Should i suggest to my OH someone to satisfy her needs because of my medical condition

Sex Tips & Talk
1

After being diagnosed with painful Peyronies Disease, i can not satisfy my OH with penetrive sex, i have to wait 18 month for the disease to settle before surgery is considered...leaving me possibly 2 years before i can have sex fully again.

Ive thought long and hard about how my OH is gonna get fed up after so long as i know i would and she even said she had a dream that i paid for a guy to have sex with her.

Made me think if maybe it would work if i did....i kinda find it a turn on so just wondered what you guys thoughts were?????

2

Hi there, I feel that only you can make that decision regarding another man. I am very sorry that you are going through such a difficult time, but sometimes what seems like a good idea is your head, would not be the same as the reality. Would being intimate in other ways be too frustrating to you, like giving your OH oral sex or using vibrators/dildos on her? Can you actually have an orgasm yourself, or is that too painful too, I just wondered if there was some way for you to get some relief as well. I am just trying to give you perhaps some ideas of how to keep things intimate between you and your OH to maybe try before taking another direction xx

3

Short answer: no.

It sounds to me like you are feeling very down at the moment, and you are reacting based on how you assume your wife will feel. Perhaps you are stuck thinking negative thoughts and worrying about not being able to satisfy your wife sexually. I want to let you know, you don't need to worry.

The best thing you can do is discuss these fears with your wife. Chances are she wouldn't be happy having sex with another man. Even if she is, this is something you'd need to discuss at length together. I wouldn't advise her doing it in your current frame of mind though, as having your wife have sex with another man is likely to make you feel even more like you can't satisfy her, when you definitely can!

There are many ways for a woman to have very satisfying sex, without penetration, as I'm sure you're already aware. If your wife is keen on vaginal penetration, its a much better idea that you together shop for a suitable dildo that she can enjoy with you or alone, instead of rushing in to find a male sex worker (it'll be a lot cheaper too).

I'm sorry you're feeling so worried about how your relationship will be affected by your peyronies. I think you need to talk to your wife to vanquish some of your concerns. I hope you're feeling better soon.

4

Thanks for your replys....i have bought a suction dildo from lovehoney and my OH does like it...and i certainly enjoy seeing her taking it. i can cum through oral sex and i can satisy my OH with oral and with toys....i guess i,m worried she will eventually get fed up so, thats why i thought about another guy ...i dont want to be in a position where she did it behind my back

5

Have you considered openly speaking to her about this? She herself might not be up for the idea, and might be happy enough with toys. And if you're concerned she might change her mind at some point, then perhaps offer her the possibility of letting you know if that happens. A toy isn't the same as a person, and people can react very differently when they actually find themselves in particular situations. I agree that it might also be best to let this rest for a while before pursuing the idea as you might still be quite emotional about this.

6

Hi Barney50,

I'm not sure how long you and your OH have been together or how far you've explored together sexually, but there are plenty of things you can try out and explore together over a two year period to keep things interesting and both of you satisfied. PiV is such a small part of everything that can form the collective, diverse concept that is "sexual pleasure".

You can pleasure her with your mouth, fingers, toys (dildos, vibrators, magic wands, etc); you can try sensation play; massage oils, wax, ice cubes, (glass toys are great for hot/cold fun), feathers, bondage/sensory depravation; rope, under-bed restraints, blindfolds, gags, impact play; spanking, padels, floggers, anal play; for her, for you (including pegging, prostate massage, etc).

All these things, while associated with BDSM, doesn't mean you have to dress up in leather & latex and be Dom/sub to enjoy them (unless you want to as part of the fun, of course), you can simply enjoy/explore it as a sensory/pleasure thing.

What I will say about the possibility of including another sexual partner, is that if you've both expressed interest in it as a fetish or sexual desire (her dream, you finding it a turn on), then it's very important that you both communicate that to each other and discuss it at length and find out where it actually stands for you both on the fantasy-reality scale, and, if you want to explore it, do it together, on the same page, from a position of strength and security in your relationship. Approach it as an exploration of joint sexual adventure, and not as a way to fill a perceived void or lack in your relationship.

The most important thing, though, is that you both remain in honest, open communication with each other about your thoughts and feelings. This is important in any relationship of any length at any stage, of course, but particularly for you both over the coming two year period. You need to tell her about your genuine and valid fears about her getting "fed up" with not getting PiV, and she needs to be equally honest and forthright about her own thoughts and feelings. Together, you can ease each others anxieties, and realise that 18 months - 2 years isn't that scary.

Good luck, and have fun!

7

At the moment your head will no doubt be all over the place. I have to applaud you for being such a loving OH you are so concerned for her sexual satisfaction that this has crossed your mind.

Apart from her dream has she mentioned other men? We all have dreams so obscure we tell our OHs without even thinking about consequences. She probably doesn't realise that talking about it has brought you to thinking these thoughts.

Have a chat with her, tell her your concerns. Full on penetrative sex may well be off the table but there are so many other ways to remain intimate. You are fortunate enough to have each other, many couples have no sexual contact such as long distance relationships, imprisonment and work commitments. Love holds us together.

Deep breaths, sleep on it and talk to her. Good luck.

8

RosyCheek wrote:

At the moment your head will no doubt be all over the place. I have to applaud you for being such a loving OH you are so concerned for her sexual satisfaction that this has crossed your mind.

Apart from her dream has she mentioned other men? We all have dreams so obscure we tell our OHs without even thinking about consequences. She probably doesn't realise that talking about it has brought you to thinking these thoughts.

Have a chat with her, tell her your concerns. Full on penetrative sex may well be off the table but there are so many other ways to remain intimate. You are fortunate enough to have each other, many couples have no sexual contact such as long distance relationships, imprisonment and work commitments. Love holds us together.

Deep breaths, sleep on it and talk to her. Good luck.

Hi...I would like to echo what RosyCheek and others have said. I think it's key that you talk this through with your OH. You have each other, dont underestimate how important that is, you clearly love each other, so I feel sure you will both find new ways to stimulate each other, especially with Love-honeys help. Good luck to both of you.

9

Good luck on this one, but as above im not sure that would be the way forward. Its really your call at the end of the day but i hope my OH would wait for me in that situation.

10

I'd 100% speak to her if your feeling confident enough. For me I love my partner to much to possibly risk that just for sex. ( as much as I love that too! ) lovehoney have a huge range of toys I'd much rather use then than be with someone else for sex.

She may not to as bothered as you may think and plus it's not going to be forever.

I can't imagine how u must be feeling but please think hard before doing anything you both may regret

Wish u the best of luck, keep us all updated x

11

Thanks for all your kind words and messages of support, we have spoke together and my OH is very understanding about my condition and is putting no pressure on me at all....we are going to stick this out together and we both love toys from Lovehoney...we can spice things up in other ways so i know its not end of the world.....cheers guys

12

Slightly left field suggestion here. Would you consider a strap on? Whilst it wouldn't be your penis, you could still get much of the body-body contact etc..?

13

Sorry to hear about this, but I'd say as long as you are both 100% on board with it then it could always be worth a try, but remember that there are always other ways to satisfy your OH. Oral sex and fingering her, and you can always try using a dildo, vibrator or wand? Maybe make it a sex game, like 'which ones shall we use tonight to make you scream my name' sorta thing.

Personally I'd leave 'having a sex with one else and paying for it' to the last possible option as there are other ways around it. I've heard good things about these, so might be worth a look at a maybe a try:

https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=31087

https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=33567 (will be writing a review on this one soon)

https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=32792

You could use this time as some time to focus on your OH and experiment a bit. Hope this helps :) x

14

Hi Barney50, firstly there are a whole world of other things you could explore to satisfy both of your needs before resorting to inviting another man into your sex life.

1. Oral sex for her,

2. Vibrator/dildo for penatrative fun (for her to use alone and/or with you, this way you can still please her and control her pleasure).

3. Try a hollow strap on, it might work for you and is probably as close as you could physically get right now.

3. A remote control vibrating love egg, for sexual stimulation and fun out in public.

4. Light tigh up and tease style bondage. Blindfold her tie up her wrists then tease her with feathers, cold glass, that sort of thing. (Could follow up with vibrator, dildo or strap on fun).

Communication is the key, you need to talk to her, open up a discussion on sex toys and trying other things, see how things go, you might be suprised at the posativity of the response. Personally I wouldn't want to invite another person into a close relationship. Penatrative sex is not the be all and end all, there are so many other options.

15

Fun Louise wrote:

Hi Barney50, firstly there are a whole world of other things you could explore to satisfy both of your needs before resorting to inviting another man into your sex life.

1. Oral sex for her,

2. Vibrator/dildo for penatrative fun (for her to use alone and/or with you, this way you can still please her and control her pleasure).

3. Try a hollow strap on, it might work for you and is probably as close as you could physically get right now.

3. A remote control vibrating love egg, for sexual stimulation and fun out in public.

4. Light tigh up and tease style bondage. Blindfold her tie up her wrists then tease her with feathers, cold glass, that sort of thing. (Could follow up with vibrator, dildo or strap on fun).

Communication is the key, you need to talk to her, open up a discussion on sex toys and trying other things, see how things go, you might be suprised at the posativity of the response. Personally I wouldn't want to invite another person into a close relationship. Penatrative sex is not the be all and end all, there are so many other options.

I second with the remote control egg too and a bit of bondage play x