the two sizes to get something that fits me, but now I have my perfect size, it’s definitely here to stay.

Product size: Both 8-16 & 18-22

Pros: How soft the mesh is against my skin

Cons: That I had to buy two different sizes to mix and match top and skirt for the perfect fit

Bottom Line: A gorgeous outfit that’s perfect for surprising your Star Wars loving OH!

	(Out of 5)
Design
Value
Quality
Fit
Sexiness
Overall Rating

[For_Your_Eyes_Only_x]

by @For_Your_Eyes_Only_x, 20/04/24
Lovehoney Lace Silhouette Corset

Corset Queen!

Despite an abundance of lingerie and the longest love affair with Lovehoney, this is my first corset!

As a size 10/12 and size 36C boobs, I received this in a Medium. Upon arrival, the corset already had a little bow secured within the ribbon at the back. I looked at it and it looked like it would give plenty of room, so I undid the zip at the front and attempted to put the corset on but nope! Too small. I adjusted, tried, then adjusted… and tried again, until I had it at its loosest. It fit! I would happily size up in order to get a nice bow secured at the back, however it does fit as a Medium, and for a vast majority of the time I am alone when trying on new lingerie and extra hands would be needed for anything more than a Medium!

The overall look of the corset is just divine. It’s classically beautiful as it cinches in the waist and provides a rather complimentary uplift to the chest. The boning adds structure and shaping and, although uncomfortable when sitting down, is easy to wear otherwise. The cups are lined and slightly padded, although the snugness of the corset will give as much uplift as you desire.

The purple satin and the black lace compliment each other wonderfully, topped off (literally) with the black frills that draw attention to the overspilling cleavage. The front zip also adds to the look while providing an element of sex appeal (just imagine the striptease…) and practicality (so easy!).

The build quality of the corset is incredible. The materials, together, are thick and durable and can withstand plenty of tugging and adjusting. The finish is clean and tidy too, and every component appears to be high quality.

When I first tried the corset on, it was with plain black high waisted leggings and these matched perfectly. I later tried it with a pair of wet look leggings, and then a simple black thong. All pair really well together for a mix of bedroom and out-of-the-bedroom looks. The choker that comes with the corset gives a nice finish to the look, although fishnets, heels and more frills are added to the shopping list.

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Pros: colour, materials, structure, zip

Cons: would appreciate a bit more leniency in the sizing

Bottom Line: Gorgeous! Reminds me of burlesque/cabaret shows!

[For_Your_Eyes_Only_x]

by @For_Your_Eyes_Only_x, 23/04/24
Lovehoney Lustrous Lace Sheer Black Body

Effortlessly Glam

You can’t go wrong with a black lace bodysuit, let alone a bodysuit with baby pink detailing, a plunging neckline, and the most beautiful shimmery edging.

At size 10/12, 36C and 5ft6, I received the One Size body. Most importantly, I found no issues with the sizing whatsoever! I adjusted the shoulder straps ever so slightly to enable a snugger fit across the chest, but aside from that the bodysuit sat comfortably, the materials have a generous amount of stretch, and the straps and waistband are all adjustable if required.

I adore the combination of black lace and the light pink details, particularly the shimmery edging to the neckline, back, hips and bum! The lace provides coverage however doesn’t entirely hide the nipples from view if that’s what you’re wanting.

From the back it’s just as beautiful. The back plunges too, and the straps cross over. The hips sit quite high and reveal plenty of bum, however its framed by the gorgeous scalloped edging and looks absolutely delicious!

The bodysuit boasts a poppered crotch but so far I haven’t had reason to undo it as I can easily slip out of the body, pulling it all down, however if you were to wear the body as outerwear and all dressed up, the poppers may be easier to use, or for bedroom play of course…

I paired simply with a pair of strappy black heels. I felt, looked and oozed confidence. It’s a beautiful piece of lingerie!

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: colours, detailing, fit, shape

Cons: nothing!

Bottom Line: feminine, elegant and simple.

[Peitho]

by @Peitho , 5th May 2024
Lovense Vulse App Controlled Thrusting and Vibrating Love Egg

Not for Public Play but has alternative Pleasure Powers

This toy certainly has a lot of thrusting power but it also has a lot of volume to match. It is by far my noisiest egg and sadly not suitable for play with my OH out and about. In a loud club you could get away with it but for a trip around your local supermarket, forget it. The lady picking out her perfect cucumber a couple of aisles over will know exactly what’s going on in your underwear. It is a thrusting toy rather than just vibrations, though, and I have never found a quiet thrusting toy, so this is not overly unexpected.

The Vulse is well made, it is high quality and very flexible silicone so I have no fear that the section covering the thrusting motion is going to give out any time soon. It is also an absolute breeze to clean being fully waterproof.

The controls are excellent, I will get onto the app shortly but firstly, even without the app, it is wonderfully designed. The button to turn it on and switch through the main strengths and patterns is at the end, yes, that’s right, the end of the tale so you don’t need to take it out to switch it on and off or change setting. Hooray, and a first for me in terms of eggs! In addition, the Bluetooth connection to the Vulse is also external to the main body of the egg so the connection to the app is perfect. It has not dropped the connection to my phone once during use, unlike the We-Vibe Bloom, which, as soon as inserted, sees my vagina as a Faraday Cage and stops the Bluetooth connection pretty much dead! Full marks to the Vulse here then.

The Lovense app is insane, it does sooooo much. I have certainly not got around to using all the features within the discover tab but I can see why Lovense toys are very popular with cam workers set up for clients to control the toys remotely or for those who want interactions with strangers online. I haven’t used these features but everything else in the app works extremely well so I don’t see any reason these wouldn’t too. The parts I and my OH have mainly concentrated on are the traditional and loop features and the patterns because these are sufficient for what we want. I have also played with the music setting, which is easy to do, linking to music stored on my phone but I didn’t find this feature great as I think thrusting toys are harder to combine that regular vibrations. Within the discover tab, there are also free pattern downloads, within which, I would definitely recommend the Lovense Official, “Oh My Gush”.

There are so many more features in the app from AI control interacting with videos to somehow interacting with Games. It’s quite confusing, but if you’re a techy you’ll have a plethora of features to explore and if you’re not, then the basic controls are easy to work out and stick with without needing to delve into complicated menus. I would recommend you allow the app use of floating menus as this makes navigation and switching between features really easy.

Anyway, onto use. As I have said, this is my first egg not for use out and about which was, initially, disappointing as eggs have never been powerful enough for me to do a lot, other than, warm me up with the thrill of public play ahead of the main show back home. However, this has proved not a problem with the Vulse as it turns out this has many uses up it’s (or my) sleeve. Firstly, for solo pleasure, insert the Vulse for completely hands free G-spot thrusting stimulation and set to work on your clit. Honestly, in combination with the Womanizer Next this is a truly leg tingling affair and one I will certainly repeat regularly. Secondly, for added pleasure during anal sex, insert the Vulse and have your partner take you from behind. The pressure from his penis restricts space and focusses the action more firmly on my G-spot and the vibrations and movement add to the thrill and sensation for both of us. It might not be the longest session but it’s very enjoyable. These are my top two suggestions and I definitely recommend you give them both a go.

Charging - I did have some charging issues with the Vulse. The magnets in the charger are weak, in comparison, for example, to the We-vibe chargers. Initially, however, once carefully positioned, it did exactly as it should, the light came on to charge and went off once fully charged. When I came to use it again the app told me the battery was less than 5%. Fair enough, however, when I plugged it into the charger, no light came on however I positioned the plug, occasional flash but it wouldn’t stay on. I eventually gave up and just left it connected but unlit. When I disconnected it from the charger, and connected it to the app again, I was delighted to find it had fully charged back to 100% with no problem. In retrospect, I think the battery level when first connected to the app is inaccurate and it is better to give it time to properly sync. A full charge takes less than an hour from flat and the lights now do as they should again. I would prefer a flashing light when charging that remains lit once charged as is more common though to avoid worry at a lack of light.

Finally, while for ease of use, having the controls situated at the end of the tale is great, if you are brave enough, or in a loud enough venue, to use the Vulse publicly then wearing it under underwear can be uncomfortable. The tale is stiffer than a regular retrieval cord which can smart when bent forward. A small price to pay for perfect, uninterrupted app control though.

In conclusion, the Vulse is great and very versatile and I would definitely recommend it for both solo and couple play, as long as the audible volume is not too much of an issue for you. Not ideal for public play in quiet settings or if you live in a house with paper thin walls and inquisitive housemates.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: Great app connection, powerful thrusting, an excellent addition to the toy box.

Cons: Too loud for everyday public play.

Bottom Line: Great for unobstructed, powerful combination play either solo or as an added element during anal sex.

[For_Your_Eyes_Only_x]

by @For_Your_Eyes_Only_x, 28/04/24
Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen Rechargeable Clitoral Wand Stimulator

Pulse, Pressure and Power Queen

Upon arrival, the Pulse Queen comes in a rather beautifully decorated box, matching the colours of the toy. It’s simple but informative with photos, facts (and a spelling error I can’t unsee!). Inside, the toy is accompanied by a charging cable, user guide/manual, and a storage bag. The guide is simple enough to understand with diagrams depicting use.

The toy is predominantly a green silicone. It’s smooth, it’s easy to clean, and it’s gentle against the body. At 7inches in length there’s plenty of room to hold and grip on to, and it’s ergonomically designed to hug the body. If you want to go hands-free, you can! There’s plenty of toy to grip between your thighs or rest wherever you like and lean on to comfortably.

Charging is easy, and the toy pulses a blue light to indicate charging. 150 minutes of charge time results in 40 minutes of play time – I can’t complain as I don’t often have long sessions, so this means a few sessions of play before fully charging again.

To power on, a 2 second press of the main button will get things pulsing! The same goes for powering off.

For all the Power Queens out there, you can’t really go wrong. There are 9 speeds, with the lowest already being quite powerful, and the highest being somewhat indescribable! I settle comfortably in the middle, around 4 or 5, while 8 and 9 leave me numb and tingly after a short while of use.

There are 7 vibration modes that you can flick through with a simple press of the main button. They vary from stop/starts to quick pulses to increases and decreases to waves but I always prefer a steady rumble if I’m looking to orgasm. It’s fun to experiment with all the modes though, especially when increasing the speed. Again, this is basic enough to operate, simply using the + and – buttons on the toy. They’re easy to distinguish in the heat of the moment without having to look!

The Queen is in no way discrete! With an increase in intensity comes an increase in noise, and boy is it loud. There is no chance of muffling, unless you whack the TV volume right up (and I mean… right up).

With too much pressure, the toy does just come to a halt and stops pulsing regardless of what setting it’s on. Understandable considering the mechanics of it however frustrating if, like me, you like that pressure.

The toy is also waterproof, and although I haven’t yet used it in the bath or shower, I can imagine it will be very fun and something I am very much looking forward to…

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Pros: colour, design, concept, materials, ease of use

Cons: noisy! can’t handle too much pressure

Bottom Line: beginner friendly to power queen heaven!

[For_Your_Eyes_Only_x]

by @For_Your_Eyes_Only_x, 18/05/24
Milk Chocolate-Flavoured Body Pen 40g

Draw-ful.

Now I’m one for reading reviews prior to purchasing an item, and not one prepared me for quite what to expect.

The packaging is basic, informative, and alludes to a “Draw it on, lick it off” simplicity, so with much excitement we unpacked the pen, then the fun and games began.

We removed the cap (and our clothes) and attempted to start drawing, however to our dismay, nothing! With a lot of shaking, rolling, twisting, swearing, and more vigour than we’ve ever exerted into our sex life, still, nothing happened.

After some close inspection and a thorough investigation, we noticed there was a small blockage where the chocolate had solidified at the tip. Out came the manicure set to dislodge said solidified chocolate, then we settled back down to resume play (or now affectionately referred to as “the mission”).

With one firm, over-compensated squeeze, off popped the tip (with a rather satisfying pop), followed by a questionable looking expulsion of chocolate… straight down my thigh. After many laughs, and equally as many comparisons of what it looked like sat on my leg, we put the tip back on, and with a gentler squeeze resumed play (again). We were much more successful this time and had plenty of fun drawing on each others bodies.

The pen itself drew quite clearly and was easy to use with a gentle squeeze. The taste? It was ok, although it’s not something you’ll be consuming in large quantities. The consistency was relatively thick and required a good couple of licks to remove all from the skin. This kept us going back for more!

All in all, a very good laugh, although maybe not as sexual as we thought it would be.

Overall Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Pros: novelty, the laughs, the concept, taste was ok!

Cons: difficulty to use initially

Bottom Line: probably a one-time use item, however lots of fun despite the initial frustration.

[Bearjamin]

by @Bearjamin, 15/04/24
Fantasy Cyclone Silicone Alien Vagina Stroker

Nova!

Whats this? Finally a fantasy toy for penises?! Sign me up! With all those fleshy lights out there, if you’re going to give me a disembodied vajay, it my as well be the nethers of an alien hottie. The blue love tunnel makes me think of Liara of the Asari race from Mass Effect. Or should I say ‘Mass Erect’, amiright?!

When I first got the toy out the box, my first impression was, this stroker is chunky! It’s a great big honking slab of moulded silicone with with impressively thick walls. It gives the toy a nice weighty feel and is very satisfying to hold. The material is so thick and sturdy I have no fear of needing to be delicate with it. Despite this, the material is also very nice and squishy. It also almost has a sticky feel, but leaves no residue. I gave it a good slap and it jiggled back in a satisfying way.

Firstly I set out with an exploratory finger inside to map out all the internal textures. I immediately found a longer ridged bumpy section, some dots around the walls, a snaking tight narrowing and then opening up to a chamber at the end with lots of bumps and dots. It felt like an exciting design to be sure, but there was only one way to find out!

I set my phaser to ‘fun’ and and generously lubed up. I’m a big fan of cum lube, which I pumped inside the stroker and found it pretty hot seeing it drip and pool near the entrance like a cream pie. I pushed my spaceship inside and the stroker had a satisfying resistance and tightness. I found the textures near the entrance had a perfectly placed section to rub and tease my sensitive underside. I hovered here for a while, slowly stroking and enjoying the sensations.

Next, I ventured deeper and it felt a little tighter. I bottomed out at the end and could feel the final chamber and all its dots caressing the head of my lap rocket. The feeling of being fully engulfed by hot alien, dripping cum lube down my shaft was getting intense. I engaged thrusters and slammed my salami into warp drive, finally exploding past the event horizon, crossing that point of no return into a supernova of bliss.

This stroker is outside the norm and a really fun ride. If all alien puss is like this, then beam-me-up Scotty, because I don’t want to live on this planet anymore! I love the design, colour and internal textures. If you want an exciting close encounter of the ‘O’ kind I’d highly recommend it!

Overall Rating:

Pros: More than your run-of-the-mill masturbator.

Cons: N/A

Bottom Line: Sci-fi fun that’s actually great, and not a gimmick.

[Bearjamin]

by @Bearjamin, 10/05/24
Blowmotion Warming and Pulsing Male Masturbator

Good, but not the best.

I tried to like it, but it wasn’t quite as satisfying as hoped.

The design of the toy is very nice. It’s in keeping with the rest of the Blowmotion line of toys. Smooth black outer casing, convenient magnetic charging contacts, IPX4 splashproof for easy cleaning. It’s got a lid to close it up and a travel lock too to avoid accidental button presses.

My first impression on seeing the opening to the sleeve of the toy was that it seems a bit too wide open and inflexible. It’s not got the same soft feel of other masturbation sleeves, although it’s not claiming to be one so maybe it’s unfair to compare.

The toy’s warming function takes roughly 20 minutes to reach full temperature, so go make a cup of tea while you wait! The power button puts it in standby and also is used to cycle through vibration patterns. The other button activates the pulsing/tapping feature. Looking down the shaft you can see a circular area on the shaft wall. This is what delivers the tapping/pulsing. It’s like a plate that rapidly moves up and down. In fact this is exactly like my old Hot Octopus Pulse toy which broke, so nice to get that feature back.

The position of the pulse plate was at the perfect hight such that when fully inserted, it sits on the underside of the head. It’s a well targeted stimulus and I had fun cycling the patterns. The vibration mode is more of a whole shaft deal, rumbling your whole pole. The vibration is pretty strong and a nice deep rumble.

I was very surprised by the warming. I’ve had other toys with a warming feature before but they never really made much impact. I could hardly tell it was warm. This toy however gets very warm! The heat is very nice but it is only located around the very tip.

I had some fun with it but ultimately can’t say I’d recommend it. Personally, I think that the opening is too… open, if that makes sense. You don’t get the satisfying feel of pushing inside like a real hole, so to say. The vibrations are good but to get the full effect you have to just put your shaft in fully and just leave it there. It’s tapered inside, so it only fully contacts the shaft when fully inserted. I was getting the urge to use it like a stroker, but as soon as you move out of it by any amount, your suddenly not in contact with anything and not getting any stimulation. It’s a very inactive style toy. You just have to stick it on and lay still until it’s over. If it’s what you’re after, then I can say that the quality and design are nice, but for me I can’t see this toy getting much more use.

Overall Rating:

Pros: Good quality and design. Warming feature is really good.

Cons: Hard to reach inside to clean. Must be precisely placed to feel the vibrations.

Bottom Line: I have other toys I’d rather use.

[For_Your_Eyes_Only_x]

by @For_Your_Eyes_Only_x, 21/05/24
Lovehoney Vintage Bliss Ivory Bra Set (3 Piece)

Bridgerton Babe

As an owner, reviewer and lover of the Vintage Bliss body, I was excited to try this bra set! I found the body didn’t fit as well I’d have liked (although this was 2 years ago!), so there was a bit of skeptisim around the bra set. I needn’t have worried though; I can’t fault the sizing, the comfort, the design… nothing! I received this in size Medium, with my general sizing being 10 tops, 12 bottoms, 36C, and being 5ft6 tall.

The Vintage Bliss collection oozes elegance and sophistication while also serving pure sex appeal and come-to-bed vibes. The pink and white go effortlessly together, with the lace trim, the pearlescent buttons and the frills all adding that extra little something to the overall look.

The materials throughout are comfortable. They’re soft, they’re all stretchy, and every aspect has intricate detailing you can’t help but admire. The lace appears delicate in parts however can withstand a good pull and stretches over my body with ease.

The cups add a rather delicious boost to my chest. They’re firm and provide a good shape, as well as an uplift, while the underwire sits in place securely.
There’s a good amount of adjustability throughout the set. The shoulder straps can be adjusted (and are also very comfortable being so thick!), and the band has a number of hook & eyes to choose from. The thong is also adjustable, and stretchy, and to be most comfortable, I have it at its loosest. It still sits very close to my body, it just doesn’t dig in.

The suspender belt is a piece you just step into, although the amount of stretch it holds allows this quite easily. Sometimes when I don’t want to wear stockings, I’ll give the belt a miss as the straps aren’t detachable, but the set still looks beautiful without the addition of the belt! Plus, the set only really suits white or a light nude stocking so I must stock up!

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: Colours, materials, adjustability, boost, versatility

Cons: Nothing.

Bottom Line: Beautiful!

[For_Your_Eyes_Only_x]

by @For_Your_Eyes_Only_x, 11/06/24
Lovehoney Fierce Wet Look and Lace Zip-Up Bra

Fierce (but a little frustrating)

The Fierce range (tick), wet look, lace and mesh (tick), zips, straps and adjustable sliders (tick)… but it just doesn’t quite seem to work as well as it should for me personally.

The bra looks incredible. It has all the components I adore: the mix of materials, their placements, the halterneck straps, the fully functioning zip, and the overall adjustability. The entire piece provides great coverage while also allowing glimpses of skin through the mesh panels, and the back is almost open with just the thick adjustable straps. The silver details (zip, sliders and little links on the straps) add extra shine alongside the wet-look which already catches the eye with ease.

I received the bra in a size Medium as I have a 36C bust and usually fit into size 10/12 tops. The sizing is where I have my issue as the cups are a little too small and my boobs/chest/underarm area kind of podges out the side of them. It’s just too small on my body, as if my body is too wide. This in-turn makes it a little uncomfortable to wear. It still looks good from certain angles, but face (or boob)-on, not so much. On the upside, my boobs fill the cups out nicely and appear lifted despite there being no extra “push up” padding, so that’s a bonus, and the underwiring and boning support the piece well.

I paired the bra with the Fierce Wet Look and Lace Zip Up Skirt and the set certainly wows. A black pair of boots to match and you’re good to go!

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Pros: materials, details, overall look, adjustability.

Cons: sizing!

Bottom Line: Mostly a hit but a little bit of a miss around sizing.

[For_Your_Eyes_Only_x]

by @For_Your_Eyes_Only_x, 09/06/24
Lovehoney Fierce Wet Look and Lace Zip-Up Skirt

A Weakness for Wet-Look

The Fierce range has done it again; another smoking piece of lingerie that not only looks great but is comfortable, affordable, and can be dressed up/down and worn in or out.

I’m a size 12 bottoms, and I got this skirt in size Medium. No worries whatsoever around sizing as the entirety of the skirt is elasticated and would cater to a size up or down. The waistband also provides a good amount of stretch and is adjustable as well!

The combination of wet-look and mesh is the perfect match. It is sexy, a tease, and the cut of the mesh adds wonderful shaping to the hip area, let alone allowing eyes to wander. Wet-look bottoms are always a firm favourite; there’s just something about the way the light bounces off the curves. I also really like the small cut-out at the top of the skirt at the back; it’s a small detail but adds so much to the overall look of the piece.

The zip can be undone entirely which is not only very sexy while in the bedroom, but is also practical when dressing and undressing, and isn’t too fiddly either.

The skirt is short! I’m 5ft6 and it skims my bum if I wear it on my waist (which is most comfortable). Bending over is a risk if I don’t want anyone to see what’s underneath, and speaking of what’s underneath, I don’t choose to wear underwear with it due to the panels of mesh and the underwear being seen. A simple black thong or g-string may work but I personally choose to go without.

I paired the skirt with the matching bra from the Fierce range, along with a chunky black pair of heeled boots. Although I’m not quite brave enough, I feel it could be worn while out with a few extra layers.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: sizing, adjustability, colour, materials, the zip!

Cons: nothing!

Bottom Line: short, sexy and stylish!

[KinkyMira]

Break