Question for dominants/submissives

Apologies in advance if it has been covered extensively before.

Would you say you (or your partner) have a dominant personality in general socially (at work, home life, relationships, etc.) but prefer to be submissive in sexual situations? Or are you/they always dominant? How separate is your sexual personality from the rest of you?

Mine is exactly the same. I'm very submissive in general life as well as sexually x

I have found that I am dominant in life but submissive in sex

Terri, I'm the same :)

David, I find that very interesting.

Thank you both for answering.

I am dominant in life, I run my own business, I make the decisions re the kids, what and when we do, organise dates, dinners etc (I'd love him to take the lead pick the restaurant etc) what tends to happen is that I will suggest where I'd like to go and he will sometimes book the table, if it's the cinema then he might pick the film etc.

Sexually, I generally choose the toys and what we do but then he takes charge as to how that then plays out.

It would be really awesome though for him to say wear this lingerie, bring these toys, restraints and I have booked a table at this restaurant, I have bought this dress for you please curl your hair, don your heels, be ready for 19.30!! For him to fully take the lead would be a real treat but he's a pleaser and so that's not yet how it has evolved!

Gem276 wrote:

I am dominant in life, I run my own business, I make the decisions re the kids, what and when we do, organise dates, dinners etc (I'd love him to take the lead pick the restaurant etc) what tends to happen is that I will suggest where I'd like to go and he will sometimes book the table, if it's the cinema then he might pick the film etc.

Sexually, I generally choose the toys and what we do but then he takes charge as to how that then plays out.

It would be really awesome though for him to say wear this lingerie, bring these toys, restraints and I have booked a table at this restaurant, I have bought this dress for you please curl your hair, don your heels, be ready for 19.30!! For him to fully take the lead would be a real treat but he's a pleaser and so that's not yet how it has evolved!

100% this! I'm in exactly the same position.x

D.j wrote:

I have found that I am dominant in life but submissive in sex

I told him he had to be

Gem276 wrote:

I am dominant in life, I run my own business, I make the decisions re the kids, what and when we do, organise dates, dinners etc (I'd love him to take the lead pick the restaurant etc) what tends to happen is that I will suggest where I'd like to go and he will sometimes book the table, if it's the cinema then he might pick the film etc.

Sexually, I generally choose the toys and what we do but then he takes charge as to how that then plays out.

It would be really awesome though for him to say wear this lingerie, bring these toys, restraints and I have booked a table at this restaurant, I have bought this dress for you please curl your hair, don your heels, be ready for 19.30!! For him to fully take the lead would be a real treat but he's a pleaser and so that's not yet how it has evolved!

I used to be a total pleaser, because I see so many women get treated so badly, it just made me not want to be like those men. Then I realised that I was taking it too far, and so not letting the woman have the chance to have her man take care of things like that, to let her be a woman in other words. It's a balancing act between, taking over a womans life (control freak) and being a total wet lettuce. And between confidence and arrogance.

I would bet if your guy's (Bex1213 included) had it explained about this, so it actually becomes an act of pleasing, then they would go for it. They just want to give you what they think you want, and just got it a little wrong. It is kind of ilogical, until you get it expained to you, or you figure it out. Then it's like ahhh, now I understand, I can do that. I think pleasers by their nature, are more than glad to have things like this pointed out to them, and don't tend to behave like the over macho guy, who will throw a hough or worse, when a woman tries to help them understand.

I think those type of guys that have a fit, have put women off trying to explain things, after you have been screamed at and told that they know how to be a man; you just stop trying; hell who wouldn't.

I think you probably know the answer for me, but I'll say it anyway.

Professionally, I am a lead taker, that's not to say dominant, since being dominant professionally doesn't always get the best from people, but rather I facilitate.

Socially my level of dominance depends largely upon my interest in the social activity being undertaken - it's very much a case of choose the battles I want to win and be dominant in those.

As a family man I am switchy, depending upon which works best - sometimes the kids need to feel like they've won!

Sexually I am whatever you want me to be - I am a satisfier; this is probably closest to my true personality. As can be read in my recent blog post about my senses.
Does this make me submissive? Possibly, but I've learnt it's OK to get what I want too; so now the street goes both ways...

Anyway I waffle. In short one should choose the best response for any given scenario.

Sum Sub wrote:

I think you probably know the answer for me, but I'll say it anyway.

Professionally, I am a lead taker, that's not to say dominant, since being dominant professionally doesn't always get the best from people, but rather I facilitate.

Socially my level of dominance depends largely upon my interest in the social activity being undertaken - it's very much a case of choose the battles I want to win and be dominant in those.

As a family man I am switchy, depending upon which works best - sometimes the kids need to feel like they've won!

Sexually I am whatever you want me to be - I am a satisfier; this is probably closest to my true personality. As can be read in my recent blog post about my senses.
Does this make me submissive? Possibly, but I've learnt it's OK to get what I want too; so now the street goes both ways...

Anyway I waffle. In short one should choose the best response for any given scenario.

Sum Sub just saved me a lot of typing as he's just described me also! :)

another public service from the chap in the hood

Me and my OH are pretty opposite. I book the events, choose and own the toys, arrange holidays and am a very outgoing person whereas he is more shy and reserved. I am the submissive in the relationship however and love being told to bend over and what to do. :)

Gem276 - I like that too! Maybe not all the time, but often. Unfortunately, the men I've been with who have been like that, have not been "pleasers", quite the opposite, and I'm reluctantly accepting that what I want is not what I need. :(

schmalto33 - hahaha Perfectly compatible. :)

Sum Sub - I don't think I would have been able to guess all that. Maybe the work part, based on other things you have said. It's interesting that the give/take idea keeps coming up.

Thanks all.

Although I'm 100% submissive, my oh definitely likes to please me and make sure I get exactly what I need. He's taken to making sure I orgasm a minimum of 6 times every time we have sex ! Who would complain about that !! ☺ X

Outside of the bedroom, I'm very dominant. I run my own business, I am extremely blunt and honest and I have a 'I do what I want' attitude to a degree. Where as, in the bedroom I am very, very submissive.

My ex / best friend was the opposite. He was more quiet than me socially, but very dominant inside the bedroom. Although over the fourteen years I've known him, my dominant attitude has rubbed off onto him socially and he is now a lot more stubborn and willing to stand his ground. Whoops.

In life I am quite dominant. It helps in business success for me. I wasn't always this way in my younger days I was shy and retiring ,which I think held me back then .

I would luv to be dominated in the bedroom but alas apart from some roleplays ,I am resigned to this not happening .

I'm mostly submissive in both (I am NOT a pushover, just... people-pleasing, I guess) but when it's something I care about I tend to dominate a lot more.

In the sexual sense, any curiosity to explore was crushed a long time ago, now I am just happily submissive

I'm how the mood takes me. Although people at work may think I'm being a tad dominant but hey I'm just being grumpy whilst I'm at work.
Sexually I'm currently in chastity. I get to play when the wife lets me. Soon as that cage is off I'm an animal though. Kind off confusing really😂

I wouldn't say I am dominant in normal day to day life. I am confident and quite outspoken. I find myself quite submissive in bed and love to be bossed about. Some of the best sex I think I've had has been when he's gone upstairs picked something for me to wear or when he's completley taken charge of the evening etc etc. Like most girls though, I would love the whole "Here's the outfit you will wear, be ready for 8pm etc etc" and go from there.

We are complete opposites really, Im quite dominant in the bedroom, but laid back in life, and the OH is submissive in the bedroom, and fairly in control normally.

Think its a nice change from normal life to switch it up.