So this is my second post today guys, So Iv been with my partner for a good while now, Don't want to go into too much details, We have kids, recently a newborn, When it comes to sex I would say im very patient, I never pressure her into it, I never make her feel bad, Always telling her how amazing she is, She's told me she is not a very sexually active person, Now taking into consideration her previous relationships She has told me her ex use to make her give head pretty much and would be very selfish, I always give to her and not receive, Could her previous relationships be effecting her will to want sex or are some people just not bothered about it ?, I do get frustrated sometimes when I try to drop her a naughty txt and she just laughs it off. Please share your thoughts.
Some people just don’t have high sex drives. Sometimes this is a temporary thing and sometimes it is a permanent thing. For others, it can be linked to past bad experiences. Unfortunately, only your partner can tell you whether it is due to her ex or whether it is a more general feeling.
I think The teen years and past eperience plays a vital role, If she stated off with a person who knew how to please a girl and make her feel amazing that person could be totally into sex?. I know sex isn't everything but it is important.
Not necessarily. She could have had amazing exes, had lots of fantastic sex and almost got it out of her system? I’m not saying this is the case here, but there are many different reasons why someone may not have a high sex drive (also who is to say what a high sex drive really is?). You need to talk to her. Explain how you feel and see what she says.
They certainly could be affecting her. I know for a long time that there was one sexual act I wouldn't do because of associations with an ex (long story). I'm through it now, thanks to some loving work from my husband, but I knew what the problem was. If something from her past is an issue, she might not even realise it.
Of course, she might just have a slow sex drive and her past may be nothing to do with it.
Okay thanks for the replys, Will try and talk to her, It's not easy as I always feel a bit awkward talking about sex to her, So will try and bring it up at some point. thanks D.
Devlin-1991 wrote:
I think The teen years and past eperience plays a vital role, If she stated off with a person who knew how to please a girl and make her feel amazing that person could be totally into sex?. I know sex isn't everything but it is important.
Not necessarily. Even with a history of great experiences she could still only want to have sex every once in a while. Some like quality over quantity. Some have low sex drives due to hormones, stress, children, past experiences etc. Some people just do not want sex on a regular basis, even if they enjoy it when they do have sex. If she has always been this way then chances are that’s just how she is and you may need to work on finding a compromise that suits both of you :)
The only thing I have to add is that having kids can take its toll on one's sex life (tired, stressed, worried etc). Furthermore, it's not uncommon to have a much lower sex drive after giving birth - you said you have a newborn. Have you considered postnatal depression?
Its not post natal depression, She had that with our first child, I think its just the stress of the children getting them to bed ect and it being very late the time they are all in bed. D
Hormone levels will still be all over the place with a newborn.
That plus the above-mentioned stress with the other children, I find it off-putting when my husband's children are staying over. That and super tired from keeping them occupied and fed haha
The newborn and other children will cause the extra stress and tiredness and unfortunately this is part of the situation, hence why a lot of people struggle in the early stages. You both need to adapt and one of the biggest things is the past is the past. We could always be frustrated and ask “why did they do that with them and not me” etc and the truth is it’s a different situation with a lot less stress, also a lot of relationships become routine. If you have given a lot and not been to concerned about receiving then a lot of times this will stick. Sex is important in a relationship but it’s also very easy to get caught up in your feelings and get a tad consumed instead of going off for a quick wank elsewhere. Me and my partner have been through it all before and after we had children and it’s tough but I discovered myself a lot more when I had to ride solo and it also helped us get to each milestone. Communication is key to all this, ask her if she’s satisfied etc and be honest with your feelings too. The biggest thing is to leave the past in the past, don’t let that take a role in your relationship now.
the other thing is yes I do believe is she was forced to give head daily in her last relationship that can and probably is have a massive impact on your sex life. I had trauma in my past and I’ve only started deali with it end of summer boy it’s a taking it out of me and secondly it’s affected some aspects of our intimacy. Thankfully not as bad because oh kows what is happening and what days I see the therapist and he just offers support asks if he can hold me and gently takes care of me for the 24-48hrs it takes for me to come back if that makes sense? Mine is quite severe trauma and I’m not sure what your partner has been through but maybe talking to her telling her she is safe with you, making sure if she isn’t into it even if you’ve started to stop etc these are all the things my OH did initially and is doing again to help me through and know I can trust him etc.
as the other have said it could also just be she has a low sex drive and it’s a case of trying to tease her enough to make her body want it.
The new born is a good 7 months old now, Iv only just started getting back into my own sexual drive as well, Birth is an emotional thing, But after time all of us will begin to think about sex again, Life is very stressful with kids which I understand, I love all of my kids and wouldn't change them for the world, thanks for all the comments I really do apprciate your support and advice. D