I'm running out of places to turn, and this community is pretty cool.
I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 4 years, but she's got some serious issues. It's got to the point where I've been off work due to the stress her issues have caused, and I've only just started working again.
She's tried to improve, but we keep going back to square 1. I gave her an ultimatum last time that I would leave if this didn't change, and they did start improving, but it was downhill again last week.
Last night I told her I can't take it anymore, and she started telling me to F off, crying, avoiding me. Then she started threatening to take some pills.
I took the pills off her, and starting packing my bags. I think this hit home for her, and she started begging me not to go. I was utterly heartbroken and it makes me feel physically sick replaying those moments in my head. I've never seen her that distraught and it really upset me. Last night I stayed at my parents house, and told her I'd be round again after work. I'll either try to work things out, or get the rest of my things.
I'm not sure I'm ready to leave her, but I know deep down that my mental health may deteriorate again if I stay.
I really need to hear other people's opinions and advice.
I’m sorry to hear what your currently going through and I have had a previous partner with the same sorts of problems. One day I wondered what was actually wrong with her and realised she was a full blow narcissist, so she got a kick from bringing me down and eventually I was under her spell. She would run away and do all sorts of things like turn her phone off while I was at work and tell me
She was going to do things to herself. It took me a lot of soul searching to finally realise that life without her would be the healthiest route.
My mental health is above all else the most important thing as that’s what gives you motivation and drives your soul. Once your mental health is in a damaged state everything becomes muggy and unorganised. Even if you quickly go through your post I can see the same traits with your partner, she may have some issues herself and they are not healthy for either of you. So being apart may do justice for you both, and imagine a life where your partner wants to see you and progress and is motivated and motivates you! No more stressing or worrying to the depths of your stomach if they have done something to themselves or being told to F off.
However hard it will be for you, It sounds like you have already made a decision but your worried about the after effects. When we go through break ups our brains think of all the great and happy memories and we stick around because some perverse and twisted side of us is attracted to the pain and hope of one day being that happy again. But once your in this horrible circle it won’t change. I would suggest to walk away sooner rather than later, and it may not be a final goodbye, if things are meant to be they will be. My current partner I didn’t see for over 9 years and one day we chatted again and were now 7 years in and loving life.
I feel for you, I really do as it’s almost impossible to be the instigator but realise your self worth and give yourself some respect. Before you have your life completely sucked away from you.
So sorry to hear what you are going through. Has your girlfriend ever seen a professional about her problems?
You have just described my ex perfectly so I know exactly where your coming from she was the same.
The best you can do is leave her to her own devices. As hard as it is break off all contact with her. Give her time to assess herself and get some help as Lil known69 said if it’s meant to be it will happen.
We’re all here for you.
At the end of the day, even though she doesn’t want you to leave,if things are as bad as you describe you will both be better off. Time wasted waiting for the same old patterns to change are one thing that I regret looking back at my life so don’t do that. Break it off, offer your support etc, but staying in an unhealthy situation won’t help either of you. It’s an incredibly hard decision to leave someone you care a great deal for but you can’t fix someone, ultimatums don’t work, if they did things would have changed already, people can change but that’s a result of experience and internal change. Be supportive but get yourself out and healthy.
If your partner is threatening self harm if you leave, sadly and difficultly that is not a reason to stay, if the threat is credible, and that is a difficult call to make, but if it is then you need to contact emergency services immediately. You can also contact support for that kind of situation by calling the samaritans or another support service and they can give you valuable advice on how to deal with that kind of situation. Don’t just ignore it.
Coping with a partner with Mental health issues can be difficult at the best of times and it seems as though you've reached breaking point. It doesn't seem as though it would be a good idea for you to carry on with this relationship unless your partner agrees to get the help they need.
My advice would be to take a deep breath and do one of the hardest things you can do and walk away from someone you care deeply about who needs help. It sounds as though you've tried to stand by them but they aren't really accepting your support. This time you have to go with your gut instinct, things are not going to naturally sort themselves out and letting them destroy your mental health as well isn't helping anyone.
Only you can decide what you really want from the relationship. If you were good friends before maybe you can offer to suport her as a friend while she gets help, making it clear the relationship is over. Sometimes however the only thing you can do is walk away, you've taken the first step now you need to give yourself the time to decide what you want for yourself.
Thanks everyone for your input. I've spent a couple hours talking to her and she's agreed to look into rehab. She also admitted that she didn't think I would actually leave, and she wanted to try contacting me, but her daughter convinced her not to.
This will be her final chance to prove herself. If she doesn't improve in the next couple months then I'm walking for good.
It'll take some time for us to get back to 100%, but we've agreed to take things slowly and ease ourselves back into this relationship.
Thanks again for your support and sharing your own experiences. It's oddly relaxing reading all your replies. It helps to realise I'm not the only person who's gone through this kind of thing.
Reach out to her family, it is their responsibilty to look out for her too.
You need to look after yourself too, so removing yourself from the situation may have been rough but it sounds like it was needed.
Someone that mentally unstable needs regular checkig up on and I feel you should continue supporting her, but only as a friend and not romantically. Don't stop communication with her as that will make her feel worse.
🐼