I am dominant in life, I run my own business, I make the decisions re the kids, what and when we do, organise dates, dinners etc (I'd love him to take the lead pick the restaurant etc) what tends to happen is that I will suggest where I'd like to go and he will sometimes book the table, if it's the cinema then he might pick the film etc.
Sexually, I generally choose the toys and what we do but then he takes charge as to how that then plays out.
It would be really awesome though for him to say wear this lingerie, bring these toys, restraints and I have booked a table at this restaurant, I have bought this dress for you please curl your hair, don your heels, be ready for 19.30!! For him to fully take the lead would be a real treat but he's a pleaser and so that's not yet how it has evolved!
I used to be a total pleaser, because I see so many women get treated so badly, it just made me not want to be like those men. Then I realised that I was taking it too far, and so not letting the woman have the chance to have her man take care of things like that, to let her be a woman in other words. It's a balancing act between, taking over a womans life (control freak) and being a total wet lettuce. And between confidence and arrogance.
I would bet if your guy's (Bex1213 included) had it explained about this, so it actually becomes an act of pleasing, then they would go for it. They just want to give you what they think you want, and just got it a little wrong. It is kind of ilogical, until you get it expained to you, or you figure it out. Then it's like ahhh, now I understand, I can do that. I think pleasers by their nature, are more than glad to have things like this pointed out to them, and don't tend to behave like the over macho guy, who will throw a hough or worse, when a woman tries to help them understand.
I think those type of guys that have a fit, have put women off trying to explain things, after you have been screamed at and told that they know how to be a man; you just stop trying; hell who wouldn't.