I started dating my boyfriend 8 months ago and we have been official for 6 months. Everything seemed to move pretty quickly and he always made it clear that he was keen on me. We went facebook official very quickly, he introduced me to his parents... he’s always pretty up front about his feelings, not afraid of commitment, telling me he’s ready to settle down, talking about the future.
I love him, I have felt it for a while but I was waiting for him to say it first. However the other day I blurted it out when I was a bit tipsy, I remember everything I said and I was sincere. He didn’t say it back. He said that he wanted to tell me when he took me away on a little romantic hotel break the following week. He wanted it to be special. I thought that was very sweet so I didn’t think much about it. I really thought he was going to tell me soon.
We had a romantic getaway, he took me to fancy restaurants and really treated me. It was lovely and if he was looking for the perfect, romantic opportunity then that was it. He didn’t say it. And I have to say I’m a bit upset about it.
When I say to people that he hasn’t told me they’re always a little shocked... they thought that 6 months was quite a long time especially seeing as things moved quickly at first! I have played this whole relationship so cool, right from when we were dating I was in no rush for things to move fast. I just played it by ear and it all paid off. He makes me happy. I wasn’t too worried about the “I love you” thing at first, but now that I have said it I feel a bit of a fool. I don’t want to put any pressure on him.
After the third day at the hotel when it became obvious that he wasn’t going to say it I did get a bit upset and couldn’t tell him the reason why. I am worried as he is in the army and is going away in the Spring. D-day is creeping up fast and I am struggling with the idea that he is going to be going away for 6 months and I am going to be waiting for someone who I’m not even sure loves me.
If I were you I'd mention the whole conversation that had prior to going away about him wanting it to be special, and ask him.. so what happened? I think you need to know where you stand as it's understandable that you may now be worried that he no longer feels the same or has gone off you, and see what his reply is.
My OH and I told eachother that we were in love within 5 weeks of knowing eachother and have been married 13 years, but I know that is a little unusual. But I do think you know if your partner is "the one" after 6 months, or at least you should know if there's any love there or not.
I probably shouldn't comment as I have never said it or had it said to me (except in very weird circumstances that I won't go into) but my first thought is that he may be worried about saying it when it's expected of him, and may want to wait so he can do it when it's least expected and thus less pressure upon him?
I probably shouldn't comment as I have never said it or had it said to me (except in very weird circumstances that I won't go into) but my first thought is that he may be worried about saying it when it's expected of him, and may want to wait so he can do it when it's least expected and thus less pressure upon him?
I understand that maybe he feels pressured to say it and doesn't want to say it when it looks like I'm expecting it if that makes sense. But I really feel like throughout our relationship I have put him under very little pressure! I always brushed the comments aside when people said that six months was a long time for him not to have said it. I always thought "it's just words and he'll say it when he's ready".
But I think him hinting about it really got my hopes up. Especially since I told him.
He just text me to say how lucky he is to have me and that we have a great relationship, he's always saying sweet things... but I don't know if he's just saying them to distract me from the fact that he hasn't said he loves me.
I guess I do need to ask him, but I am worried about making myself vulnerable. And I don't want to ruin it if he does love me and is just trying to work out how to say it. Argh it's complicated :(
But I do think you know if your partner is "the one" after 6 months, or at least you should know if there's any love there or not.
Hope you get some answers hun. xxx
totally agree
i had never met my oh because we got chatting on a chat site ....a month after first chatting to her i told her i love her and a few weeks later we met and we have been together 6 years now
the point being is i knew in my heart that i loved her saying i love you is a natural thing to say if you do love someone its only hard to say if there is any doubts
People develop feelings and emotions at different rates.
My OH had never had a relationship before me and so had never said the words, I however had been in love one and got a very badly broken heart.
As women we never know what men think but we don't all develop feelings at the same rate, my OH makes me feel safe and secure and whilst he has told me he loves me (he did after 5months, when drunk) he doesn't say it very often but I know he does and he knows I do and it works.
Having said that I know friends who like to hear it regularly, I wouldn't call him out on it though as its a personal thing and he might be waiting or not sure how to say it, I know my Oh feels funny saying it. Could just ruin a good thing if you pull him up over it,
If fully appreciate how despite being just words hearing then can be a big thing. If I love someone I'll tell them everyday, not as a throwaway term butbecause they do things that make me feel that way.
My last ex had a few, for want of s better term, emotional issues due to her previous marriage and relationship with her parents, which meant she felt showing affection as a weakness. She would rarely say the words 'i love you' though her actions showed she did. After a 'break' due to some problems I wont go into and getting back together she eventually said she loved me at a beautiful moment and I welled up. She was instantly uncomfortable.
I have recalled this to give an example that 'i love you' is ready for some to say (sincerely, I don't mean as a throw away comment or anything) and a state that is comfortable and recognizable , but for others it's a very confusing and scary thing.
Not sure that will help but may give some context so you know it doesn't NECESSARILY mean he doesn't love you. But also that I'd it's important to you to hear the words then you're not alone and certainly there's nothing wrong with your thinking.
Maybe he is a little bit embarrassed? Especially in the army they are conditioned not to show emotions so it could be difficult he nice the text message you got
you say he is going away with the army, if he is doing a tour in combat that may affect him.
Are your friends mutual, I wouldnt advise discussing something so personal with friends who he may talk to, it may turn "I love you" into a reality game scenario.
I love my wife to the depth and breadth and height of every days most quiet need.....BUT I told her I loved her before I even told my friends and family we were going out. Forget face book and gossip. The words "I love you" are deeply personal and not for anyone else to know about save yourselves.
I understand that maybe he feels pressured to say it and doesn't want to say it when it looks like I'm expecting it if that makes sense. But I really feel like throughout our relationship I have put him under very little pressure! I always brushed the comments aside when people said that six months was a long time for him not to have said it. I always thought "it's just words and he'll say it when he's ready".
But I think him hinting about it really got my hopes up. Especially since I told him.
He just text me to say how lucky he is to have me and that we have a great relationship, he's always saying sweet things... but I don't know if he's just saying them to distract me from the fact that he hasn't said he loves me.
I guess I do need to ask him, but I am worried about making myself vulnerable. And I don't want to ruin it if he does love me and is just trying to work out how to say it. Argh it's complicated :(
You're overthinking it wheels, especially based on past experience with you lol! Honestly, I dont know sargeant dotdashdot (keep meaning to ask you his rank actually) but all the times in the past something similar has cropped up..the texting, the dates to relationships etc. it's usually just been a case of he's been unsure of how you will take it..maybe the fact that he was all prepared for telling you at the hotel and you told him tipsy the weekend before coulda just threw his plans a bit and now he's worrying about telling you being the right time and all. Don't worry about it me lovely, it'll come, he quite clearly adores you. x
P.S.> I've been meaning to give you 'decent' advice on this since you txt the other day but I've not been feeling brilliant all round really lol sorry x
You're overthinking it wheels, especially based on past experience with you lol! Honestly, I dont know sargeant dotdashdot (keep meaning to ask you his rank actually) but all the times in the past something similar has cropped up..the texting, the dates to relationships etc. it's usually just been a case of he's been unsure of how you will take it..maybe the fact that he was all prepared for telling you at the hotel and you told him tipsy the weekend before coulda just threw his plans a bit and now he's worrying about telling you being the right time and all. Don't worry about it me lovely, it'll come, he quite clearly adores you. x
Thanks for your replies everyone. Even though he is in the army he is quite open with his emotions. I have never met anyone so kind and thoughtful and he is always surprising me with little things. He sent me beautiful flowers on my birthday with a cute little card. He makes me feel special and always says lovely things to me.
I'm trying not to worry about it too much and I am really enjoying our relationship regardless. I was just a bit upset because I didn't get what I expected at the hotel. It has been bothering me a little bit because sometimes he looks into my eyes and strokes back my hair and kisses me really softly and my heart starts pounding because I'm thinking "this is it he's going to say it!" and then he says something else. Arghh! I really really try to just play it cool and wait patiently but I can't help getting my hopes up.
I know that I'm very lucky to have a lovely boyfriend and I just need to give him as much time as he needs! x
Hi dotdashdot reading your worry about being told he loves you, from what you've posted he loves you very much but maybe finds it hard to say I love you. It maybe his army training or maybe he's been hurt before and it's a defensive thing. Hope you both can get through this because you both seem to love each other, take care xxx
Well he told me! It wasn't sickly or romantic, we were out having drinks and he sort of just blurted it out the same way that I did when I told him! But it didn't make it any less special in fact it was absolutely perfect. He said it today too (when sober) and it felt so good to say it out loud.