I posted on here months ago, but can't seem to find it.
Anyway, I am 32, finally in a great relationship (past ones have been horrendous on many levels) but I have never had a orgasm. I have been with my partner for 3-4 years, and I have seemed to have tried everything. It's starting to make me think that I will never experience one!!!
Our sex life is great but I long for that same level of "ending" like my partner gets every time.
We have tried various positions, items from our "secret box" (orgasm gel, mini vibrator) oral stimulation as well as DIY. Even got sent for psychosexual counselling which didn't really help so I stopped going.
I do get turned on to the point that I am verbal, back arches, but it's like I had to the top of the hill but can't seem to get over the other side.
Iam so sorry to hear this. Iam thrilled you've found a good partner.
However no matter how good he is sexualy its not going to happen until you allow it too. Its a terrible thing to burden a woman with but the issue is all with in you. Your upbringing and pervious relationships have affected you very deeply and mentally.
This aside and sorry if its a little harsh but there is no easy way to put it but it can be over come. With time and determination.
I suspect due to a poor relationship you have low self esteem and worry far to much. These in themselves are very difficult to over cum. Stop making sex about orgasm back off and just allow your self to enjoy the sex. Give yourself a break and stop being so hard on yourself.
Try to relax don't worry about how you look or sound during sex. Try not to think about are you pleasing him enough.
Sex is one of the best ways to get rid of stress. In order to do this you need to let go forget all day to day things and just enjoy what's going on in front of you and to you.
Thanks natandtom for finding my original post 😊
Gentle giant, I am fully with you with what you say and I know my experiences most probably don't help the situation. I fully enjoy what we do without the orgasm, but you know when you just want to experience what most others do. I never "chase" it as I know this can hinder it even more. Just feel like it will never be possible.
If you can and are up to it I'd recommend some counselling?
Also do you feel your more likely to orgasm from clitoral stimulation rather than penertration. As most women don't orgasm from penertration. I'd also recommend that you try alone first . again most women experience their first orgasm alone it takes away the pressure.
The BEST advice is to chill out. It will happen - even if it takes a while. (I have had a lot of previous partners in their 30s who (claim) to have never orgasmed before. I imagine there are people in their 40s 50s and 60s who have their first (or older). My SO still rarely orgasms - but we don't worry about it. I can guarantee that if she or she thinks that I am chasing an orgasm for her then it wont happen.
Speak to your partner, create a "scene" that will allow you to relax into it. Turn your head off (this is the hardest part) and allow your partner to cater to you. Tell them (frequently) what you want them to do and where and how hard.
Guys will frequently get the hardness wrong - so educate your partner. Get a good (non-penatration) thing going for you. Try new things. Try out new fetishes and fantasies until you find one that really does it for you. Get a good amount of time with your SO (or on your own) before you think about penatration. Even if you only ever orgasm with penatration, the foreplay is essential to get you in the right frame of mood.
It will take a while, but eventually your SO will figure out what makes you tick and you will be able to use less and less instructions until suddenly (when you are least expecting it) it will happen.
In the mean time - orgasms are great and all, but seriously Sex is just as good without an orgasm, so just don't worry about it and enjoy your healthy and active sex life!