@Bex84 Be honest it,s the jodhpurs and riding crop that really did it for you .
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It sounds like you’re going on this journey for your own pleasure & satisfaction to at least some extent. It should be a fun and positive pursuit for you.
If you are to some extent asexual or demisexual, please know that this is ok too. I recommend enjoying your journey and seeking professional advice only if you‘re having problems.
Your beau should hopefully be man enough to understand it‘s not on him that your body & mind are possibly different to others‘. Full marks to him for caring about your satisfaction. His desire to make you orgasm could be partly driven by his insecurity though. Please don‘t let anyone gaslight you into feeling that you‘re not ‘normal’.
We‘re all different. Some people are more romantic than others, some people are more sexual than others.
Some people are big on both, others not keen on either.
On the sexual/ physical side of things, I‘d highly recommend this book for anyone getting to know about female anatomy and sexual arousal more intimately:
Parts of the book are focused on female ejaculation. You really don’t have to be interested in this goal to get something from this book. It also gives a ton of good information about anatomy, different types of arousal and orgasm, tips for solo play, tips for couples play, etc.
It‘s helped my wife and I tons.
Re: toys.
There are so many different ways to enjoy sex, some enjoy a full feeling, some enjoy light touch, some love vibration, some don‘t, etc, etc.
There are so many cool toys to help with all these desires.
My advice is to try what you fancy, and see where this takes you. There will be successes and failures, I‘m sure.
I like to focus on the positive outcomes and learn what I can from the less successful ones.
Good luck!
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It took me a long time to get my first orgasm too. I just don’t think my head could relax enough. My first orgasm was during a 69 and I really recommend it and can see why. I was focusing on giving head to my partner rather than tensing if I was just lay on my back. I also used to feel bad it was taking so long but because we were both giving and receiving together time didn’t become an issue anymore. Being on top also allowed me to grind and get into the position I needed which isn’t always easy to communicate to a partner.
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Hmm, the comment “maybe not porn”, suggests that you may have barriers in your head that are interfering with what you wish to achieve. Perhaps taking yourself out of frame may help here.
By that I mean the use of a mirror to watch yourself may help. Dress up in a sexual way just for you. The more over the top the better. Watch in the mirror as you stroke yourself. Take it slow, there is no hurry. Start with boobs and work your way south. Although your clit may be the ultimate destination take your time getting there. When your head is in the right place, it will happen