I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months now.we get on really well in and outside the bedroom and the sex/sex life is good except for the fact that I struggle (and always have done regardless or who with, what I try ect) to orgasm through penetration alone. This is very frustrating for me, and he knows that I have this trouble but understands it's nothing he's doing/not doing (I would never lie or fake it)
I'm getting really fed up, annoyed and frustrated with it to be honest. I still really enjoy the sex ect with him but it doesn't seem to be enough for me and I feel like a disappointment to both of us as though how can I truly be enjoying it?!
We've tried oral and other things to help which usually isn't a problem for me in these ways to orgasm, but although I'm not a huge fan of his techniques I feel I just can't fully relax and get in the mood in order to reach orgasm, not to mention he can be a little to rough handed (not intentional I feel).
The other day, he was giving me oral and it was taking me a while to get there and then he just stopped and we continued with something else, although still enjoyable none the less. I'm not sure if he thought I was finished as obviously I was giving the impression I was enjoying it (which I was) or maybe he got bored or whatever? I didn't even bother to ask, I had no idea how to approach the subject without coming across angry or frustrated.
I personally feel like we've hit a rock already, and although I'm not a prude, I don't generally feel too comfortable with talking too much into things, especially as it's all still so new.
My main issue here is my inability to orgasm through penetration, and lack of now being able to achieve it through other methods. I'd really like it to happen at least if only once. He often mentions I seemed close but really it's just only the fact that I enjoyed it very much regardless.
It reads to me that you need to something you say you don't like doing. Namely talking. It is frustrating to you that you are not having an orgasms, it is probably frustrating to your partner that they are not helping you get there, you need, I think, to explain what works for you and see if that improves things.
I agree you both need to sit down and talk, I know that can be hard, so maybe try doing it when you are both feeling relaxed like after a night out.
all the best and hope it all works out xx
Are you able to more easily orgasm whilst playing on your own? If yes maybe let him watch and learn, I'm one to preach(can be quite shy talking about things even though I let my wife put her hand in me) but you both need to talk to each other giving instructions to him or saying what feels good can really help us guys, like don't stop, harder, a little more gently say?
Like the others have said its something you need to perhaps talk about and to show him by guiding his hand to what you like. Not all women, in fact IIRC , about a third can't orgasm through penetration . So you are not alone by any means .Your ticket here may be through lots of stimulation through foreplay etc. Like I said before if you have reservations about his techniques then you will have to guide him .
Its a new relationship you have so there will be plenty of things to find out about each other. If you want to add a bit of humour to your situation then there is an 18 cert film called Shortbus I could recommend which is basically about a relationship counciler and her quest to reach orgasm.Its quite funny in places and also sends a message about being careful of who you give the remote control to for a Love Egg toy! It may lighten the situation if you watched it together and make it easier to talk about the subject with him.
But dont panic .
mysteron wrote:
Like the others have said its something you need to perhaps talk about and to show him by guiding his hand to what you like. Not all women, in fact IIRC , about a third can't orgasm through penetration . So you are not alone by any means .Your ticket here may be through lots of stimulation through foreplay etc. Like I said before if you have reservations about his techniques then you will have to guide him .
Its a new relationship you have so there will be plenty of things to find out about each other. If you want to add a bit of humour to your situation then there is an 18 cert film called Shortbus I could recommend which is basically about a relationship counciler and her quest to reach orgasm.Its quite funny in places and also sends a message about being careful of who you give the remote control to for a Love Egg toy! It may lighten the situation if you watched it together and make it easier to talk about the subject with him.
But dont panic .
The film Shortbus is on Pornhub too.
I can't orgasm through penetration ✋ never have, never will be able to. I play with myself whilst he penetrates me, or he uses the wand on me. It's not effected our sex life at all.
It's hard to tell someone it's not doing it for you but you need to be honest. Also when he's doing oral I keep my hand on his head and move him if he's going off track 😂
A lot of women struggle to orgasm from penetration alone, nothing weird or a struggle about that.
I agree with others, you need to have a conversation or maybe try a role play that allows you to act out a more assertive role to get your needs met and he can learn from that. Otherwise, what kinds of things are you doing when he's busy? I like it when my partner gets involved with her hands when I'm playing or going down.
Best thing that ever happened for me was a girl when I was younger, she basically stopped me in the middle of the act and literally told me exactly what got her off and ofncourse women are different but the anatomy isn't. Maybe your guy has never had the benefit of a woman who would tell him what they want!
Try having sex without intercourse. That way there is no performance pressure for you and you both get to explore each other's bodies and wants without the source of your anxiety. Look up senate focus!
Last word, I guarantee you, if you have this chat and are open to exploring both sides of the equation and trying things out, he will be horny, not mad!
Once he figures out how to press your buttons he won't want to stop! Nothing like a woman's body when it's fully aroused and bursting! My partners vagina swells, throbs and turns red with all the blood flow. I absolutely love her coming in my mouth, as much at least as me coming during intercourse!
Getting worked up about it will only make the problem worse try having a nice long soak in the bath before going to the bedroom to relax you he could join you in the bath, try massaging each other prolong the build up to intercourse by doing lots of foreplay on each other this will then heighten the intensity between you both then hopefully this will help, it will take time to find how you both tick together but you must also talk to each other to find out what you both like being done to one and other keep going I'm sure you'll work it out