I'm wondering if people would mind giving me some advice please. I feel like I'm losing my mind at the moment.
I'm going through a breakup from a girl that I love to bits and I'm really struggling with it. We were together for quite some time but only recently did things come to a head. I would say that I was more at fault probably 75/25 but it still bloody hurts. I was never ever unfaithful, just a whole host of different factors.
I feel riddled with guilt (what I should have done, what went wrong) and shame. I'm not sure I'll ever recover from this. I keep looking outside expecting her to park up, expecting her to knock on my door. I wish I could turn the clock back and make our relationship work but that's not possible. People say "it's time to focus on the future, you can't change the past". Now I know that's true but I feel like I'm stuck in this rut with no easy way out.
I don't mean to turn this into a maudlin post but I'm just low and sad.
How long does it take to get over the end of a relationship folks? Please say it's easy.
Only time will make it easier. I recently separated from my wife, together 13yrs. Split due to circumstances, no fights, no cheating, and even though I instigated the split I'm still utterly in love with her. First signs were a few years ago, and we split just over two months ago. Doesn't feel like it's getting any easier, and today I cried at work.
I don't think I'll ever get over her. But hope that time will heal as they say :'(
So it's not just me that feels this way then. That makes it a little easier. I just cry at what seems like silly things, when I hear a song on the radio, when I look through my phone and see a picture. It's like there's a part of me that's broken and I'm not sure how to fix it.
Oh sweetie, I wish I could give you magic words to heal your pain but all I have is the same old shit you will hear over and over...time.
I know it won't feel like it now, and it may not for ages, but time is the only cure. It's taken me over 2 years to get back out there after an intense relationship and I'm still not sure I'm there (but some of that IS to do with it being abusive from him)
Don't keep beating yourself up with "coulda should woulda" cos it won't help if it really is over for good. I know that advice doesn't help though so really...do what works for you. Cry, scream, punch walls, write letters you will never send...anything that, WITHOUT PHYSICALLY HURTING YOURSELF, purges your emotions a bit.
Sorry, I am probably talking shit, just saying some of the stuff I have done. I feel for you sweetie, I really do. I hope you get through this soon. Take care xx
Thank you. The crying is a big thing for me as I've always struggled with my emotions.
The one thing I'm scared of is seeing my ex with another person as I'm not sure how I would handle that. I'm not saying that from a jealous, bunny boiler type way, as I know I couldn't make her happy, but from the "how would I deal with it" type of way. I know it's not all about me but I'm not sure I'm strong enough to handle that.
It's so hard when you love someone and for that person not to then be in your life. I don't think I will ever love anyone as much as I've loved her.
I was cheated on by the last two of my exes and it's really knocked me.
I've been single over 2 years now and it still hurts me. I'm not on the market to date new women as it's hurt too much. I thought I was ready, but I'm not. If I stay single I can't be hurt again.
I suppose what I'm trying to say, is, when you've been so in love, it will take so long to recover and that recovery time varies from person to person.
Get out there and enjoy your life while single. New hobbies, meet new people etc.
Breaking up is never easy and only time will really help. The first few months will be hardest. What happened me last time was my friends, my hobbies and even my work. I could bit forget at work, if I focused on it, it made me bit less likely to think about the split, when I had to deal with work problems.
Also helps to find a new hobby, something you would enjoy doing.
Wish you all the luck and strenght and hope things will eventually improve.
Thanks everyone. I'm sure it'll get easier but it just feels like there's now this massive void in my life. When I think of that I then start looking into lingerie and toys and that then fills me with more guilt.
Is it wrong for me to start buying knickers/stockings etc so soon after the breakup. I just find it something to relax me when I'm wearing knickers but that's always been taboo in the relationship. Does any of that make sense???
The only way to get over this is to fill time with as many new interests/hobbies/sports as you can. You may find the girl of your dreams has the same interests as you.
Go for it and good luck. She is out there somewhere.
Thanks everyone. I'm sure it'll get easier but it just feels like there's now this massive void in my life. When I think of that I then start looking into lingerie and toys and that then fills me with more guilt.
Is it wrong for me to start buying knickers/stockings etc so soon after the breakup. I just find it something to relax me when I'm wearing knickers but that's always been taboo in the relationship. Does any of that make sense???
Go for it. Do whatever makes you feel good and don't feel guilty. You deserve to be happy. X
Firstly, you are not alone; A lot of people go through break-ups with someone that they love, there is a lot of people going through it right now... Reasons may be different but a lot of the thoughts and feelings are the same.
Struggling is to be expected and wondering what you should have done, what went wrong etc is normal as is feeling like you won't recover. Unfortunately some people don't truly but that doesn't mean that your life is over, things get better and you do move on but this was an event and person that was a big part of your life so of course it is going to have an affect. You will keep looking outside or checking for messages and wishing that you could turn back time, most of us do; it really is a universal feeling.
People will say things such as "it's time to focus on the future, you can't change the past" because it is true and they don't want you to hurt but I think that we all know from our own experiences that it is easier said than done. The end of a relationship causes silmilar feelings to grief as it is a loss so no wonder you feel stuck with no easy way out; To be honest you kind of are and I know that that isn't what you would want to hear but it is true. It isn't easy and the only thing that will really help is time, I can't answer how long as there is no time scale but over time you will feel better than you do now, you just need to make sure that you take care of yourself right now.
It is not wrong to buy lingerie or toys so soon, we all cope in different ways andif it is going to make you feel good and is safe then why the hell not. IMO buying toys so soon after a break up is a good thing and better than hopping in to another persons arms and pants (just my opinion).
I have spent a long time writing this as I know that it isn't what people what to hear and may come across as quite brutal or negative but it is just my personal view, as someone who is also in club heartbreak. It's going to be tough but you will get there and I wish you all the best for the future. The forum is a great place to be as we are all friendly non judgemental folk with a whole load of experiences between us so don't be afraid to come forward.
Hi KinkyMinxMoo thank you for your essay 😉 a hell of a lot of that makes sense. So thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I suppose this isn't the right word but "it's nice" to know that I'm not alone feeling sad, angry, guilty etc.
Now for a laugh!! I was doing ok reading your reply and didn't cry. However hearing Cher and "If I Could Turn Back Time" come on the radio didn't bloody help. Why do songs kill you so much!?!
I'm honestly not interested in another relationship, I need to get my head in the right place. I feel like I've got a mountain to climb and I hope that it gets easier.
Thank you everyone for your kind words. It's nice to be able to vent and not actually think you're going nuts.
I am glad that it makes sense and may have helped, even a little. I understand the "nice knowing you're not alone" thing. I am glad that you didn't cry reading it, sounds like you're already doing better than you may think (although even if you were to cry, it isn't a bad thing; it really does help).
Hmm yeah, songs are tough. Either they hold a lot of memories or the lyrics relate and there is something about music that really connects to the heart. Unfortnately there will be a lot of music and a lot of emotion, sometimes you will be okay and other times, not so. It's quite a rollercoaster as with most things in life so you will be down but you will also be up and that is something to remember.
I understand the relationship thing too but we're all different and some people do go down that road and that is ok for them, the main thing is looking after yourself no matter what paths you go down and only you know how you truly feel as to what you may be ready for or not.
The LH comunity is here for you (and everyone else) if you need us :)
Hi Lovehoney - Leanne. Am I doing something wrong in the forums as a few posts have closed? I'd like to know as don't want to be blocked out of forums! Thanks
Hi Lovehoney - Leanne. Am I doing something wrong in the forums as a few posts have closed? I'd like to know as don't want to be blocked out of forums! Thanks
Hello
As the topic, you posted about on the above-linked thread is an update to this thread it is best to use the one you have exsisting. So I closed the new one.
It stops the forum spamming up with the same topic and is also part of our rules.
In regards to the weekend chat thread, it was closed for one on one chatting and was reported.