Oh this is my first thread I think and I''m really just looking for a bit of commonsense.
So you meet someone in a highly charged environment. They woo you - no other word for it - straight up for 2 weeks. And eventually you make a snap decision - totally out of your adult character and meet up with this person who has been seriously full on. I'm not as free willed as I used to be, so this is a big deal for me. I can't stress enough how much this bloke was full on. clearly he just wanted a leg over and he got it. But we also had the most amazing day and night. Wasn't just sex at all. I felt it was a continuation of the last two weeks when we had been chatting for hours and so on. Half way through the night he went weird and since then it's clear he's a bit of a slut and either I didn't choose to see the signs before or was totally suckered. I fell for him though and while he's not ignored me totally since then (a month ago since we met up), I've not seen him since and get the odd text. He lives far away anyway so not bothered about the seeing bit.
This weekend, another one of his not mates but someone he knows that I met at the same time, starts emailing me - just general chat. Now this one you can tell a mile away is a player and doesn't make no bones about it. I like the honesty. He is helping me with finding somewhere to do something (not sexual). Anyway he SAYS he didn't know about me and the Mr SS (my little nickname for the first one) but I doubt this. This second one is sort of seeing two people I vaguely know. As things via text seem to do, its got a little smutty. And now I'm at a loss of what to do. Do I carry it on?
The adult in me kind of knows that I'll never get a repeat from Mr SS - as much as I quite like him. And I really don't want the second one as much as I do the first. But I dont want to come across as a tramp either....
The paranoid part of me wonders if the first one has asked the second one to do this so he doesn't have to deal with me. The adult in me, thinks I should grow up and start playing with men not boys. lol And the other bit in me thinks 'phoarrr, I'm a shallow sucker for a hot body'
I'm not really sure what advice I'm looking for here. Maybe some justification in my actions. Maybe a bit of justification to have a bit of fun. Maybe a few home truths to grow up! lol whatever you like.
Bearing in mind, I also have the ex who thinks once a month sessions are doing me a favour! And an old friend from school who promises to shag me senseless if and when I need it! lol And then I get these moments when I think oh hell I'm clearly just a body, use it while I've got it! lol Giving up on love, maybe concentrate on lust for a bit?
I'd bin the lot of them! I think you need to find yourself and decide what you want but with all of these men that are just flings or players you can;t do that. If you have some time without them all and the decide F**k it i just want a S**g that's fine but at the moment you don't know what you want. Take a step back from them all and think about what you really want, is it a relationship or just a bit of fun? Whatever you decide be happy!
Ditto that. It's a choice between them and these complications or the other zillion men out of there without this headache to contend with.
Thanks!! You're right, I have no idea what I want. I'm quite an emotional person and thought I'd got that all out of my system - but fell hard and fast for the ex after maintaining it would be a very special person who broke down the walls I had put up. He is still special to me but clearly doesn't want me in a relationship. It's easy to walk from the others, but not from him. He is the one that can make me so angry, I'm spitting bricks but can make me laugh like a drain 10 minutes later!
Wow, your post reads at a million miles per hour! very complicating life you got there girl! I couldn't be arsed with all that myself. Looking in from the outside i'd say drop the lot, they only want you for sex by the sounds of it and you are better than that MzBee! Take some time for yourself, gather your thoughts and I'm sure you will meet the right bloke without looking girl! You sound pretty young from your post so what's the rush? Take it easy. Best wishes whatever you decide. SG69 x
I would also suggest to leave the boys! If you want *just sex* have it with other like minded people (safely I might add) so noone gets hurt, not people that you 'kinda maybe could possibly like' - far too many chances for a messy ending.
As SG says, take it easy, what's the rush :) enjoy life one step as a time, but don't make anytime for losers who will take advantage of you!
You never know, you could find the man of your dreams just when you weren't looking :)
Ax
Thanks again for the advice.
Aaah SG - see it comes across I'm young, but in truth I'm old enough to know better! Lets just say I can be classed as a cougar if I spat them out! Which I don't. Reason it sounds so young is that I hid away in my 20's. Got burnt so badly at 24 after being quite a outgoing and confident young lady, then I hibernated until my early 30's - saw a bit of that confidence back and got myself together. Then got the ex who totally blew me away and made me think there was a shoe for my sock. Its almost like I'm having a mid life crisis! lol No seriously, I've reinvented myself so much since my 20's that those who know me now think I'm being all out of character, those who have known me all my life think it's hysterical I've come back into my skin.
As for the two lads - binning them both. I can't do with my emotions. A friend (the ex school friend) said to me late last night "If you want to act like The Body, all you'll get is sex offers, if you want more then you got to give the nice guys a go"
Yes, it's decided, they're all in the bin. Don't think I'll be as drastic as changing my number but might delete them from the address book!
Oh and that's the thing I like about forums such as these. When you tell your issues to friends, you know which ones to go to for the advice you want to hear. With virtualness you get honesty from parties as no one knows any party involved. Almost like the Agony Aunt in a magazine!
If you're under 40 (my age!)
you're young in my book girl! Lol
Good luck with it all!
SG69 x
Heheheh I'm young then! Excellent!
there is nothing wrong with using men to just sleep with, especially if they are doing the same thing. but just as long as its is just sex and you dont let emotions get in the way
i remember back when i first started using this forum (about a year ago) i was seeing 3 different guys, and it was just sex...... until it wasnt!! i fell for one (he said he felt the same, then 2 days later he changed his mind) and another one fell for me, but i didnt have any felings apart from lust and friendship, also he was more than twice my age. so things had to end with those two.
the other one was great fun, though. and things cariied on with him right until i met my current fella (about 4 months ago) and i know that if me and mr poppy split up then i would probably still have a regular shag. but both of us are clear that we never want to be together and there is no jealousy about anyone else, either.
so if you want to have fun, then have it. and it wont get in the way of you finding someone to settle down with as long as you keep it on the down-low. just keep it to yourself, noone need know (except us, but we aent gonna tell anyone) x
Avrielle_Aniko wrote:
^^ My OH was just a sex only relationship to start with. Then I fell in love with him, then he told me to leave him before I got too attatched as he didn't love me, then told me a couple days later that he did love me! haha! It was a wild week that one actually..
So in a way it can work out sometimes.. But as long as you know where you stand. I think I knew where I stood all along, cuz even though he said he didn't love me at the time, his eyes said differently, and I think I knew he loved me before he knew! Lol!
i can. but its rare. i wouldnt put any bets on it most of the time. x
MzBee, I think the title of this thread says it all - you answered your own question way before any of us got a chance to!
SS xx