Hello all! I've finally realised that I've been buying too much, particularly lingerie on LH. My hubby noticed it had become quite bad, as at one point I was just ordering bits everyday!! - deal of the day and '75% off' were too tempting, especially when I was brand new to LH in January 18'. I just wanted to build up a personal collection of 'sexy goodies', and I certainly have done that!!! It all started with not being confident about my appearance (although, my husband always tells me I'm beautiful and sexy - and I know he means it.) I just don't love myself very much and get annoyed and find it debilitating when I can't get my body to work 'sexually'. Lingerie was a way of making me feel better about my body when I joined the site. At least I could make myself 'prettier'. I'm not even a bad looking person, (so everyone has told me), but I just have major 'hang ups' about myself.
I recently made a couple of purchases behind hubby's back, which I feel so guilty about and he knows about it now. I was being sneaky about it, because there's always something I desire. If I knew he was getting a parcel the next day, I would order something for myself. I am seeing a therapist at the mo, and she says it's quite reasonable that hubby has let me get 2 items per month - considering I've gone a bit mad with my 'sexy shopping'. It's not good when it's becoming a problem between us. I need to get a grip of this. Hubby is pleased I am making friends on the forum, he says it's 'good for me', and I agree.
I'm a bit worried now, if I don't buy anything for a month or so, will it affect my chances of becoming a toy tester on LH. I am getting some more bits again soon and will carry on reviewing my products and chatting on the forum. Hubby just thinks I need a little break as there's absolutely nothing I'm without at the mo (lingerie/toys etc.)
Please can anyone at all give me some advice on what their 'OH's' think is acceptable i.e. amount of purchases and how often is normal and healthy for them? Also, if anyone including staff at LH could reassure me that my chances of being picked for toy testing won't be affected, or my account downgraded, I would so much appreciate it. Thanks so much everyone for listening and please help me! 😊😯😕 'Puzzled' and need friendly advice please. xxx
Please don’t think I’m being rude with this (I’ve not had much sleep and have a long day in front of me) so this may come off a little blunt but, is sex toy testing more important than your marriage? Because going behind his back may cause you martial problems long term. In terms of how often you should order, it is normal to feel like a kid in a sweet shop when browsing on here (I’ve been shopping here for 10 years, bought loads and my wishlist is still really long!) you need to discuss this with your husband. If you have the disposable income then twice a month doesn’t seem bad but obviously if the money is needed for more essential items (food, utilities, Petrol etc) then you should cut down. In terms of sex toy testing, as long as you keep writing reviews of what you do buy, keeep up to date with the current list and (after being selected for ones from the list) add your name to the secret posts on the forum, you will be fine. Reviewing is more about quality reviews than quantity. In terms of account being downgraded, the threshold used to be £100 per year, not sure if that is still right. You might be best emailing Lovehoney as no one is likely to see this today.
Thank you so much 'kelly_michelle', your advice is 'spot on' and you've definitely not offended me! I'm so thankful for your advice. You are right, my marriage and my hubby himself are more important than anything and I clearly have a few issues I need to address. I don't want to ruin my marriage because of my severe OCD and issues with my self-esteem. I am determined to sort these problems out, as it's not fair giving him grief and stress all the time, and buying and hoarding behind his back (because I think it makes me feel better). If I lost my hubby to this, I would be such a fool as he is a lovely man and has stood by me thru everything. I really need to evaluate my priorities and I'm glad you have said to me what you have. I'm lucky he's still trusting me to shop on here again (in a couple of months, when I've shown I can combat my OCD!), which is fair enough as I've brought literally everything you can imagine!
Thanks so much for replying to the 'Womanizer' thread I created, I will post a reply on there 2 u. Would love to add u to friend list if ok 😊 You've been a star!
I just wanted to add that the Lovehoney marketing team are extremely good at their jobs. I have never encountered a company that offers so much incentive to keep you buying things, again and again and again. They've done an excellent job at making Lovehoney the massive international business that it has become and kept their customers coming back for more.
The problem with this is if you have a compulsion to buy things, it's very difficult to ignore all the offers that are thrown at you, sometimes more than once a day. I know when I first joined the site I brought a lot of products, and I'm sure a lot of it was driven by getting a deal of the day email, plus discount code emails, plus sale emails. It's overwhelming, and that's exactly what it's supposed to do; keep you buying more stuff.
To help you cope, I strongly suggest removing yourself from all mailing lists. I know you might feel like you'll miss out on a really special offer by doing this, but in the long run you'll save money because you'll only buy stuff you really want, rather than being tempted to buy more things every day. You can always Google discount codes, and you've got your £20 off when you spend £40 attached to the account which is usually a better deal than the discount codes that get emailed.
Don't worry about your account, you've already spent more than enough to keep it for the entire year, so that is no reason to keep spending (although the fact that you thought it was just goes to show again how fantastic the Lovehoney marketing team is). As far as reviews are concerned, you've already done 30, which is 20 more than the minimum required to be considered for the sex toy testers list. I think sex toy testing takes a long time now, as there are so many people wanting to join and not that many products to go around. I think the number of reviews you write doesn't have that much to do with your chances of being selected. All you can do is keep your list up to date and keep commenting on secret testers that pop up in the forum, and make sure Leanne has your measurements for lingerie.
I hope this is helpful, all I'm trying to say is if you're finding it difficult to stop yourself from buying things the marketing can't be helping. I'm a frugal person on a very low income and I've still spent hundreds of pounds at LH, and I know the marketing has a lot to do with it.
Thanks 'Mr Chimp' for claryfying the threshold of spending for 'LH Unlimited'. 😉
I can't thank 'Jezebella' enough, what wonderful advice to help me and touching support you have given me. Reading this today and others' posts on this thread has made me realise I have a compulsion for LH shopping and I just need to get it under control so it is not a detriment to my marriage. I love my husband am sick of wanting to buy things all the time and basically acting like a child when I can't have what I want (because I've already had my limit for the month!!). I know it's a real problem because I feel guilty and selfish for my obsessive spending and how it has made hubby worried about me so much. It's not an excuse, but being recently diagnosed with 'Borderline Personality Disorder' hasn't helped. I am obsessed with sex at the moment and have severe OCD, I am diagnosed as 'emotionally unstable' and have crazy mood swings - these are the main symptoms. I have found it hard to accept my diagnosis, I knew something was wrong for years and I can only work on my behaviour and fix it. I know I sound like a 'mad woman', but I just feel better 4 getting it off my chest!! It's difficult admitting my problems and somewhat embarrassing, but isn't it so wonderful I feel I can open up 2 everyone on here? I don't know what I'd do without friends on here, but I am so grateful and thankful to have the privilege of receiving everyone's advice and friendly support. Thank you all so much for taking the time to help me, it means the world and has given me hope that I can get thru this difficult stage in my life. I may even discover one day 'Who I Really Am?' and hopefully overcome BPD. Psychiatry on Wednesday, I need to go and know I will get some help with everything! Thanks all xxxx 😯😉😕😇
I can see what you mean, I’m like a lovehoney addict and I do order a lot most times it’s once a week if not more often! For us it’s not a problem because we keep finances seperate and I always make sure bills, food, kids stuff etc is sorted first, but at times it has been so bad that it’s come pretty darn close to not being able to afford some basic things because I already spent a lot on here. I think personally, if it’s just about the sex toy tester you’ll be fine, as mentioned above it’s quality not quantity, if it’s just like me and you genuinely are just obsessed with ordering and having new toys to use like me, then twice a month seems reasonable but don’t lie to your hubby about it, try and bring him into it a bit more! It is a slippery slope though, my collection is getting huge now and just keeps growing, as I say it’s alright at the moment because I can draw a line and I make sure necessary things are payed for first, but if it’s getting to be an issue then maybe listen to what your husband thinks because he knows you best ☺️
Thank u 'Bunnybomb 2015' and 'Justthe2ofus', u have both been so understanding and helpful with this. I can't believe there are others that have had a problem with this too, and It's reassuring to know I'm not alone, but on the other hand, I understand how the temptation can take over u!
I'm having a break for a month or two from purchasing as hubby thinks it's best. It has gotten madly out of control and I even shocked myself at how vast my lingerie collection alone is!! There is only so much room to put it, especially without invading OH's space too!
I'm finding it so difficult in this first week, it's exactly what I can only describe as what 'cold turkey' would feel like, as it's become such an addiction. I love the ordering of stuff, the discounts, the fact it comes next day and the excitement of it all! I haven't even got round to using some bits yet! I am struggling, but need to do this for the sake of our marriage. For example, I am still adding to the wishlists and thankfully I can still chat on here!! I shouldn't have abused hubby's trust and he was angry - I can't blame him. Even if I am tempted, I talk to him about it beforehand now, he just wants me to be honest, which is only right. I can't lie to him about stuff, it's not worth breaking down the trust bond and can cause bigger issues. I was stupid and won't be doing it behind his back again!
Any tips for coping, when you feel so overcome by an offer or item you want? I'm keeping myself busy with other interests at the mo and getting professional help. I tell u what tho, I don't know what I would've done if I couldn't talk about it 2 u all on here. It's keeping me strong and I know that from what you have all said, listening to my hubby is most important. Thanks so much everyone for being just wonderful about this and non-judgemental. xxx 😊 I will be good! 😇
Also, hubby said if we run out of lube/orgasm enhancers, we can choose some 2getha, just no more lingerie for now!! I'm real excited about this as I want him to be involved, he wasn't that bothered before (till it got out of hand!). I'm looking forward to choosing something with him when I can again, just need to stop counting down the days like at Christmas!!! - That kinda keeps me going tho, not sure if it's the best coping strategy?!
So, hubby is getting into 'LH' now! ("Every cloud...! ") I think something good has come out of this and at least he can ensure I don't go too mad on the deals, however I do ensure bills are paid first! He would be furious otherwise!! 😯 He made me laugh the other day tho, he said "God there's enough stuff ere' to open a brothel!!" (jokingly, of course - just to let 'LH' know!) and "What if people find all this stuff if we die in an accident or something?!!".
My reply..." Well I'm not too bothered, cos I'll b dead anyway! " lmao! 😂 x
Firstly well done for being so open about having an issue with spending (if you can face it you can fix it). Secondly I have a suggestion (as someone who also gets a rush from new purchases). How about once you have worn your beautiful new undies and washed of course 😉 . Get some pretty coloured tissue paper and wrap your sets back up. Maybe add a little paper gift tag to write what is inside on. I do a version of this. Bag up and put in a separate "naughty bag". Maybe this will help. Good luck
Emerald, I think it's so great you're in therapy and getting professional help. I know it takes a lot of courage to do this. You've said you're going to reduce your spending for the sake of your marriage. Whilst I agree you shouldn't hide things from your spouse (that's always a recipe for disaster), you could also think of this as something positive you are doing for yourself. Getting your spending under control is a powerful thing that will make you stronger and you'll find it easier to resist temptations in the future. Everything you're doing sounds great, keep at it!
I went a little bit mad with spending when i first joined 4 years ago, I have had severe OCD my whole life and when at 24 i finally felt like i could handle sex and not be too panicked about the germs (still not past that, doing particularly badly atm infact) i went a little overboard. I needed to prove to myself if toys etc didn't cause me to wet myself by accident etc then i'd be ok for trying actual sex when i met the right guy, but that meant having to try differnt lengths, girths etc as i didn't know what kind of size i'd be dealing with in a partner, and i actually had to step away from buying for almost 2 years.
Have now met the "right" guy, but it's long distance and a 2 year wait til he can visit (differnt country, i'm too ill to travel) because of financial issues, and right now i'm having to hold myself off on buying all sorts of fancy lingerie, i want to feel sexy in it but realistically i have weight issues and there's no saying the size i am now, i will be in 2 years. Hasn't stopped me making a wishlist of all the dream stuff i'd own, but unless something on it comes up in a very good sale, i can't afford to be spending o that kind of thing right now.
Thank you all of you for all your kind words and support, it means the world and is helping me cope more than u all know, although finding it very difficult at the mo (to stop thinking about things I would like!!!). 'Justthe2ofus' thank u 4 being such a 'rock' 2 me. Can't believe we have similar issues as I thought buying stuff for myself when I was ill, would make me feel better again - but as u say, It doesn't work long term and my hubby (quite rightly!) doesn't think my OCD spending has been healthy for me. I'm actually on a 'ban' for a couple of months because I can't control myself! But, I know he is looking out for me and my health and understands why I did what I did (self-esteem issues). o Which nicely brings me on to 'Mrs John'! - I think ur idea of wrapping my washed (and neatly folded, lol) garments is a fabulous idea!!! I love card making and making pretty gift tags as it is, so I will have fun doing this and will b like having new presents to open!! Thank u 4 ur kind words of support and it's such a nice feeling people are 'proud' of me for admitting my problem! 'Jezebella', thank you for appreciating it took a lot of courage to admit I had a problem and engage in professional help. I'm going to psychiatry tomorrow and it's going to be a relief to get the ball rolling! I agree that it's also a positive thing I'm doing for my own 'well-being'. Just thanks for your supportive words, pushing me on!!! All these posts have made me feel a lot better 2day and I am realising it's good to have a break from spending! I wish I could get encouraging messages like this everyday, especially in the first couple of weeks of coping! But, I also understand it's a big achievement if I can keep temptations at bay myself, after all I'm the only one who can fix this! To 'VirginAngel', so sorry u suffer with OCD aswell - especially germs etc. (as I do myself!!) I also have a problem with 'checking things' like taps are not dripping, oven is off, doors locked - the list goes on! This all triggered off again (after my symptoms were improving - again having OCD for years) when I had a nasty virus on my birthday and is worse at the mo, cos I can't spend on 'LH'. It is all very debilitating and I totally understand where you're coming from. I agree and don't think there's anything wrong with you having to have experimented with stuff, at least u are prepared and know what u like now. Don't worry about your weight, u can look lovely in lingerie as the model shows in plus size outfits (not presuming ur size of course). It's awesome 'LH' makes it so everyone can feel 'sexy', despite size etc. If it's any consolation, I have arthritis in my hips and docs won't operate cos I'm 2 young to have replacements and I'll have no bone left to work with by the time I'm 65!! So, I use a walking stick all the time to get about and I don't feel 'sexy' at all unless I can put something pretty on when lying down!! My various OCD behaviours extend from being diagnosed with arthritis too and the pain is terrible!! But I have no option but 2 plod on, even tho I can't even face going out some days! Sorry for the long reply on this thread, but I want everyone to know how much their words mean to me and are how much they are helping me! Hope u all have a nice day and many thanks again. 😊😉😯😇 xxxx Emerald.
Having trouble with using the 'quote post' function on here and also sometimes won't let me edit stuff, any advice would b kindly appreciated. Thanks. x 😕
Good morning... When I first joined the site I was a slow starter on the ordering but I have gone through phases where I have over ordered because I was shopping when I was depressed or bored or I felt like "I had to buy it now or I would not get another great offer"
I have to recognize these triggers and stick to an actual budget. So I have X dollars of "fun money" I can spend here, at the mall or whatever that does not get me into overspending. I use my wishlists to help me keep track of things I am lusting after and I have taught myself to let things sit. Because you have over ordered already it is probably the thrill of ordering / getting the package that is satisfying some need. So go back through your collection and do a fashion show or really wear the pieces to enjoy them, it will feel like a new item all over again.
Also, you may need to just have days you skip the forum or the website if you feel the tempatation to shop is too strong. Believe me after 4 years of ordering, there will always be another offer / special sale, new items, etc... But shop responsibly and do not hife things from your OH that could cause conflict... after all this site is about sexual happiness.
Good morning... When I first joined the site I was a slow starter on the ordering but I have gone through phases where I have over ordered because I was shopping when I was depressed or bored or I felt like "I had to buy it now or I would not get another great offer"
I have to recognize these triggers and stick to an actual budget. So I have X dollars of "fun money" I can spend here, at the mall or whatever that does not get me into overspending. I use my wishlists to help me keep track of things I am lusting after and I have taught myself to let things sit. Because you have over ordered already it is probably the thrill of ordering / getting the package that is satisfying some need. So go back through your collection and do a fashion show or really wear the pieces to enjoy them, it will feel like a new item all over again.
Also, you may need to just have days you skip the forum or the website if you feel the tempatation to shop is too strong. Believe me after 4 years of ordering, there will always be another offer / special sale, new items, etc... But shop responsibly and do not hife things from your OH that could cause conflict... after all this site is about sexual happiness.
Thank u , what wonderful advice I have received today! I will defo take all your comments on board, they all make sense! I just need to get healthy and happy again. When I've proved I can stop the 'OCD buying' for a couple of months, I will hopefully be able to gain hubby's trust again, in that I can behave responsibly and make good decisions. I will then hopefully be able to get something once a month that we 'both' just actually need! Thanks for your input and I am going to ensure I'm a bit more patient in future, there'll always b another sale as u say!! Thanks again. x
Emerald269 you are more than welcome! I hope your appointment goes well. Let us know how you get on x
Emerald says; Just catching up with everything after being offline for a bit (due to router blowing up in a thunderstorm!! Lol). Went to my appointment and also seen outreach worker and both went really well, been a bit depressed over weekend as I couldn't chat on here! But, perhaps a 'blessing in disguise' as I couldn't be tempted by offers (didn't have access to any internet services!) I'm glad 2 b bk and it's gonna take a lot of work on my part, but getting bk into therapy again is a good thing for me. Also, spent quality time with my husband this weekend just gone, watching films and being togetha. It gave me a break from the forum, as ' suggested would be good 4 me, so LH is not my only train of thought. I also tend to neglect my hubby a bit when I'm on here, which isn't fair - I just have the tendency to get too engrossed in anything I do!! I'll say bye 4 now and best wishes to all, I've caught up with loads on here 2day. x 😇😉😊
Been given some worksheets to work on mood triggers and self esteem and how to control OCD urges. Doing a bit everyday, but is rather challenging! If I want to get well and grow as an individual and with hubby, I've got 2 do this!! x Thanks 4 everyone's support.