My partner and I have a good relationship and sex is not very often but we're ok with that. I would like to raise the sexual heat a little, so I had an idea.
What I would like to do is to tell her about all my sexy likes and dislikes in a kinky document. For instance all my turn ons, fantasies, what's in my secret toy box i've been adding items to.. like a kinky CV. She's fairly broadminded and we've tried simple things like nip clamps which I love.. but there's more.... much more.
One huge side effect of doing this is that I am incredibly turned on knowing that she will learn a few more secret sexy fetishes and fantasies about me. I find putting it over in written form is easier. I wouldn't know where to begin if we both sat down over a Battenburg and a cuppa. The end result I hope would be that she would be more aware of what turns me on and therefore a bigger libido drive for both of us.
Before I go ahead with this I wanted to ask the girls out there if they would like something like this from their OH?
I've asked her what her fantasies are and she said she doesn't have any.. im hoping if I show my cards first she'll be more inclined to show hers too.
Personally I think it's a good idea . Maybe once she's read yours she may feel a bit more confident about writing some of hers ....I know you say she hasn't got any but maybe she's a bit shy about sharing them with you . Obviously I don't know what your fantasies are but as long as she's not made to feel under pressure to carry them all out with you then I don't see any problem with it . I'd love my OH to do this as he doesn't seem to like discussing sex that much ,he always seems uncomfortable about it which in turn makes me feel awkward about it . I have told him a few of my fantasies( and I've got a fair few ! ) but I only know one of his and I'm sure there must more that he hasn't told me. Yeah , go for it x
Thanks wildflower, I have stressed in my kinky cv that there is absolutely no pressure for her to do anything. I've also written a good few xxx short stories that involve things that push my hot buttons. I thought that would be fun too.
If you want to do this in order to help her feel more confident telling you her fantasies, it's a great idea and might work.
If you want to do this in order to increase her libido and have more sex, I think it can have the opposite effect. If I were her, reveiving a list of things that my partner likes and wants would make me feel like he is trying to tell me that I don't satisfy his needs and don't turn him on enough or don't provide enough sex and that would make me feel unconfortable. That would only make me more reticent about having sex. Be carefull on how you introduce the idea to make sure she does not perceive it as you putting pressure on her to perform your fantasies. Instead, insist that you do this beause you think that you could benefit from opening more to each other on those subjects and that you want to start first to make her feel safer about telling you hers so you can explore it together. If you wanted to increase her libido with this idea, you could tell her that you are doing this so she tells you her fantasies so that you both can explore them (before exploring yours).
Yeah short sexy stories are great fun to write and almost like playing out your fantasies but on paper . I often read erotic sex stories ,they can get me very turned on ! Hopefully your partner will the same .
Fabulous idea. I'd love my oh to do something like that. I would get turned on reading it and it's all about learning what makes us tick and how to pleasure each other. I might even suggest it :) x
Thanks to all of your open minded replies. I feel more inclined to do this now. I even bought her more Strawberry Lube which she loves. She raved about it when we first met but forgot to buy more... And I replaced all the batteries in her favourite toys which I do love using on her.
If you want to do this in order to help her feel more confident telling you her fantasies, it's a great idea and might work.
If you want to do this in order to increase her libido and have more sex, I think it can have the opposite effect. If I were her, reveiving a list of things that my partner likes and wants would make me feel like he is trying to tell me that I don't satisfy his needs and don't turn him on enough or don't provide enough sex and that would make me feel unconfortable. That would only make me more reticent about having sex. Be carefull on how you introduce the idea to make sure she does not perceive it as you putting pressure on her to perform your fantasies. Instead, insist that you do this beause you think that you could benefit from opening more to each other on those subjects and that you want to start first to make her feel safer about telling you hers so you can explore it together. If you wanted to increase her libido with this idea, you could tell her that you are doing this so she tells you her fantasies so that you both can explore them (before exploring yours).
Hey Manz,
Thanks so much for your reply. Your point I considered very early on in its creation. Making her feel pressured is something I don't intend to do. So I have put in bold writing that doing all these things is not essential. I've said also not to feel pressured in any way.
We all have fantasies running through our heads. Some we like to share and some are completely forbidden and should stay with the beholder. For me I've thought it through and it fills me with trembling excitement (and fear) to reveal all to my loved one. After this there will not be much else she won't know about me and this is incredibly exciting for me. I hope she will appreciate how much I trust her to know these things and this will bring us more in tune with our wants and needs.
I think it's a great way of letting her know about your deepest fantasies and encouraging her to share hers.
Maybe she could try writing some erotic stories, too, so you know more about the settings she likes and how she would like to do, or have done to her?
Alternatively, perhaps she could find some favourite stories on a site like literotica and point you to them, so you can read about her fantasies.
I'd be really touched if a partner did something like this because it's a thoughtful way of introducing ideas, even if you don't do them, you can still fantasise about them and maybe fantasise together.
I think it's a great way of letting her know about your deepest fantasies and encouraging her to share hers.
Maybe she could try writing some erotic stories, too, so you know more about the settings she likes and how she would like to do, or have done to her?
Alternatively, perhaps she could find some favourite stories on a site like literotica and point you to them, so you can read about her fantasies.
I'd be really touched if a partner did something like this because it's a thoughtful way of introducing ideas, even if you don't do them, you can still fantasise about them and maybe fantasise together.
thanks for your feedback and comments Alice, I really appreciate a females opinion. Its very important for me.
I think the idea or erotic stories are a perfect way to bring up your fantasies! It introduces new aspects to the bedroom and will hopefully excite her to read them! I know me and my partner are always bringing new ideas to the table by leaving each other a short story.
I'm not sure if maybe the CV would seem too impersonal maybe? Just be careful how you word things as the others have said to really convey your love and that she's not pressured into anything.
I think the idea or erotic stories are a perfect way to bring up your fantasies! It introduces new aspects to the bedroom and will hopefully excite her to read them! I know me and my partner are always bringing new ideas to the table by leaving each other a short story.
I'm not sure if maybe the CV would seem too impersonal maybe? Just be careful how you word things as the others have said to really convey your love and that she's not pressured into anything.
I really hope it works out for you! :)
Hey KittyKat.
Thanks for stumbling on my thread.
I really do appreciate your comments.
You will be glad to know that I didn't really mean a strict CV format... Its just a straight forward list with comments on why certain things do it for me. Some are quite xxx so I will split the list. The first one will be fairly mild and depending on how that goes I'll consider the xxx list. I'm going to ask her outright first like, "hey if you were sitting in dentists waiting room and there was a magazine on the table and next to it a file saying "Quick Start Guide to your Kinky Hubby" which one will you pick up?" :)
I'm confident its gonna be OK.
Have a good week.
Ohh wow, l absolutely love that idea. If my hubby would write down some of his fantasies and let me read them I'd be pretty stoked and not to mention honoured. (Quoting Terri JJ - not sure how far I'd get before jumping him tho!)
Now having read all the messages on this post I'm on tender hooks for how it went. Rooting for you;) wuup wuup
Ohh wow, l absolutely love that idea. If my hubby would write down some of his fantasies and let me read them I'd be pretty stoked and not to mention honoured. (Quoting Terri JJ - not sure how far I'd get before jumping him tho!)
Now having read all the messages on this post I'm on tender hooks for how it went. Rooting for you;) wuup wuup
Hi RiceC4ke,
Thanks for your feedback. I read them all. I like the idea that you would like that too. I feel I have shown all my cards to her and she can take ones and leave ones. Who knows some may jingle her bell and then we can explore on a more even keel. They are not completely off the chart ... But I was completely turned on writing them all down. The format now is that I've changed them into little folded up pieces of paper and kept them in a glass jar in my sock drawer. She can take it or leave it. I'll wait till she's ready. The engine is always warm with me reading various female written erotica in the meanwhile.