I’ve been in two sexually active relationships and I’ve only cum with my partner once! Luckily, it’s with the man I’m with now but it wasn’t as intense like my solo orgasms. It also happened maybe two years ago…
I try to rub my clit but it gets sensitive really fast. When he is inside and it feels really good, sometimes the feeling is too “distracting” and it makes it hard to orgasm as well. It’s also a bit hard for me to get wet with him too. I don’t know why because he does turn me on but it certainly doesn’t get me as horny as when I’m just browsing porn solo with my clit sucking vibe. Anal gets me hot and bothered but he has sometimes expressed his disinterest, but he’s rubbed my butthole before. I honestly don’t think the problem is him. I still get so flustered around him talking about sex even though we’re coming up on three years. I tend to avoid it which is a pretty bad habit. I’m also really shy to bring the vibrator into our sex life together.
I don’t know if it’s a nerves thing or I’m not as sexually interested in him as I used to be.
Please let me know if you’ve experienced something similar or if you have any advice! Tysm!
it’s extremely comforting to me to hear you experience the same thing! I’ll have to try what you said the next time we do spicy time! Thank you so much for the awesome advice as well as taking the time to respond to me
My wife has rarely if ever climaxed from PIV alone but she used a wand, bullet or suction toy when ever I was inside her and I had no problem whatever with her taking control of her own orgasms.
I would suggest that you have a talk with your partner to explain your feelings.
My FBF confided in me and told me she’s never ever had an orgasm from any kind of stimulation, she’s had a few sexual partners and non have brought her to climax even though everyone has their own way of doing things, she believes she got close a couple of times but its never happened. She single now and has been for a while so has bought all sorts of toys and stimuators, some I’ve recommended as Ive seen them work quickly and effectively on my OH but it still hasn’t happened, she says it goes on for so long she either get too sore or just bored! Alas she’s resigned herself to the fact she’s probably one of those unfortunate women for who it will never happen.
We were also talking how my OH is desperate to squirt and my FBF didn’t know what that was so I sent her link explaining what, how, the feeling of peeing and the squirt sensation, she read that and is now convinced that she was once bought to the point of the peeing feeling and because she thought she was going to pee herself so stopped what her partner was doing, she now also convinced herself that she’s psychologically blocking herself from either orgasming or squirting.
I’ve even offered my platonic services but she politely declined!!
23 years ago my girlfriend who I just met would have described similar. It took a while and lots of trial and error, she actually had her first orgasm with me second time so she tells me! But after that didn’t happen for some time, there was no one key thing and she goes through phases even now.
However I have to get her in the mood or vice versa and variation is key. Set the atmosphere, low lighting, nice smells, sometimes porn, dirty talk……lots of foreplay for the wetness and lube.
Me not being selfish, ie stick it in bang bang, come roll over go to sleep, I still do this occasionally though sorry if reading this
Our sex is so so good, I’d say on average she will orgasm 50% time with PIV, sometimes extra stimulus helps so we can come at the same time.
The problem we have is once she has had her orgasm she goes dry and likewise when I come I get tired so have to be quite creative.
She is still sensitive now, that hasn’t changed, but after such a long time it isn’t something either of us think/worry about and we both know how to work around it.
Whilst I appreciate this may not be the answer you are looking for, enjoy the trial and the errors. The effort we have both put in ever since we met has ensured we have wonderful sex after all those years, but we have both had to talk and really work at it!
That is actually such interesting advice! I relate to her so much! I will have to watch for that feeling next time. I appreciate you telling me this story!
This is so insightful. Congratulations on how far you guys have come! This information is so valuable to me. I’m currently in my 20’s and I certainly don’t have as much experience as you or many others on this forum. What you have said is so reassuring for me and my stance on me and my boyfriend’s sexual life. I have been so unbelievably shy about communicating what I want and I see how much it impacts the both of us now.
I’m still quite new in my sexual journey, but just the time you took to tell me about your experiences speaks for itself. Thank you so much!
have you tried cumming before PIV, i spoke up i was fed up of it being over before i got to cum, so now my partner always gets me to cum before sex, does take alot if just using hands maybe half hour or so, add a toy and it be done in 5-10mins. After that i find im so sensitive and wetter down there i can rub my clit while hes going at it. Maybe speak openly about it with your partner.
I will for sure try this out next time. I’ve thought about cumming before PIV, but I just prioritize his enjoyment a bit too much even though it takes away from my own enjoyment and it’s really hard to keep my own wetness going for sure. Thanks!
Hey
Me and hubby been together over 20 years now.
And I struggle to cum even doing it myself at times.
I read all these posts that say they take 30 seconds and then I beat myself up that I take 45 minutes to do it myself.
Now I’m older, nearly 40, I’m recently diagnosed with adhd, and things have fallen into place a bit.
I struggle to fully concentrate, even when all that’s on my mind is our sexy time. I cannot multitask at all, the minute I have to think, or think and do something my mind wanders.
We have pretty much given up on him making me cum, as he puts so much pressure on himself, and then I’m stressing not to ruin the moment etc.
I can’t finger myself at all, it’s just to icky and if he try’s, I always bleed, I think I tense up so much that I always end up bleeding.
A few things I’ve tried, is playing alone first, I can’t play with him in the room, to much pressure for me, but once I make myself cum(womanizer on my clit) then I find I stay wet, and I can enjoy it more, because the pressure to perform is gone.
Hello @hawhaw we are a couple and firstly you shouldn’t see this as a negative but as a positive and a little adventure to go on with your partner to discover what works for you
We would recommend (but as we’ve said above, this is your adventure as every person is unique and will have their own preferences) that introducing a vibrator for clitoral stimulation in sex is a must (it’s the only way the female of us two is able to orgasm in sex, vaginal stimulation only is not possible) and to also look at maybe the foreplay you’re doing before, you want to make sure you’re getting turned on enough before you start.
Maybe you’re finding you can orgasm from masturbation is because you’re ticking both of these boxes a) clitoral stimulation and b) getting properly turned on in foreplay (in your case, watching porn) first so that is how you’re able to orgasm.
So applying a) clitoral stimulation and b) getting properly turned on first with foreplay should help you to start having orgasms in sex but 100% please don’t put pressure on yourself to orgasm, that’s the other thing that can actually hold you back!
Hello! I wanted to start off and say I think it’s awesome how you guys both talked about it and are offering me advice together. I’ll communicate with him next time and express how I need longer foreplay and plus I’ll use the vibrator. Thank you so much
and it makes it hard to orgasm as well. It’s also a bit hard for me to get wet with him too. I don’t know why because he does turn me on but it certainly doesn’t get me as horny as when I’m just browsing porn solo with my clit sucking vibe. Anal gets me hot and bothered but he has sometimes expressed his disinterest, but he’s rubbed my butthole before. I honestly don’t think the problem is him. I still get so flustered around him talking about sex even though we’re coming up on three years. I tend to avoid it which is a pretty bad habit. I’m also really shy to bring the vibrator into our sex life together.
sorry if reading this 
so have to be quite creative.
Very happy to help!