So since having my baby in March we have managed to do the deed twice. Both times painful and both times me walking like John Wayne for a few days afterwards.
I have been reffered to my gynae dr and he is going to perform an op where they cut me inside to take away some of the scarring from having my baby.
this isnt guaranteed to "cure" it so we have been trying to do other things..using vibrators so i can just get my "hoo haa" used to being stretched again and massaging my perinueum.
Only thing is its very frustrating! I know they say after having kids sex life is never the same because of tiredness and having no peace but we have extra problems on top of that lol.
Any other ladies on here had the same after giving birth? please tell me it gets better within time!
It sure is a pretty good form of contraception lol x
I had that for a while after birth not for long I'll admite (mainly because my poor damaged pussy had to put up with 3 heavy children so "stretching" wasnt an issue - I occasionally refer to it as mu 'bucket' hubby says I'm exaggerating...).
It was painful due to hormones messing about so I was very dry, Lubes have helped immensely with that.
Guess your problem is more serious if they're giving you an op for it.
I also found that when it did hurt i'd then be more nervous about it hurting again and so would clench up and it would hurt even more. Never ending recurring vicious circle.
I've not had a baby, but I did have problems with painful periods/heavy bleeding etc when I was a teen, and I ended up having a Laparoscopy (sp?) which left me with some scar tissue. All I can advise is, so long as the Doc's have given you the OK to experiment in that area, buy a slim toy or even use your fingers and lots of lube and take it real slow. Any scar tissue should sort of 'toughen up' over time and become less sensitive. After my op I used to spasm in pain any time I attempted, but by taking things slow this eventually disappeared.
As I've no experience of giving birth, I don't know about scarring from that, but one thing I would ask the Doc is "What about the scarring caused from removing the original scarring? - Will this cause probs?" - I've had several op's elsewhere on my body and suffer from Keloid scarring and even though a plastic surgeon performed an op to remove the excess scar tissue, I was left in a worse state as it didn't heal properly the second time either.
I'm not saying this will happen, but if I were you I'd at least want to ask.
Good luck.
PS: You can still enjoy oral and other forms of foreplay, so don't give up!!!
Hiya not sure if you can recommend other forums on here but if you are not a member of netmums, it might be worth going on there, there are lots of Mums in their forums who have had the same sorts of problems from having children. I go on there alot for advice with my little ones, they have HV and parent supporters who also help.
With my first I had a little scarring as I had a few stitches it does take longer to get back into it after that than without but it sounds to me like you had a pretty bad tear and that the stitches where maybe not done correctly which has left you with this scarring, which is painful, don't try and overstretch the scar tissue it is not like normal skin and could be very painful, take things very slowly.
like I said pop only netmums and look in the new mums support section, or the drop in clinic if you want to speak to a professional.
I hope that you get sorted out, and just to be nosey how old is yr little one, and what did you get, I had a little boy 6 months ago
My partner suffers pain but always has. I'm sure she'll pop on at some point and explain but I hope things improve.
I am said partner.
I've had pain during sex as long as I've been having sex. I'd definitely look up the vaginimus thread which has some tips and tricks on dealing with the pain and getting your head around it.
I can't say I know what's causing your pain, so I'll explain my case and see if anything relates.
For me, it's all "skin" problem, the skin is very tender and apparently my nerves get confused between pressure and pain. So even just gently pressing the skin can cause pain. I've had biopsies, botox injections into the muscle and seen a gynae physio all to no avail and it's only since being diagnosed with a connective tissue disorder affecting the joints that I have a vague idea of what's going on (I'm due back in the gynae since my diagnosis to discuss the ins and outs) - basically my nerves are messed up from chronic pain but also my skin is incredible sensitive (I tear pretty much every time I have sex and have constant dry and sore skin around the area) - add on top of that the natural muscular response to constant pain of tensing without you even realise and sex is nigh on impossible a lot of the time.
For me I have a "tight" spot, which gets very sore as my partner's widest part enters. I find a tight fitting condom can help slightly to stream line his cock.
The biggest help for me though is kegal exercises. It certainly doesn't stop the pain, but it prevents the natural unconcious tensing which is the body's response to painful sex. I squeeze my kegals for 10 seconds and release for 10 seconds 10 times in a row twice a day and although it doesn't stop the pain, it makes it bareable and possible to have sex.
The biggest thing though is getting your head around it, mentally you feel rubbish if you feel you don't function as a "normal woman" but there are lots of ways to feel more positive and I'd be happy to explain my positivity tricks if you think it'd help?
It may also be worth looking into the use of dilators which can be really useful!
As I said - my problems aren't caused by having kids and I can't guarantee that my pain is the same as yours but I'd definitely say doing kegals is good for *everyone* particularly those with pain and getting your head round the idea is key to enjoying your sex life despite the pain!
I'm about as frank as you can get so ask me anything you like no matter how personal you think it is :)
Thank you ALL for your comments, they are really helpful :)
Boobaloo I am already a member of Netmums, Its a great forum for parents, Thanks for the suggestion.
WandA and AD thank you for your comments, I have been told about Dilators, and I am looking into that, its not physically impossible to do just very sore and afterwards I feel like all my stitches have opened up again (silly as they healed a while ago now!) and it stings when i go for a widdle! lol.
The Kegels are something i did suffer with doing after having my baby, i forgot.. a lot. So I really must get back into them!
"The biggest thing though is getting your head around it, mentally you feel rubbish if you feel you don't function as a "normal woman" but there are lots of ways to feel more positive and I'd be happy to explain my positivity tricks if you think it'd help?"
You should feel very positive that instead of moping or avoiding sex you're trying to be proactive! That's a huge thing - a lot of women would just give up!
I found for a long time I didn't feel very feminine and like I was failing as a woman because I couldn't do something that other women could.
What *really* helped me was to be in complete control - sex is....an unusual...affair for us. We use loads of lube and he positions at my entrance then I use my hand to guide him in (which I guess is the normal bit) the less normal bit is that I keep a very firm grip on him until he's about half in and make sure he enters very slowly, stopping if there's any pain and adjusting before continuing. Then once we're halfway there I'll let go and put my hands on his chest or body so I can grip him hard to stop if I need to. It helps more mentally than physically because I'm in control and the fact that he's fine with doing it that way makes me believe that he really wants to do all he can and is completely fine with me being in control if it's less painful for me! This one especially works if it's more painful on entry than it is once it's "in".
The biggest thing for the mental side is realising that penetrative sex isn't the be all and end all! We give and receive head most of the time and only have penetrative sex when I feel least painful. In fact now we class oral as full sex and it really works and in fact I think now WandA prefers head to sex because it's so intimate.
If you've ever been put off having sex because of the soreness it's also worth remembering how quick the skin down there heals - I know you've said you're not tearing - but if you *were*, for me, a bad tear heals within a few days and a minor tear heals within a day or so, so if you *feel* like you've torn and it puts you off having sex for a while it's worth remembering that if you leave it a day or two you can't really be doing too much harm.
The single best thing you can do is talk to your OH and learn that he's totally fine with it! That way you can get your head round it and feel more positive :)
I'm sure I've more tips but I can't remember them right now - if I think of them I'll pop back :)
I had the same after having my son, he was a whopping 10lb and im a dinky size 6, i had an unimaginable amount of external and internal tearing and 20stitches, sex was behond excruciating to begin which, id compare it to being stitched up pain wise.
The only useful thing i can suggest it don't be scared of it hurting, because it will if you think like that, lots and lots and lots of lube, even more forplay, and dont rush in to full sex, some times forplay is fine on its own, the longer he's been without an orgasm the harder he's likely to be and the more likely this will hurt, give him a treat before hand or earlier in he day or get him to please himself forst and make "the session" all about you, hopefully if hes been pleased previously he wont be rock solid and raging for it, make it slow and tender and start him entering you while he not fully hard and make sure he waits for you to push yourself on to him so your in control of whats happening.
I really hope this helps abit and the best of luck