malechauvinist wrote:
is that it's acceptable for one person to abuse another and make them unhappy, but perverted for one person to abuse another because they enjoy it.
To be quite honest I think it should be the other way round, but that's humans for ya!
That's not true at all. No one finds abuse acceptable - even if they engage in it, unless they're a sociopath, they know it's wrong and hardly something society as a whole deems acceptable.
When it comes to BDSM, again, the majority of people find it very much acceptable. A book where the male love interest whips and spanks and 'abuses' the protagonist is a best-seller and is being made into a movie. When it comes to the kind of BDSM in Marquis de Sade's novels - it is perverted. By the very definition of the word, it is sexually abnormal.
I like to think that I was a gentleman. I was polite, honest, caring and always did my best in relationships to make the generic 'her' feel appreciated. It did me absolutely no good: I either got shat on from varying heights or simply that was all just not exciting enough for the opposite sex.
I'm sorry, Lovehoney has one of the most polite forums I've ever seen on the internet, and I obviously don't know anything about you, but if I'm to judge you from your post - maybe you're not mentioning some of your faults? A lack of modesty seems to be one. And maybe you just got unlucky with your choice of partners - either way, most girls do like nice guys.
The lesson I've learnt - being abusive is generally the way to go if you want to keep someone interested!
Unless you've dated nothing but masochistic women, being abusive is NEVER the way to go. This applies to life in general - if you experience nothing but good things, they just don't seem as good anymore. Some realistic pain/hardships between all the good things in life just make the latter all the more pleasurable. And like I said, this is a polite forum, but if a guy or a girl complains about ALL their partners being jackasses, despite their actions being nothing but perfect, I always feel like they're not telling the whole story.