Alicia4Ever wrote:
You are right when you say that worryingabout not having an orgasm is contrubuting to the fact that you can't orgasm; as is the fact that you have felt grosed out at the thought of touching yourself intimately. That will be still lingeriing somewhere in the back of your mind; and even thoughts that not only shouldn't be touching yourself, but that you shouldn't be trying to orgasm, you might not even be aware that this is in your mind.
What you need to try, is to keep in your mind that it's is not only ok to touch yourself, but that it's a natural and normal thing for anyone to do. Do you know why you felt grossed out at the thought of touching yourself, is it because you were told that it was a dirty and naughty thing to do, when you were young. I have see a number of women post here saying that this was told to them many times over by their parents. What ever the reasoning behind your feeling, it is normal and healthly to masturbate.
Do you touch your body; all over that is ? explore your body, not just down there . Try this.
Create the path in your mind first, visualise it, see it in detail every thing the feelings in your heart, the sensations in your mind. try this; get relaxed on your bed and using just your finger tips on both hands, put them on your pubis and gently draw them over your skin up your tummy between your breasts, go in a circle on your breasts, then back up your cleavage up the side of your neck to your ears, go around your ear lobes so that you hear the rustle. All the time you are drawing your fingers over your body gather up the sensations as if they are something soild and tangible, and sweep them in to you mind through your ears. Go back down your neck and this time use the back of your fingers to sweep down the sides of your body, go around your breasts again then on down to your hips, draw up your knees and sweep down the out side of your thighs, then onto the inside of your thighs, over your sex, then back up the center again to your ears, to deliver the sensations.
Do this over and over, when you feel it more, spend a little more time stroking your vulva, labia, and clitoris. Keep only the sensations you feel from your body in you mind, like meditation. When you feel this working well send half the sensations inside your body as you draw your fingers up to your ears from your sex, let them follow your fingers on the outside. This creates a mental pathway for physical sensations from your vagina, to your clit, and from both those to your mind. If you put in a little reverse going from your clit to your vulva, then back again, before moving up you body you mind can create a link between your vulva and your clit, and also draw in all the other spots you pass over, and up inside your body, and link them all to you mind.
It sounds a bit weird but it works for me, it does take practice, belief and patience though.
Try not to focus on having an orgasm, let the orgasm come to you when you are ready; just be open to it, and all the sensations that you feel as you masturbate. Some women may feel the sensation of wanting to pee, and hold back in their minds, stopping their orgasm. Anything can do this, it only needs one stray negative thought and it's not going to happen.
keep it clear in your mind, thats what you are doing is more than ok, it's good. I think you will get the best from this if you explore your body on your own; as some one pointed out you can't show a partner what you like if you don't know yourself.
Try combinations of things, like clitoral and internal stimulation; even the possition you are in when you masturbate. keep changing what you do; but don't discount one thing, because it didn't work the first time you tried it. Keep going back to all the things you try, and try them again, and again. If you find a result from one way, go find another way; the reason I'm saying this Is I had had friend and she always masturbated with her legs tight together. The only problem is that when she got a bf, and started to have sex, she couldn't enjoy it at all, because he was laid between her legs; and she need her legs shut tight together to be able to feel sexual.
It's a journey not race, and you have only just stared; don't let outside pressures lead your thoughts. what others say they do, and achieve is for them; you are you, and we are all different.
The more you focus, on what others can do, and how, the more you move away from you, and how you need to do it.; and put so much pressure on yourself in the process, that you can't even be you. Relax, explore, enjoy the pleasures of your own body; if you can't touch your own body what can you touch. And if you can't accept giving yourself pleasure, then how can you recieve it from others.
I understand what you must feel, I was raped, and for many years, I didn't want to be touched, or to touch myself or someone else.
I'm definitely aware that worrying about having an orgasm is probably the no1 thing I need to change before I have any chance of being able to.
I've sometimes felt like I feel I'm close to it but then I don't actually know if I am (or even if that was an Orgasm?!)
I keep getting told "You will know when you've had one" but I wish there was a real sign lol!
I definitely need to get more comfortable with my own body, learn what I like and don't like and find out what works for me just in terms of enjoyment first.
Thank you for the advice of exploring my own body, I have been neglecting that and just been focusing on down there.....I will try that next time.
Also I'm really sorry to hear about your experinces, I can't imagine how that must have affected being intimate with yourself or others.