Yes! It is all helping enormously, thank you. I was feeling quite isolated attempting to understand what I craved and understood to be submissive, and also feeling the same trying to make sense of the dynamics of this relationship, as it’s my first with someone who identifies as ‘Dominant’. I don’t have any BDSM friends to talk to.
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Then you’re in the right place hun. I’m not either a dom or a sub, but there are loads here.
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Just curious when you got together with him how long had he been a dominant for and do you know if he has previously had submissives?
If it is a true lifestyle dynamic there is a lot to consider before embarking on the true power exchange relationship on both parts and full open communication is a must on both parts including discussions on what each of you needs/wants etc… There will be limits on both sides but all should be considered and treated with respect regardless xx
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I am feeling a bit uneasy at how we’re bashing the guy, maybe he just needs a bit of gentle persuasion that his attitude to toys and pleasuring is a bit outdated?
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I’m with you. No one is infallible. We’re learning together.
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He had a short term relationship where he began to explore it. We play D/s for sex but it’s not really a full lifestyle commitment. In other aspects we are quite equal and it is a mutually nurturing relationship. Just a bit wobbly on the sex side I think.
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That’s more like us. We sometimes do a D/s thing (one way round or the other), but it doesn’t affect our life - it’s more a play scenario thing for us. Sounds like that’s more the way it is for you.
But yes, as @WillC said, he certainly has an outdated view of sex toys and their uses. For example, I know my husband is up for trying anything that improves my pleasure. I genuinely think he gets off more from seeing me in ecstasy than being in it himself, and that includes everything from toys to whatever else you like.
The whole thing about not wanting toys is all about ego, and that is where I lose patience (sorry @WillC if that looks like bashing - it isn’t really). Fundamentally, he needs to put his ego away and concentrate on you and your pleasure. I’m sure you’ll see he’s suitably dealt with.
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Ah ok that’s cool 
A good friend of mine was a mentor for new Dominants. Maybe if he is interested you could discuss the option of a mentor as I am sure there are others and see if that helps with his confidence around sex toys.
Just a thought but I really really hope you get it sorted xx
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I think it’s having those outdated ideas and calling yourself ‘Dominant’ that’s the mismatch. It’s not my area of expertise, but I’d say that if you’re putting yourself in the hands of another you’d want them to know what they’re doing.
There are some Lovehoney guides that may be useful?
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@Bex84 mentor is a cool idea, I will share this with him
@Ian_Chimp it’s possible I have downplayed the extent of D/s interaction, I think if I showed him a BDSM 101 guide I’d be over his knee before I could blink 
But in all seriousness I will have a look and share if they’re winners.
I read both The Topping Book and the Bottoming Book (to see both sides) and some others I can’t remember the names of and read endless articles. I do know he hasn’t invested any time in research yet. Perhaps we have reached a point where a little guidance could be useful. He wasn’t interested when I have suggested it in the past but things change.
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They may be a little basic if you’ve already read all that other stuff.
He does sound like he needs a little extra guidance to become a true Dom, but as long as you’re happy with your dynamic (and feel able to tweak it if necessary) then that’s the main thing. 
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Some great advice already posted here.
I agree that it’d be interesting to explore the Dom role to see if you can convince him to play with you more. Perhaps suggest that he ties you down and then uses a wand on you. Doesn’t need him to be sexually aroused and he can still enjoy the session.
Or you could flip that around to become an edging session
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I’ve no experience of Dom / Sub sex, but others have offered advice there.
Your partner’s attitude to toys and solo play sounds a little outdated. I’m 50 and my husband early 50s, and we have found that while sex may not be as frequent as when we first met, experience has taught us to enjoy the longer sessions and to let go of traditional ideas such as sex ending after male orgasm, or women always climaxing through penetration alone. If one of us doesn’t have the staying power, we make sure the other is happy (which sometimes means leaving things for another time, and sometimes involves being more creative). Communication is the key!
Your pleasure is important and anyone who seriously reacts badly to their partner masturbating or using toys needs a modern rethink. If he doesn’t use toys, tongue or fingers enough, then how is he satisfying you? Most women need a lot of clitoral stimulation to climax, and he can do that for you regardless of what happens next (full sex, or a cuddle, or a handjob etc).
In terms of toys, female pleasure and sex after 50 there is a brilliant book by Tracey Cox which is sold by Lovehoney ‘Great Sex Starts at 50’- it addresses all three of these issues, and more.
It also sounds like your partner could be more aware of your needs if he read something specifically about female pleasure - I’d recommend ‘Come as You Are’ by Dr Emily Nagoski.
Good luck!
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Please don’t feel that you have to go to great lengths for him if he wont get his head around satisfying you. I’m sure he might love this suggestion - what is he planning for your entertainment and pleasure?
Sorry if that sounds harsh, but he has successfully attracted a younger partner who may have a wider field to play - what is he doing to make sure you only want to be with him?
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Here’s another vote for Tracey Cox’s excellent over-50s book - it’s also very toy-positive, so that could help to break the ice a bit.
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I’ve been on the guy side of exactly this relationship and it is ABSOLUTELY THE BEST. The guy takes a little longer so more time to focus on the lady. Plenty of scope for plenty of positions. A bit of ‘finger and tongue’ to mix it up a bit. A couple of hours later , several female orgasms later and a fantastic orgasm for the guy, everyone’s a winner. Definitely worth keeping fit for 
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Yeah - kinda what he said!
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Everyone has already said a lot and given any input I would, I just want to wish you luck and happiness with your man.
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Excellent advice from everybody . All I can say is I am 62 and have pretty much the same sex drive since I was 20 . Performance is down because I am not in as good of shape as when I was younger . I have many friends my age that are on hormone replacement and have ED in some degree or another . At this time my performance is unknown because my wife has zero sex drive . In the summer when I am hornier I can cum several times a day . Winter not so much . Good luck to you and your lucky man !
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I completely understand it’s different strokes for different folks/each to his own and all that as I’ve had two long-term relationships with completely different men.
My ex was a decade older than me and lost interest in sex when he hit 40. I later realised it had nothing to do with age and everything to do with his girlfriend. Though even before then his erections were shaky. I’d tried introducing toys (though they were few and far between in those days), but came home one day to find he’d ‘had enough of being compared to them’ and set fire to them, along with some sexy undies in the garden!
My partner is the complete opposite (I learn by my mistakes ). He’s a bit younger than me but we’re both in our 50s. We can have sex morning and night but he does work away so unless we have phone sex he goes a while without orgasm. He’s also welcomed my toys and happily helps me out with them even if he’s not in the mood for sex.
Love is a funny thing. It makes us accept things in a partner that we normally wouldn’t. Sometimes this can be a really great thing but sometimes it can be really bad. You’re in your 30s with a man in his 50s. You need to be really sure you know where this relationship is going, especially while you’re young enough to have children.
I don’t mean to sound preachy but I have experience of wasting a lot of time with someone who wasn’t right for me. Sex is a HUGE part of most relationships. People with happy sex lives tend to work well in other aspects of their relationship, even if it wanes through different life events.
I have no idea what your relationship is like, whether you have children or any other details so I could be in the wrong forest let along barking up the wrong tree, but my thoughts would be wandering along the line of his drive will probably slow down further as he gets older and yours might actually get higher (mine did from about 35/6). You need to have a long chat about toys in the bedroom and how you like to use them when you’re somewhere neutral.
If you can’t face that yet maybe you could have another wander through Lovehoney and pick up a bullet or a wand - something that will make you orgasm clitorally. In my experience men reluctant to use toys are particularly averse to realistic insertable toys as they feel it threatens their masculinity (even if they don’t understand why they react like this). I’ve heard one man say ‘a dildo had no right in his girlfriend’s vagina’ and that it was his job to make her satisfy her.
As PleasureDrone says, you’re in danger of being dragged into a premature middle age with this man rather than him having his youth revived by you. I also agree with DreamsOfChi’s comment about it not being particularly generous of him to ‘allow’ orgasm.
Invest in some toys that you like. Take him along for the ride. If he’s still unwilling or reluctant to see you masturbating it’ll be for two reasons. One would be his genuine discomfort at using toys and maybe he’ll get used to it and maybe even embrace them. The other is that he’s a selfish lover. And life really is too short to waste time on selfish lovers - experience has taught me they can be just as selfish out of bed, too.
Good luck.
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