There is an article today in one of the more liberal papers, in the Lifestyle section - a letter written by a 70yr old woman who has bought a vibrator after the death of the husband of 45 years and seems to be enjoying herself!
But, blimey - most of the comments posted by readers are beyond belief. The usual smutty jokes and outdated ideas about batteries, being found out etc (by her children? Who, if she has any, must be at least 30ish) but hardly any 'voices of sanity'. From a supposedly educated and politically liberal readership.
I assumed sex toys etc were fairly mainstream these days. While I don't leave mine lying around I'd be fairly relaxed discussing the issue with friends or explaining them if they were discovered.
I'm shocked, I tells ya! I'd have written in to provide some balance, but my username for that forum is, basically, my own. So I didn't.
I thought the comments were generally quite positive? Though I admit I didn't read them all. 🙂 I thought the battery ones were genuine advice as some of the non-rechargeable toys can chew through AAs like nobody's business (though it's a little strange they're unaware of rechargeables as they've been around for awhile), and there's nothing worse than a toy konking out midway through - especially if you don't have a back-up. 🙂
In my experience, the internet brings out the keyboard warriors who take great delight in posting negative comments on positive subjects, best just to ignore them!
I tend to read the lastest comments first - looking back, some of the older ones are more positive. Still strikes me that we are an accepting and open minded lot here while respecting the integrity of relationships. I feel like progressive society is going backwards at the mo.
Good point about batteries - but at least they let you know when they are running out. Recharagbles just stop dead! It did make me think that the people commenting were not very up to date.
I would have thought toys were more mainstream now, too. However, some still seem to think they are for sad, lonely or desperate people which isn't true in the slightest.
I overheard some ladies in work dicussing how "disgusting" sex toys were and didn't know how anyone could bring themselves to use one. It made me chuckle since I have a vast collection of toys under my bed, hee hee. They sure don't feel disgusting to me.
I read that article, I was actually pleasantly surprised how positive the comments that I read were.
I think people who turn their noses up at sex toys probably aren't very sexual/sexually adventurous people to begin with and and that's fine, for them. I imagine they're also the kind of people that think people over the age of 60 shouldn't be doing 'it' at all. And if they get to 60 and don't want sex any longer, that's their call, even if it is unfair to judge other people who do.
Not everyone across the board is going to be fine with sex toys - upbringing, religion, personal hang-ups - loads of things influence views on 'marital aids' and some people will always think that they're either utterly disgusting or only for people who can't gain satisfaction any other way, Obviously they're wrong but so long as they don't start campaigning to ban them, let 'em live in their ignorant (not so blissful) bliss. They may change their minds one day. I remember when I became sexually active I was never ever ever ever going to do 'doggy' because I thought it was 'demeaning'. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! People can change ;-) .
I think it all depends how comfortable some people are with sex and sexual pleasure in general but they are definately more mainstream and talked about than 30 years ago. I use a dildo because it feels good and often I want to cum when my partner is not around. I'm not running around telling everyone I use a dildo and vibrator but if someone asked I wouldn't be too embarrassed and deny it.
Sex toys are something I can talk about with a few of my girlfriends but others wouldn't talk about it even if their toy box is full!
The comments on the article were more balanced by the time it closed. I think I was just surprised and curious about why people would read the article and then choose to comment if they were going to be either joke or criticise. Why not just scroll on by? Made me wonder how much of the issue was the vibrator, and how much was the fact that the column was written by an older woman...
I'm shocked, I tells ya! I'd have written in to provide some balance, but my username for that forum is, basically, my own. So I didn't
Bit of a contradiction there .
Yes, but we all like a bit of privacy. I might be more outspoken with more anonimity - something I should have thought about, given that my straightlaced mother reads the same paper! ;-)
@ Knight1119 - I know what you mean. When people have those type of attitudes it can make it harder to talk about them positively without being shamed. To be honest, I don't really care what people think of me. I won't be screaming from the rooftops that I love sex toys but if anyone asked, I'd answer them.
I have no idea if men suffer any ill effects if they discontinue their sex life but I had a friend who had stopped having sex aged about 50 when her husband died.
She was shocked to be diagnosed with cervcal cancer in her 70's but devastated and deeply embarrassed to find that her vaginal canal had atrophied to the point that she needed to use dialtors before they could use radiation on her. She found it painful and humiliating. I think I was ne of the few she told as I'm very vocal about using sex toys and continuing with your sex life even if you don't have a partner.
Sex toys are good for your sex life, are the ulitmate in pleasure and even better for your soul.
Sorry to read your friend's story. I'm sure she was glad to have an open-minded friend to confide in.
One of my first menopausal signs was painful sex, or feeling in the morning like we'd had a good session when nothing had happened - turned out to be 'vaginal atrophy' (horrible term) / dryness.
Luckily I'm bright and can do my research - I got Vagifem and Replense on prescription as soon as I realised what was happening. It is a natural ageing process but thank the heavens for modern medicine. The loss of desire took a long time to come back. Toys were very helpful!
I'm making the most of it now - use it, or lose it - as the saying goes... and age makes no dfference when it comes to sexual happiness.
On another but related note, my teenage son came home with a permission slip to be given the HPV vaccine - so glad it is being rolled out for boys too.
We're so lucky that we seem to be more aware these days, MsR. My poor friend had no one to talk to back then.
I'm glad you're allowing your son to have the vaccine. It's rare but penile cancer is so hard for men to cope with. Female genital cancers are talked about, but male cancers still seem taboo - propbably because of their rarity. Plus it's obviously going to help women, too.
I've met a few mothers who are against it for their precious boys (who they're adamant won't be having sex until they're married! And they'll be marrying virgins so it won't matter to them - this from women who slept around a LOT when we were in school).
I don't get this mentality. Yes, your kids are amazing - but get real.
Absolutely. I've had pre-cancerous cervical cells removed - it wasn't pleasant, and no one needs to have had many partners at all to have this happen. And men can get oral / throat cancers from the same virus.
It's weird how many of those who 'played the field' at school turn out to be quite conventional in the end! My OH and I joke that we are doing now what eveyone else did in their teens/20s while we were reading books...
I had a rep in school that was not deserved, MsR. I was the mouth and trousers kid. The girls that were the most active were (and still are) the most prudish.
They just didn't talk about it like I did.
It still surprises (shocks) me that there are so many "flat earthers" out there that don't believe in the science and benefits of vaccine. It's like they don't believe in history or doubt it. So many people died pre-vaccine and antibiotic days. I was a "late surprise" to an older mum and remember being told stories of how people would use hot bread poultice to try to control infections that had the potential to kill from the slightest scratch. I have relatives that died from measles that I never met, but I've visited their graves.
It's sad and worrying to think that we could go back to those days.